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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

863 replies

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:48

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

OP posts:
Fetaface · 02/10/2025 23:02

padronpepper · 02/10/2025 22:39

He is 6 years old. I’m shocked that some posters think the teacher’s attitude is acceptable.

You think teachers should not teach but spend all day sorting out fussing and tale telling?

When do you think they should teach? Maybe some need to teach their kids how to solve their own small problems and keep out of others business then this wouldn't happen.

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/10/2025 23:04

youalright · 02/10/2025 22:48

But the work was interrupted further by another adult entering the room shouting and then a 6 year old crying.

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And answering, instead of reiterating the instruction to be quiet, would leave the child thinking it was fine to continue interrupting the teacher after being told to be quiet.

70sMuuMuu · 02/10/2025 23:04

Fetaface · 02/10/2025 22:37

Most kids say they were yelled at when they were told off.

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Some of them will be correct.

Pumkinpiecrazy · 02/10/2025 23:04

Sounds like a horrible school. Who treats 6 year old like that? I'd go mad if that was my child.

AlwaysHopefull89 · 02/10/2025 23:05

Fucking weird thing for the teacher to say. I’d be proud of my kid for saying that 😂

AlwaysHopefull89 · 02/10/2025 23:05

Pumkinpiecrazy · 02/10/2025 23:04

Sounds like a horrible school. Who treats 6 year old like that? I'd go mad if that was my child.

Totally agree

FloatingFlower · 02/10/2025 23:06

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 02/10/2025 22:59

I would hope a teacher wouldn't leave the profession over a parent politely asking for a bit of context on an incident at school that had their child still in tears at bedtime and reluctant to go to school. I agree that some parents wouldn't be polite and that's not on, but I don't think parents are required to proceed at all times on the basis that the teacher is infallible and their kid is a liar or a fantasist.

Edited

Honestly, after 25 years you do get tired of parents complaining about teachers who wouldn’t get the plimsoll a child threw on the roof, shouted because the lids weren’t back on the glue sticks, put the child on the wrong reading level and so on. I still do one to one tuition but I don’t feel I’m giving parents good value if I don’t focus children on their learning.

Crochetandtea · 02/10/2025 23:08

He was being cheeky and answering a teacher back . Then he cried because he didn’t like being told off. Remind him not to answer back to the teacher ?

CountFucula · 02/10/2025 23:08

Ifigotherewillbedouble · 02/10/2025 22:42

Sadly I’m not surprised by the replies on here - if a teacher ‘is at the end of their tether’ and this is somehow a legitimate reason to then shout at a small child, then maybe they need to rethink their career path! No way is it ok to shout at a child for goodness sake. Surely we are way past the days when teachers were allowed to dominate small children.

I can still remember an incident from when I was 6 or 7 (I’m now nearly 55!) - I really liked my teacher, thoroughly enjoyed school and we were playing bingo. She asked us to swap our bingo cards within our group and in my head I wanted to say, ‘Is it ok if we don’t swap, is that an option’ but I actually said, ‘I want to keep mine.’ So of course my teacher replied, ‘Well I don’t care what you want to do, I’ve told you to swap.’ I struggled not to cry, but was very hurt and felt misunderstood and wrongly told off - so I feel your son, at just 6, could be feeling exactly this way. Please find out what happened by all means but do not accept that it’s ever ok for any other adult to shout at your child in this way.

So, the teacher would need to have been a mind reader to know your intention? Yet decades later you’re still bothered??

EsmeSusanOgg · 02/10/2025 23:10

Thegreyhound · 02/10/2025 21:58

Because sometimes students have to work in silence! So everyone can concentrate! And learn! Silence is fine

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Not at aged 6!

herbaceous · 02/10/2025 23:11

What a child describes as 'minutes of shouting' is often in fact a few seconds of a firm voice.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 02/10/2025 23:11

CountFucula · 02/10/2025 23:08

So, the teacher would need to have been a mind reader to know your intention? Yet decades later you’re still bothered??

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Do move on.

DiscoBob · 02/10/2025 23:12

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:58

I would be happier if I could be reassured that he was being a smart arse and got a deserved ticking off. I’d rather that than worry about disproportionate reactions from teachers who can’t keep their tempers. Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

No because being in pain and being injured aren't the same thing. And she did not require a response to what she said. It was an instruction to quietly do your work and not ask silly questions. He did the opposite of what was expected. He was being a smart arse. He got told off.

I doubt she screamed at him while he sobbed for several minutes. If that's true then she's a terrible teacher. It's more likely he's embellishing it. How many six year olds could accurately judge a telling off in minutes?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 02/10/2025 23:13

Dramatic · 02/10/2025 23:01

Of course they are, my 5yo is well capable of making a smart arsed comment and she knows it too!

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Where did she learn that?

Hallywally · 02/10/2025 23:14

Well he wasn’t in pain or injured (even if they’re the same thing) and didn’t need the toilet, so why was he answering back? He was being a smart arse.

CausalInference · 02/10/2025 23:14

I wouldn't be impressed a teacher speaking to my kids like that full-stop to be honest. I'd be wanting to speak to the teacher and want a full explanation if my child was still upset at bedtime. Is it a young teacher out of their depth? My eldest is y5 and for the first time has a teacher with only a few years experience, it's very telling, my eldest is a real stickler for rules but the new-ish teacher managed to really upset her over something completely insignificant. It's like she wanted to show who was boss. I resisted messaging her, but if she does it again I will absolutely have words.

LaughingCat · 02/10/2025 23:15

partytimed · 02/10/2025 22:32

I don’t think he would be as upset as he was tonight over a firm rebuke. I think something more happened. To be clear the teacher who shouted was not the one who issued the instruction it was a teacher who had just entered the room so I’m assuming not at the end of her rope from perhaps asking the class to be quiet etc.

Also I genuinely appreciate the insights offered but there is no suspected ASD or SEN.

The truth is, you don’t know what happened. At six years old, what you often get is a very hazy and confused recollection of events. It obviously made an impression on him but there’s no point coming online to get views from the internet when none of us know what happened in school either. Just have a chat with his teacher and find out the facts.

paddyclampster · 02/10/2025 23:15

Melancholyflower · 02/10/2025 22:42

If you can't manage that without shouting at a child then you shouldn't be teaching. I'm talking about shouting at an individual child, not raising your voice to a whole class, which is sometimes needed to get through to them.

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Oh. So teachers are supposed to put up with people speaking to them like shit all day? No wonder they are leaving in droves.

FloatingFlower · 02/10/2025 23:16

Mumtobabyhavoc · 02/10/2025 23:13

Where did she learn that?

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Mine was born like that but saved it for home. Mostly. I hope.

snackatack · 02/10/2025 23:17

Who told you the teacher screamed at him for 2 minutes?

How do you know if it was screaming and ranting or just a firm tone?

Can you imagine a whole group of children putting their hands up and questioning it?

Pain and injury are not the same thing - so your son was wrong,

Yes, 6 year olds can sit in silence for a short time it is not beyond them and frankly should be encouraged.

You have not spoken to the teacher, you are unreasonable.

Snugglemonkey · 02/10/2025 23:22

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:58

I would be happier if I could be reassured that he was being a smart arse and got a deserved ticking off. I’d rather that than worry about disproportionate reactions from teachers who can’t keep their tempers. Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

Yes, it was rude. And deliberately disobeying as it was clearly not a time for an exploratory chat. I don't think any teacher should be shouting though, especially at someone so wee.

Puregoldy · 02/10/2025 23:22

He took it literally as many kids with asd would also do. The teacher was being the arse. He is 6.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 02/10/2025 23:23

Ponderingwindow · 02/10/2025 22:05

It is exactly the kind of clarification a 6yo asd child might make. Calling the child a “smartass” is offensive. Telling the child off is a problem.

a cheeky child would have brushed off a telling off, but a nd child is not going to understand that they did anything wrong. They are legitimately seeking clarification of the teacher’s imprecise language.

There is no suggestion that the child is nd. I'm sure the op would have mentioned it if he was.

Timeforabitofpeace · 02/10/2025 23:24

The teacher over reacted and fgs, they should not shout. It’s not professional, especially with little ones.

sugarapplelane · 02/10/2025 23:24

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:54

That’s a big concern of mine as well. Why say that? I’ve been hearing lots of “we have to sit in silence” and he seems generally unhappy with school where he loved it before the summer holidays. It’s making me really sad.

There is nought wrong with children sitting in silence in a classroom. Don’t you ever remember your teacher demanding quiet while they speak or quiet while the children work?
You must have a short memory.
Come on Op. Your child was cheeky and he got told off. This should be the end of it. If you go in all guns blazing you undermine the authority of the teacher.
Too many parents have too many things to say to teachers these days. Just let them get on with their job of educating and disciplining children.

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