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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

863 replies

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:48

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

OP posts:
theresapossuminthekitchen · 04/10/2025 10:19

Loopylou7219 · 02/10/2025 22:08

Some of these responses are so unkind. I could imagine my child when they were younger maybe saying the same thing not being a "smart arse" but perhaps trying to fully understand what the teacher had said and what they meant. Why do so many people on here seem to hate children

He didn’t ask a question, he made a statement. He wasn’t trying to fully understand - he was trying to correct the teacher. I agree that ‘smart arse’ isn’t appropriate for a 6-yr old because it’s not deliberate at that age, but when do children learn not to do this if they’re never corrected on it? If he was actually shouted/ranted at, then that is unreasonable, but I would be very surprised if he was. Children who are either particularly sensitive or particularly sheltered from consequences/firmness from their parents, tend to consider any firmness of tone and any clear correction of behaviour as ‘being shouted at’ - they don’t have any other words to use to describe it. If we don’t firmly (but without actual shouting) correct behaviour early on that will be considered rude later, we do small children a disservice. At home, you can let your children correct you/explore the language, be the centre of every conversation, whatever you choose. At school, they are one of 30 and they need to learn when to keep their thoughts to themself and do as they are asked/told so the classroom can function and every child can learn.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 04/10/2025 10:35

It’s just not a big deal what this kid did. Not at all.

sidebirds · 04/10/2025 10:37

JJMama · 04/10/2025 09:18

This. And even if he was correct, he was rude to speak back and try to correct a teacher! He sounds precocious at best.

The child didn't "try to correct" the teacher, he successfully schooled the clown. Teachers are frequently poseurs, crassly performative in their self-aggrandising attempts at popularity amongst their charges. The nipper displayed an appreciation of language subtle beyond his years; dutifully wiping the floor with this egotistical bore.

Magsbd · 04/10/2025 10:43

I would definitely have a word with his teacher to find out what exactly happened. A 6 year old should not be shouted at by teachers. Whatever the boy said the teacher should have handled it in a calmer way.

birling16 · 04/10/2025 10:45

sidebirds · 04/10/2025 10:37

The child didn't "try to correct" the teacher, he successfully schooled the clown. Teachers are frequently poseurs, crassly performative in their self-aggrandising attempts at popularity amongst their charges. The nipper displayed an appreciation of language subtle beyond his years; dutifully wiping the floor with this egotistical bore.

Bet you're fun at Parents Evening.

CopperWhite · 04/10/2025 10:46

sidebirds · 04/10/2025 10:37

The child didn't "try to correct" the teacher, he successfully schooled the clown. Teachers are frequently poseurs, crassly performative in their self-aggrandising attempts at popularity amongst their charges. The nipper displayed an appreciation of language subtle beyond his years; dutifully wiping the floor with this egotistical bore.

Not really, considering his point was inaccurate.

Either way, six year olds know they aren’t supposed to call out in class, so his telling off was valid.

Loopylou7219 · 04/10/2025 10:55

theresapossuminthekitchen · 04/10/2025 10:19

He didn’t ask a question, he made a statement. He wasn’t trying to fully understand - he was trying to correct the teacher. I agree that ‘smart arse’ isn’t appropriate for a 6-yr old because it’s not deliberate at that age, but when do children learn not to do this if they’re never corrected on it? If he was actually shouted/ranted at, then that is unreasonable, but I would be very surprised if he was. Children who are either particularly sensitive or particularly sheltered from consequences/firmness from their parents, tend to consider any firmness of tone and any clear correction of behaviour as ‘being shouted at’ - they don’t have any other words to use to describe it. If we don’t firmly (but without actual shouting) correct behaviour early on that will be considered rude later, we do small children a disservice. At home, you can let your children correct you/explore the language, be the centre of every conversation, whatever you choose. At school, they are one of 30 and they need to learn when to keep their thoughts to themself and do as they are asked/told so the classroom can function and every child can learn.

How on earth you can say "he wasn't trying to fully understand" is beyond me. How do you proclaim to know what was going on in his head. The arrogance is unreal. I also don't think that anyone here is suggesting a 6 year old shouldn't have a consequence if appropriate, but that shouting is unacceptable which you seem to be agreeing with anyway. Problem is people will use the word "firm" when what they're actually describing is shouting and being verbally aggressive to a child which is always unacceptable

theresapossuminthekitchen · 04/10/2025 11:26

Ringthebell26 · 03/10/2025 00:31

“I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.”

TBH I think the teacher was really rude saying this. Would she have been as abrupt with an adult?

Right… so teachers must carefully explain the difference between being in pain and being injured, despite the point being that there are too many interruptions happening for learning/the particular task to be done because these are small children who are not to be treated as adults. But, also, teachers must speak to children exactly as they would speak to an adult…? One would expect not to be this abrupt with adults, because adults wouldn’t need to be told this in the first place. Would you tell an adult to ‘go and wash your hands for dinner’? No, it would be rude and abrupt, but we do say that to our children because they don’t know yet how to behave in certain situations and won’t automatically go and wash their hands.

The reality is, in a busy classroom of 30 6-year-olds, you have to sometimes firmly shut down the interruptions and this kind of instruction usually comes after they’ve already tried the usual range of ‘everybody needs to be focusing on their work’/‘we need to work now, not ask questions’ gentle guidance. If it had been me, he wouldn’t have been given the chance to say it because when his hand went up, I would have asked him: ‘Are you in pain?’ ‘No.’ ‘Are you injured?’ ‘No.’ ‘Do you need the toilet?’ ‘No.’ ‘Fantastic! Hand down then. Now, let’s all get on with our work.’ (Said with a smile.) No reprimands needed, no derailing the lesson, and he’s helped me reiterate my expectations! However, it’s taken me 20 years of teaching to learn to handle things that way - to kindly but firmly take back control of a classroom is really difficult. Many people struggle to get one or two children to do what they ask, but then expect that a teacher can get thirty children to do what they ask every time without ever losing their cool or so much as upsetting them (especially hard when they’re the centre of their parents’ world and aren’t used to being expected to compromise their wants).

Nobody should be ranting/shouting at a 6-year-old but you need to be very sure that’s what happened first and not just a firm ‘telling off’. OP, I’d be more concerned about his general unhappiness and try to get to the bottom of that - it may need a conversation with the teacher, but it also may need to be a conversation with your child about how school changes each year as you grow up a bit - you need to balance being alert to a genuinely poor classroom environment/serious problems with the teacher(s) and encouraging your son to be resilient when things are just less enjoyable/fun and harder work. Year 2 should still be somewhat relaxed and they are still little so there should be plenty of active learning/crafts/physical activity, etc. but there will also start to be more occasions of quiet/silent work. (E.g. I would ask, when he says they had to work in silence, whether they had been asked to work quietly before the teacher asked for silence? In which case, they probably weren’t managing ‘quiet’, which is subjective, so were asked for ‘silent’, which is clear. That can be a way to build towards more appropriately quiet working. Don’t ask how long they had to work in silence, but instead ask what they were doing when working in silence - you can judge how long the task(s) might have taken. I’d be surprised if they can keep 6-year-olds actually silent for more than 5 minutes at a time unless they’re sat listening to the teacher (and even then!)

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 04/10/2025 12:15

WalnutsAndFigs · 02/10/2025 21:56

Well he was being a smart arse wasn't he
It's very hard to know how much children embellish so I don't think anyone here can say for sure if the teacher was appropriately firm or figuratively transformed into a fire breathing monster

He was asking if the two words had the same meaning.... Hardly a smart arse

cardibach · 04/10/2025 12:42

sidebirds · 04/10/2025 10:37

The child didn't "try to correct" the teacher, he successfully schooled the clown. Teachers are frequently poseurs, crassly performative in their self-aggrandising attempts at popularity amongst their charges. The nipper displayed an appreciation of language subtle beyond his years; dutifully wiping the floor with this egotistical bore.

He was wrong, as are you. It wasn’t a subtle appreciation of language. The two things have a small overlap - the more subtly you interrogate the meaning, the lass the child was correct. I hope you home school your children as your attitude to teachers is disgusting, frankly.

cardibach · 04/10/2025 12:45

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 04/10/2025 12:15

He was asking if the two words had the same meaning.... Hardly a smart arse

No, he wasn’t asking. He was telling the teacher they were the same. Which they aren’t. He was trying to show her up (yes, at a 6 year old level, so I’m not saying he was doing it nastily, but it was still his intention). Plus he would, by 6, know very well what the actual instruction was - ‘don’t disturb me unless it’s an emergency’, so he was being disruptive on that level too.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 04/10/2025 13:35

sidebirds · 04/10/2025 10:37

The child didn't "try to correct" the teacher, he successfully schooled the clown. Teachers are frequently poseurs, crassly performative in their self-aggrandising attempts at popularity amongst their charges. The nipper displayed an appreciation of language subtle beyond his years; dutifully wiping the floor with this egotistical bore.

Except he was wrong...

cherish123 · 04/10/2025 13:37

sidebirds · 04/10/2025 10:37

The child didn't "try to correct" the teacher, he successfully schooled the clown. Teachers are frequently poseurs, crassly performative in their self-aggrandising attempts at popularity amongst their charges. The nipper displayed an appreciation of language subtle beyond his years; dutifully wiping the floor with this egotistical bore.

Err - he was rude and he needs to learn not to speak like this. Attitudes like this from parents is why there are problems with behaviour in schools.

cherish123 · 04/10/2025 13:39

Magsbd · 04/10/2025 10:43

I would definitely have a word with his teacher to find out what exactly happened. A 6 year old should not be shouted at by teachers. Whatever the boy said the teacher should have handled it in a calmer way.

Maybe the teacher was calm. We don't know, though, as OP wasn't there when it happened

cherish123 · 04/10/2025 13:45

ThankYouNigel · 04/10/2025 06:50

Absolutely, you’re well out of it. I am stunned at the lack of support amongst parents in my son’s class for behaviour, from adults who should know better.

My child (7) got rightly sent out to the deputies for chatting and ignoring reminders to stop. Mine and my DH’s response- apologise to his teacher and deputies, authoritative telling off from us both, DC told it was completely unacceptable, zero excuses, removal of privileges at home. We’ve nipped that in the bud pretty quickly. Teacher (who is lovely) was genuinely surprised and appreciative of our response, which speaks volumes of the general level of parental undermining.

Others sent out for the same- one Mum went round telling other parents in the playground the teacher is horrible, strict, her child only talks to help others, it wasn’t her child’s fault but other children, she will complain to the Head. My DS: her daughter is really naughty. Obviously! I’ve seen her appalling behaviour myself and her mum says absolutely nothing to correct her. What a joke.

Children have no right to constantly disrupt learning of both themselves and others.

This is an example of good parenting. Unfortunately, a lot of parents are not like this.

poetryandwine · 04/10/2025 14:07

There isn’t enough information about the particular incident to know what happened.

Overall it is concerning that DS isn’t enjoying school this year. It would be good for OP to learn more about this, with a genuinely open mind. She could have some valid concerns, or DS could be put off by the fact that this teacher’s style isn’t as good a fit for him as last year’s teacher’s was. If she is a bit brusque but not unfair or nasty, he might not be giving her a fair chance. Or, again, there could be a real problem.

However in HE we not uncommonly see teaching evaluations moaning about unfair marking rubrics that are miles from the (written and frequently reiterated) reality, and similar distortions. I assume these complaints feel real to the students.

I am sure DS’ distress feels real to him. That doesn’t mean I would be taking the word of a young child as objective truth. In any case, an important part of participating in formal education is learning to appreciate that many different types of people in this world have something valuable to offer you.

Grammarninja · 04/10/2025 15:39

Your son's comment was either a bid to get a laugh out of the class at the teacher's expense ie. implying that her words were nonsensical OR the result of him taking it very literally and needing clarification. If it was the latter, then maybe ASD is something to look into.
If it was the former, then he took a risk and it backfired. I was a nervous child in school who would have been very upset if the teacher gave out to me. As a result, I would never have made a comment like this for fear of the consequences. It's cheeky and I'd have known that.

lilkitten · 04/10/2025 15:43

Ponderingwindow · 02/10/2025 22:05

It is exactly the kind of clarification a 6yo asd child might make. Calling the child a “smartass” is offensive. Telling the child off is a problem.

a cheeky child would have brushed off a telling off, but a nd child is not going to understand that they did anything wrong. They are legitimately seeking clarification of the teacher’s imprecise language.

I would have done the same, wanting a clarification (and also not understanding that I should be quiet and it's not the time to ask). I'm AuDHD and I'd be more keen to get the right understanding, than understand the social situation. They're also only 6, so it seems a bit of an over-reaction from the teacher.

GoodEnough1 · 04/10/2025 15:56

I’m all for discipline with children but this sounds off and was upsetting to read even though I don’t know the little boy. Any teacher discipline which leaves a child reeling and still sobbing at bedtime has completely overstepped the mark and sounds damaging rather than helpful. I would be on the alert big time.

dontmalbeconme · 04/10/2025 16:21

GoodEnough1 · 04/10/2025 15:56

I’m all for discipline with children but this sounds off and was upsetting to read even though I don’t know the little boy. Any teacher discipline which leaves a child reeling and still sobbing at bedtime has completely overstepped the mark and sounds damaging rather than helpful. I would be on the alert big time.

Or this a disobedient and rude boy who hasn't ever been told no, who is sobbing because he was appropriately chastised for his bad behaviour for the first time in his life and it has come as a shock to him that he isn't going to get away with rudeness and bad behaviour at school.

Regardless of whether he thought pain and injury are the same (they aren't) or he didn't think he was being rude (he was), he must have known that he was being wilfully disobedient when he started talking and asking questions straight after being told not to talk.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 04/10/2025 16:31

CoffeeCantata · 03/10/2025 11:40

I would imagine there's a considerable backstory here!

It sounds as if the teacher had been trying to get the class quiet for some time and that was her final word on the matter, only for Master Annoying to try to be the class joker.

Non-teachers won't understand, however hard they try, the difficulties and subtleties of classroom management. (Anecdote to follow...optional).

One little jokey remark from student can set the whole class off, especially is the child still persists in coming back with another quip. And another 10 mins is wasted.

Anecdote: this concerns an older child (14). He was the son of a friend who had no experience of teaching. Her son was clever and a bit of a handful. He had his phone under the table and the very young female teacher asked 'Josh (nc obvs) what's that in your hand?' Josh replied 'My penis, Miss'. He was bollocked, bollocked again and made to do a Saturday detention in school uniform. This was about 15 years ago, btw.

My friend was indignant. Her son was just making a joke! Hadn't the teacher got a sense of humour? Josh normally got on well with her, so why did she make such a big deal of it? I had to explain that on many levels he was completely out of order. It was an insolent reply, not a joke. Even if it was a joke, it was out of place in the classroom setting - it's not a one-to-one social event, the teacher has her whole class to manage and can't make exceptions to behaviour rules. But most glaringly of all, it was a sexual remark to a young female teacher...would he have done that to a man? Absolutely out of order, and he needed to learn fast that it wasn't acceptable behaviour.

Moral of anecdote: the rules of the classroom are necessarily different to those of home or a night out with your mates.

Your friend sounds like a bellend. She either has little social awareness or thinks the sun shines out her son’s arse and he can do no wrong. Ever.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 04/10/2025 16:37

GoodEnough1 · 04/10/2025 15:56

I’m all for discipline with children but this sounds off and was upsetting to read even though I don’t know the little boy. Any teacher discipline which leaves a child reeling and still sobbing at bedtime has completely overstepped the mark and sounds damaging rather than helpful. I would be on the alert big time.

Surely this so subjective.

A lot of children, not that long ago, would have flushed with embarrassment at being told off and hoped their parents never found out as they’d be in big trouble at home.

If a child is never corrected, encouraged to ask questions in all settings and told how highly intelligent they are - they are naturally going to wilt like a heated crisp packet if they are confronted for their behaviour, regardless of how the teacher does this. There’s no need to go overboard and scream in their faces, but they need to learn what is and isn’t socially acceptable for their own good. Teachers shouldn’t be given carte blanch to bully, but they’ll face a lot of challenging ppl out in the real world unless they live in a bubble - which rather goes against the encouragement these parents wish for them to ‘explore’.

cardibach · 04/10/2025 16:38

lilkitten · 04/10/2025 15:43

I would have done the same, wanting a clarification (and also not understanding that I should be quiet and it's not the time to ask). I'm AuDHD and I'd be more keen to get the right understanding, than understand the social situation. They're also only 6, so it seems a bit of an over-reaction from the teacher.

Edited

Which would make sense if he had asked for clarification. He didn’t. He told 5he teacher she was wrong. She wasn’t.

AmbeeBambee · 04/10/2025 17:02

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:48

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

My 7 year old is very literal, so will get confused at statements like that and will then say similar types of responses. I don't think its rude at all, I think it makes sense. I also think what the teacher said, was very strange in itself!

AmbeeBambee · 04/10/2025 17:07

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Aren't you in pain when you hurt yourself? I am...and at 6 years old they mostly cry from pain from hurting themselves.