Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

[partytimed]

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

Oh give over! Developmentally normal behaviour for a 6 year old is knowing when to follow instructions. They are well able to file a question away for later. Asking this sort of question in that scenario was not “appropriate curiosity”. The child very probably exaggerated the extent of the response, but even if they didn’t, to call it emotional abuse really belittles the actual emotional abuse some children face.

Some teachers are. But based on this one story, it’s not at all clear that is the case here.

Your child was very rude and cheeky. And wrong so doubly irritating. Your reaction to it shows that your child probably doesn't get appropriate discipline at home and is known for being badly behaved at school.

The teacher didnt yell at him for two minutes while he sobbed and apologised. I've worked in schools for decades and not once have I ever seen that directed at a 6 year old. What I have seen is a teacher giving a cheeky child a very appropriately sharp few words about their disruptive and attention seeking behaviour, which is probably what happened here.

In all honesty sometimes young children do get a bit emotional at bedtime about the events of the day - I guess they are reflecting, and on top of that they are tired.

Mine used to annoy me at that age because they would be a box of birds all evening then just when you are rushing to get them off to sleep, they suddenly pipe up about something bothering them that you feel you need to tackle but you are also conscious it's getting late.

The error is in you seeing a 6 year old asking a question ask trying to get a cheap laugh.

😱

Some kids help children in the lower years practice their reading. Earlier this week, my DC (reading helper) told me that the teacher was really shouting at the class. The helpers were waiting in the corridor outside. DC was very glad to have had a different teacher when she was that young.

Many of us can remember a particular teacher fondly and most of us can remember a teacher that used their power inappropriately.

It’s cute you think I’m the one who needs educating here 🤭

I would speak to the Teacher . My own DS was upset and didnt want to go to School.A new teacher had started who was quite strict.A quick word helped .I know children can be hectic, but if he is this upset it may need a word.

Although the child was cheeky and rude not to follow the direct instructions of a teacher and to immediately start to question the teacher instead. I think the shouting was OTT and the situation should have been handled better and used as a teaching moment on how to behave appropriately in class (that's if the shouting did occur which quite a few pp have doubted)

So while I think it was a naughty thing to do and I would definitely want to correct that going forward, I would also want to find out what really did happen before I believed the story about the shouting/ranting teacher, it might have just been a normal telling off that's become exaggerated in his head.

absolutely not the case @JudgeJ using your argument we will bring up a generation who can't communicate without screaming if they don't immediately get their way. And what happens after screaming doesn't work?

I agree some parents do not instil rules and I think that is asking for trouble. I also believe it is the parents role to ensure their child knows how to behave, that they are toilet trained, that they know not to hit people and also that they know not to SCREAM to get their way or their point across. Additionally to ensure they know when they have caused someone distress (like making them cry - as the teacher did in this case!)

However I would not ever agree with a teacher screaming at a 6 year old and making them cry in front of their entire class and continuing to scream even when the child is crying that they are sorry

He was disobedient (speaking when expressly told not to), rude and wrong. Of course he needed to be told off, and of course he will be upset about. OP, as his parent, you really should be able to explain to him what he did wrong. Do you not pull him up on it when hes rude or disobedient at home?

If, and it is a very big if, the teacher shouted at him for an extended period of time, then yes, that appears to be an overreaction. However, it's far more likely that he was given an appropriate telling off, and hes (subconsciously) exaggerating because he was upset about it and is trying to paint the teacher as the bad guy and himself as the victim to gain your sympathy because he wants you to tell him everything's OK. I'd fact find before assuming that he's telling you an unbiased account, because it seems quite unlikely.

Its normal and natural for him to be upset about a telling off.

I really don’t get why so many people are describing the child as naughty in this instance. However I’ve a family full of ADHD and ASD and clarity tends to be important. I could imagine anyone of us trying to clarify the criteria without trying to be disruptive or to get a laugh (it’s not funny so seems a weird suggestion).

Understanding that this is somehow rude and not to clarify in x circumstances is hard. It seems that for most of you this case is intuitively naughty, I don’t see it and I’m a grownup with a reasonable grasp on unspoken rules now. Although I would have possibly identified not to ask questions based on tone of teachers voice. Unspoken rule = don’t ask angry people questions in any scenario as they always get angrier, although that tends to mean unresolved issues and resentment in practice.

if my child suddenly wasn’t enjoying school I’d want to explore why with the teacher.

'people' no, six year olds probably. I have a 5 year old, soon to be 6 year old that would not understand that is a joke.

I had already commented that I would understand at a more senior age a jokey comment like this, wouldn't really think it were appropriate at year 1/2.

Yelling at a child for putting up their hand an asking a question is absolutely a type/ form of emotional abuse.
It also caused distress to the child.

poor little mite

maybe he was annoying to the teacher but she should always be professional he is hardly going to be the first child to annoy her or the last. For him to be so upset is concerning. Of course children at times exaggerate but I would be asking what happened due to your ds being so upset

He was expressly told by the teacher not to talk, and the first thing he did was say something. Even if you think that the questioning wasn't rude in itself (I do think it very rude, as it happens) surely you can see that immediately doing the thing that the teacher told you not to do is disobedient and naughty.

Because 6 year olds are not allowed developmentally ready for this rigidity. Absolutely will need to elaborate it at some point in their lives. In infants is not that point.

The other thing is some kids seem to have no control over whether they what is in their head pops out of their mouth. So possibly he wasn’t being cheeky but not processing his thoughts in his head. Shouting at him is not the best way forward in any case, but it might be worth trying to tease out whether he wasn’t being cheeky / playing up or just not editing.

In fairness I think there is a difference between screaming and shouting. The former implies a complete lack of control. Not saying shouting is good, but at least it could be intended as firmness.

@Calliopespa I agree with you. I said screaming because if a teacher continues to shout at a crying child I think they have lost control

I still firmly believe this teacher probably only barely raised her voice.

Yes you have a point there.

Same.