Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

[partytimed]

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

Yes, he was likely upset and embarrassed about being told off in front of his friends, and has reacted sensitively. He is also maybe worried that the teacher may approach you with the full/true picture that won’t show him in the best light. A good lesson learned for him, that there are times when it’s necessary to shut up.

I don't think that teachers (or anyone) should ever be shouting at 6 year olds. Shouting to make themselves heard maybe, but not at.

My particular concern in this situation is that the teacher doesn't know your child very well yet, and if he turns out to have a brain that is very literal (eg with autism) and also has problems with impulsive behaviour (eg from ADHD) then she has just behaved really badly to a child who has not been at all malicious.

Of course it is possible that your child knew better and has been cheeky, but even at six the ability to control impulses is still being developed (even without any neurodiversity factors). It sounds like the teacher needs support with classroom management/keeping children engaged etc if there is a lot of sitting in silence and he's now hating school. And either way, I think that if he is crying and apologising she should have immediately stopped her rant.

So I think this mostly sounds like a problem with how the teacher handled the situation.

Honestly, catching up with this thread is making me even more supportive of my DP's decision to quit teaching in the next year. Too many parents thinking teachers have no right to admonish a child who blatantly ignored a clear instruction that the rest of the class was able to follow fine. Too many parents thinking they know better than teachers about how to run a classroom despite having never stepped inside one since they were at school themselves. You'd have to be mad to train to be a teacher these days. The entitlement of parents is off the scale.

Have those teachers come from the 1960s or something? “I don’t want to hear from you…” and yelling at a child. Sounds absolutely dismal for those kids.

Read @MotherMary14 very sensible reply, suspect you are one of those parents.
My teachers in the 60s were fine, i loved school.

I agree with the poster earlier, teachers very rarely shout at anyone. I only heard it once in 5 years, and that was because of something very dangerous.

So many errors here. First, no-one was 'outsmarted', the child was wrong. Second the child was rude and probably disruptive, trying to get a cheap laugh.

My friend is retiring because of the change in behaviour of recent intake. As well as being expected to change nappies she has to put up with 4 & 5 year olds hitting and kicking her and shouting at her when she tries to deal with them. She has loved her job and you can see she’s been popular as we’ve bumped into many of her former children and their parents and they all clearly love to see her. She has to shout so that the children listen to her. It’s sad to see she’s lost the job she loved

For trying to be smart, not for asking a sensible question

Can I add that this type of parent thinks they can just appear in school to 'have a word', if they had to make an appointment to see the teacher at a time convenient to both, as one does with other professional people, they may decide that their petty moan isn't really all that important. No teacher should be expected to speak to parents at the end of school without notice.

You win the thread for the most ridiculous, simplistic and ignorant interpretation of the OP.

Egos 🙄

It’s almost as if you thought being a teacher was the same as being a mummy, all on her own with her one child. I mean, we know that teachers have oodles of spare time to banter with one 6 year old while the other 29 sit in obedient silence awaiting further instructions.

To use a phrase I admit I hate - educate yourself.

Would lawyers, accountants or doctors allow you to just rock up and bend their ear without an appointment?

I don’t think so!

Thus encapsulating why so many children today are how they are, 'gentle', aka neglectful, parenting drifting down into schools. These children will go through school knowing no discipline because mummsy thinks that her little cherub is perfect and no one is allowed an alternative opinion. Dealing with one child's misbehaviour, or probably ignoring it, in the home is totally different from a class of 30 in a classroom situation where the needs of everyone have to be considered, not just the special one.

He seemed awfully distressed for being told to be quiet.
Is he usually inconsolable over protracted periods?

We have no idea if the OP’s son had been interrupting in a similar way earlier in the lesson.

I am trying to understand why so many people are convinced that pain and injury are the same.
When you have a headache - what is the injury?
If you have a cut does it always hurt?

It has been said the boy is intelligent because he questioned two words that are similar but at the same not intelligent enough to understand the teacher didn’t want interruptions.

As for if she didn’t want interruptions she shouldn’t have let him speak - maybe she thought he was going to say something that was allowed.

I’d be interested if the boy could demonstrate his understanding of two minutes in a different situation.

If he was so upset why did he say nothing to Dad at pick up?

I would believe him, poor lad.

Yes, I would speak to the teachers about this. It's not on. He asked an entirely reasonable question.

In my (admittedly limited experience) mine often react the worse when told off when they were not expecting to be. As opposed to when they know they should be!

First off he didn’t outsmart pain and injured are not the same - yes there is overlap and yes feeling ill or injured or ill and pain would actually have less overlap but they aren’t the same and the fact it bothered him enough to ask (and I think it did bother him rather than being cheeky given his reaction) is a slight flag

OP it sounds as if the teacher handled the situation badly. I moved my younger DCs from a joyless village primary, which made them thoroughly miserable, to a far more child friendly prep school, which they loved, after a similar incident. In general, I found it easier to have a customer / service provider relationship with DCs schools when they were small and less able to advocate for themselves.

No wonder teachers are quitting in their droves.

I think he'd been embarrassed - which in fairness is not a nice feeling.

And what skills do you have that mean you know better when it comes to dealing with a class of 30 kids? And teachers are skilled – you can't teach without having a degree and having completed teacher training. So showing your ignorance there.

Some teachers are bullies. And parents should stand up to that.

It is not the main reason that teachers are quitting in their droves. Mostly, they are 'managed out' when progression to the next pay grade is not possible.

Not a nice feeling at all, but 'still crying at bedtime' is what I'm wondering about.