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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

863 replies

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:48

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 03/10/2025 10:52

"Two minutes"? I seriously doubt it. A six year old has very little chance of knowing this was two minutes.

And as other pp have said, constant interruptions, often entirely unrelated to the learning, doesn't half try a teacher's patience.

AguNwaanyi · 03/10/2025 10:54

I pity many of you lots children if they are being disciplined for childish curiosity just because your own egos can’t handle feeling outsmarted by a 6 year old.

OP, your son was not rude. This was such an easy situation for the teacher to nip in the bud as well, but instead they chose to escalate it.

VickyEadieofThigh · 03/10/2025 10:57

TheignT · 03/10/2025 10:17

A child would be hit for putting their hand up and asking a question. Can I ask when you were at school, I'm in my 70s and the Nuns who taught me were quite handy with the cane but they didn't hit six year olds.

I think physical punishment was correctly banned and no child should be struck for any reason; however, I'm 67 and had my legs slapped at age 6 for (get this) not going to the toilet at playtime. It WAS a thing.

sundaychairtree · 03/10/2025 11:01

AguNwaanyi · 03/10/2025 10:54

I pity many of you lots children if they are being disciplined for childish curiosity just because your own egos can’t handle feeling outsmarted by a 6 year old.

OP, your son was not rude. This was such an easy situation for the teacher to nip in the bud as well, but instead they chose to escalate it.

Who has been outsmarted by a 6 year old??

sundaychairtree · 03/10/2025 11:02

I think the op needs to work with her child on manners, resilience, truthfulness (and vocabulary).

Calliopespa · 03/10/2025 11:05

Sandytoes66 · 03/10/2025 10:51

I am in shock at how many people think this is OK from a teacher of a 6 year old child!? Even though we don't have the full picture, the amount of people saying they side with the teacher... terrifying! I am a teacher myself and absolutely understand that 6 year olds can be cheeky, disruptive, chatty, inquisitive, funny, rude and absolutely everything else. He should not have been shouted at. Sounds like the teacher cannot control their emotions/temper which sounds very much like a concern and yes, if this had happened to my daughter, I would be speaking to the teacher to get to the bottom of it.

No, he should not have been shouted at.

I do think 6 is old enough to start to understand that the observation he made was quite redundant, but, if the teacher shouted, he should have been reprimanded in a more controlled way.

NebulousSupportPostcard · 03/10/2025 11:05

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:48

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

Was it an older teacher/teaching assistant? I don't mean to be ageist, but I think it may be relevant in that I am in my 50s and that is the kind of outburst that I recall happened sometimes with teachers in my state schools in a working class area back in the 1980s. Sometimes children could be very cheeky, perhaps showing off, or emulating behaviour of older siblings, or just not yet having learned to read the room and pick their moment. And then, on a bad day, a teacher would lose control of themselves and yell and shout disproportionately at the offender. I can still remember specific ( kind of traumatic) incidents, and where we were all sat and how it felt observing it, and I was not even the target of the teacher's fury. When we discuss these incidents among old schoolfriends, others are often astonished that it was a fairly regular, if not frequent, part of school life.

Teacher training is very different now, and I would expect teachers to know that expectations on them are very different than in the past, regardless of the prevailing attitudes in their current school. In the very strict academy schools now, children seem to receive sanctions very quickly bu,t if anything, there is a tendency to over-control teachers as well as kids. Losing it and yelling isn't something that most schools would find acceptable in a teacher.

I wonder if an overwhelmed teacher has reacted in a manner that they experienced at some time in the past, maybe in school. Any or all of what I have suggested could be entirely irrelevant, but somewhere along the line they have learned to respond to stress by reacting loudly in the moment, rather than pausing and dealing with things in a sensible, moderate way.

I feel very sorry for your child because the response was disproportionate and distressingly unhelpful, even if we take the most uncharitable possible interpretation of your child's own part in it. 6 year olds are capable of being utterly infuriating, but for a single incident involving a single child (assuming there aren't underlying problems or an escalation of previous behaviour) then some time for both parties to cool down, and a clear (stern if appropriate) chat about expectations, should be enough to turn things around IMO.

The fact that the incident began with 6yo children being told, in such a harsh way, to be silent, and then for it to erupt like that, would be a real cause of concern for me, and I'd want to discuss the teacher's behaviour and the effects on the child, with a senior membr of staff in a private appointment. If the school thinks your child was at fault, you should be receptive to that too, but the two things need separate attention and you are not unreasonable to be concerned. The teacher may need and benefit from help, and/or they may need to be sanctioned, and that's something the school leaders need to be concerned with.

Calliopespa · 03/10/2025 11:08

sundaychairtree · 03/10/2025 11:01

Who has been outsmarted by a 6 year old??

He hadn't outsmarted anyone.

If injured and in pain meant the same thing, then they meant the same thing. There was no gotcha in it. It's not as if the teacher said "I have three separate and entirely distinct concepts here."

But actually you can get injured ( bump to nose causing nose bleed for example) without actually feeling much pain.

Legomania · 03/10/2025 11:08

DS1 went through a phase of this at 8-9. I am delighted that my son is bright and has a good vocabulary, but he still needed to learn that there is a time and a place and that nitpicking won't win you any friends.

Saying that, at six, both of my dc would probably have meant this as a genuine enquiry, although at school they would probably have known to keep their mouths shut in the moment.

ldnmusic87 · 03/10/2025 11:08

Your child was being a smart arse and was told off by a frustrated teacher.

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 03/10/2025 11:08

LooLooT · 03/10/2025 10:45

Having worked in a school I can exactly imagine this situation. Your son has made a bit of a smart-arsed comment, probably to get a giggle from his friends & was rightly told off for it. He has interpreted this as ‘shouting’ because he didn’t like it. My own
children do the same, tell me I’m shouting when all I’ve done is change the tone of my voice. Honestly I’ve very, very rarely if ever heard a teacher ‘shout’. It’s just not the done thing, especially in early years. I hope with time he becomes more resilient & stops the back-chatting!

Edited

@LooLooT according to @Happyher its standard practice (I don't agree with her statement) but I do think there are teachers that are in the wrong profession and do the wrong thing at times and that is to our childs self esteem.

My own DS has this occur from no fault of his on, he was a child of 7 who asked a question. At 21 my DS still remembers this happening and the distress is clearly still there that he was humiliated in that way. The teacher was given a warning by the head and in the end left as teaching was not for them, their personality didn't suit it. @partytimed remember everything is worth investigating, its your child.This wont be the first time its happened in their teaching career

Catpiece · 03/10/2025 11:10

Call me old fashioned but when I was at primary school in the 60s we were often asked to be quiet. No one back-chatted. The teacher was the adult in charge.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 03/10/2025 11:14

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:58

I would be happier if I could be reassured that he was being a smart arse and got a deserved ticking off. I’d rather that than worry about disproportionate reactions from teachers who can’t keep their tempers. Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

Your last sentence makes it easier to understand why your child said what he did.

Primary school isn’t about exploring what the teacher said unless it is a set task to do so, this isn’t College or University. Maybe you should place him in an alternative setting or home school if you feel this strongly about it.

Also do you need to be reassured he wasn’t being a smart arse when he told you exactly what he said which was smart arsed? Technically being hurt or injured can be separate - one could refer to a persistent headache, the other a bang on the head. Explain this to your son.

Correcting a teacher in front of the class is rude. As correcting a boss in front of work colleagues would be. This is a life lesson he needs to learn for the majority of jobs, but also in a wider social setting. Correcting a bloke in a club/pub or at a taxi rank when he’s old enough to go out could land him on the floor, or worse.

sashh · 03/10/2025 11:15

Was it a windy day by any chance?

Lots of primary teachers will tell you windy days do something tot he children.

I would imagine the teacher had been trying to get the children to be quiet for a while .

EmeraldShamrock000 · 03/10/2025 11:16

Oh, there was an appropriate way to respond to his question, followed by no more interruptions please.
Thankfully I only had a bad experience with one very strict teacher, it was a tough year trying to get DS to school, it wasn't just my child or his class, this teacher is known to be ridiculously strict and moody, she should look for another job, DS told me another teacher said to her "Good morning, Miss Trunchbull" jokingly, DS silently thought this was brilliant.

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 03/10/2025 11:18

A smart arse at 6? He's just a baby for goodness sake.

I don't think it's appropriate for a teacher to feel defensive about a child pointing out a slight inaccuracy. And from what I recall of primary school teachers there are many inaccuracies... It shows a lack of maturity and sense of humour.

They're very tribal....point out an issue such as letting unsupervised kids on a school trip run around in an area that has water on all sides (as a random example) and you're labelled a trouble-maker for life.

Legomania · 03/10/2025 11:18

Op is this a private school? Obviously behaviour expectations can be high, but also some private school teachers are very used to having small, compliant classes and haven't had to develop their behaviour management skills in the same way as in the state sector.

FenywHysbys · 03/10/2025 11:29

Normal 6 yr old behaviour. The teacher’s reaction was not normal. At all.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 03/10/2025 11:29

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 03/10/2025 11:18

A smart arse at 6? He's just a baby for goodness sake.

I don't think it's appropriate for a teacher to feel defensive about a child pointing out a slight inaccuracy. And from what I recall of primary school teachers there are many inaccuracies... It shows a lack of maturity and sense of humour.

They're very tribal....point out an issue such as letting unsupervised kids on a school trip run around in an area that has water on all sides (as a random example) and you're labelled a trouble-maker for life.

It wasn't an inaccuracy...

Calliopespa · 03/10/2025 11:32

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:58

I would be happier if I could be reassured that he was being a smart arse and got a deserved ticking off. I’d rather that than worry about disproportionate reactions from teachers who can’t keep their tempers. Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

I think in all honesty op, unless there are some ND issues involved, 6 years is old enough to recognise that people sometimes use tautologous phrasings, and that it didn't detract from her meaning or require any "exploration."

It may be, as you say, that he didn't mean to be rude in the sense of ridiculing her, but I think he did mean to point out how clever he was to spot it, and 6 is a good time to start learning that that doesn't go down well in a social setting.

However, being shouted at was not acceptable.

CoffeeCantata · 03/10/2025 11:40

sashh · 03/10/2025 11:15

Was it a windy day by any chance?

Lots of primary teachers will tell you windy days do something tot he children.

I would imagine the teacher had been trying to get the children to be quiet for a while .

I would imagine there's a considerable backstory here!

It sounds as if the teacher had been trying to get the class quiet for some time and that was her final word on the matter, only for Master Annoying to try to be the class joker.

Non-teachers won't understand, however hard they try, the difficulties and subtleties of classroom management. (Anecdote to follow...optional).

One little jokey remark from student can set the whole class off, especially is the child still persists in coming back with another quip. And another 10 mins is wasted.

Anecdote: this concerns an older child (14). He was the son of a friend who had no experience of teaching. Her son was clever and a bit of a handful. He had his phone under the table and the very young female teacher asked 'Josh (nc obvs) what's that in your hand?' Josh replied 'My penis, Miss'. He was bollocked, bollocked again and made to do a Saturday detention in school uniform. This was about 15 years ago, btw.

My friend was indignant. Her son was just making a joke! Hadn't the teacher got a sense of humour? Josh normally got on well with her, so why did she make such a big deal of it? I had to explain that on many levels he was completely out of order. It was an insolent reply, not a joke. Even if it was a joke, it was out of place in the classroom setting - it's not a one-to-one social event, the teacher has her whole class to manage and can't make exceptions to behaviour rules. But most glaringly of all, it was a sexual remark to a young female teacher...would he have done that to a man? Absolutely out of order, and he needed to learn fast that it wasn't acceptable behaviour.

Moral of anecdote: the rules of the classroom are necessarily different to those of home or a night out with your mates.

NebulousSupportPostcard · 03/10/2025 11:51

VickyEadieofThigh · 03/10/2025 10:57

I think physical punishment was correctly banned and no child should be struck for any reason; however, I'm 67 and had my legs slapped at age 6 for (get this) not going to the toilet at playtime. It WAS a thing.

I volunteered in a school for kids with emotional problems when i was in 6th form in 80s. Corporal punishment was banned maybe 6 years previously, and yet small children with known trauma histories were slapped hard for misbehaviour by one particular teacher. It was shocking then as it would be now.

I think teachers generally have an incredibly hard job, and that infant teachers have the hardest job of all because of the sheer scale of developmental difference between children just a few months apart in age. Teachers face relentless criticism as a profession. And children can and do behave badly at times. And parents can be very much oblivious to their own children's fauults, and over-react when they shouldn't,

All that said, some teachers lack the self control required for the role and it isn't a criticism of an entire profession to recognise red flags and intervene as necessary.

1543click · 03/10/2025 11:53

Children always use the word shout when describing a firm tone. They've been doing it for the over 30 years I've been teaching!

MotherMary14 · 03/10/2025 12:02

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 03/10/2025 11:18

A smart arse at 6? He's just a baby for goodness sake.

I don't think it's appropriate for a teacher to feel defensive about a child pointing out a slight inaccuracy. And from what I recall of primary school teachers there are many inaccuracies... It shows a lack of maturity and sense of humour.

They're very tribal....point out an issue such as letting unsupervised kids on a school trip run around in an area that has water on all sides (as a random example) and you're labelled a trouble-maker for life.

Calling out the inaccuracy wasn't the issue though. It was him piping and interrupting when the class had been instructed to be silent. And a six-year-old is not a baby! It's that kind of infantilising of children which results in them going to pieces when a teacher tells them off.

Calliopespa · 03/10/2025 12:06

VickyEadieofThigh · 03/10/2025 10:57

I think physical punishment was correctly banned and no child should be struck for any reason; however, I'm 67 and had my legs slapped at age 6 for (get this) not going to the toilet at playtime. It WAS a thing.

That was a rule at my school too!

I'm a bit younger so things had softened and we just got a very stern "why didn't you go at break?" if we asked to go during class, but it was definitely a big part of what break was intended for and we were expected to use it that way. It was also the time to have a proper drink - not just a few half-hearted slurps on a drink bottle, but a proper fluid top-up.

Obviously physical punishment (or in fact any punishment) for needing the loo outside those times is not something we would condone today, but I still feel that there should be an more general understanding that this is when you ought to try to go.

I think loads of classrooms are full of children slurping on drink bottles like overgrown babies then wandering in and out of class to the loo like a nursery setting.

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