Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

[partytimed]

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

You only have a 6 year old child’s version of that and it’s seems ok to me given that when I was at school behaviour like that would have got a clip round the ear and sent to stand in the corner facing the wall for the rest of the class.
My friends an HLTA and is retiring early because she’s fedup of having to shout all day. She can hardly speak by evening. She loved her job once but says the children nowadays are starting school with no idea how to behave.
OP’s child just learned a good lesson that actions have consequences and she shouldn’t diminish what he’s learned

It's a hard one op, because I think people take these comments from children quite differently.

One of my friends has a little boy who makes "interesting observations" about everything. His mum always beams and says "He is SO observant" and quite honestly I always quietly think "You mean so impertinent."

The sorts of things he says are " why do you have that long umbrella instead of a proper one that folds up?" or " why don't you ever make your dc finish their snack?" or "why has your dc got that old scooter, not a [insert brand name; this "observant" kid is big on brand names!] ?" But there is almost always a thinly concealed judgment in it; it isn't just observant, and I can see your dc's comment was similar in that regard.

After a while it just gets so that you feel like saying "why don't you mind your own business"" But his mum think he is chatty and observant.

I think by 6 children should be starting to learn that some things can be privately wondered at or observed and a filter can be a useful social tool. If she was trying to get the class under control, I can see it might have grated even more.

Making a child cry so much seems excessive however, and, like you, I would not be happy if that happened to my child. But is there a chance he makes a lot of these sorts of comments? Because people do reach tipping point.

Who has said the teacher 'screamed' at him?

Probably good your friend is retiring as it 100% should not be that way - she should not be yelling all day.

I can tell you that it is not normal to scream at children .........

You are meant to nurture the young and teach them positive behaviours not scream or send them to stand in the corner again humiliating them as a person, that teaches nothing.

All OP's DS has learned is that teachers are scary and you can't trust them to help you if you have a question.

There are other ways to enforce discipline if its needed.

I'm assuming you are quite old, as your comments suggest being out of touch with todays education.

Is there any way your six year old child is not remembering well or is exaggerating?
First step, I would be going in and speaking with the teacher and gaining their interpretation of the event.

Check with The Teacher
Someone could look at DD wrong and she would claim to have beeen shouted at while DS could get a reall bollocking and hardly notice

It wasn't the teacher who was telling the kids not to interrupt her who upset the child.

A child is confused by what a teacher says and puts their hand up to clarify. I can't see what's wrong with that, children should be able to ask teachers questions.

He was a little bit cheeky but for the teacher to say that in the first place is out of order. My son is so quiet at school and would therefore be terrified to speak to the teacher after that. Also shouting is not an appropriate response

A child would be hit for putting their hand up and asking a question. Can I ask when you were at school, I'm in my 70s and the Nuns who taught me were quite handy with the cane but they didn't hit six year olds.

Yes, I didn't mean to imply it was the same teacher, but I see I have implied that.

I just wondered if it was a general staff room gripe.

I'm not so sure the child was actually confused as such. It sounds as though the teachers didn't think so either.

Yes, my dc can differ in their responses to reprimands as well.

But I think if this little boy was sobbing so much, it probably was a bollocking.

On the other hand, if he makes a lot of these comments, a bollocking probably was in the offing.

Id be a bit miffed if I was the first teacher and another teacher walked in and started shouting in my lesson. I think that is very rude.

You child was cheeky and in the midst of a teacher calming 30+ children down he chose to speak up (he had been asked not to speak) and to criticise a teachers language use (who was probably stressed and struggling to find exact words).
In addition you admit your son is sensitive. And at age 6 he is learning some valuable life lessons about how and when you speak, how to navigate social situations (school is totally different from home)
While we can pick fault with both teachers language with hindsight, we need to consider the moment they were facing.

Personally it sounds like the son needs to learn when not to speak up, and will learn some resilience in life is needed, and that when there are 30+ in a class being the one to stand out for negative reasons is not a Good Thing.

And I personally would be asking him what he would do differently next time...

Totally agree with this post. This is a normal 6 year old boy challenging boundaries. It's disappointing that so many on here want to label him as autistic on such flimsy evidence. ( What sort of people rush to label a child they don't know with a psychological condition?)
By the sounds of it the poor behaviour in the lesson had been brewing for a while.The teacher had tried the 'softly - softly' approach and had been ignored so they set a firmer boundary. This is normal behaviour management. The language used is not the main issue here.This child chose to challenge the boundary and the telling-off was a consequence.
What happened subsequently is very telling.
The IP's child has gone home upset at being told off and has told a 'version' of the truth which they know will press buttons with their parent.
Sure enough the parent is straight onto MN and looking for reasons to criticise the teacher. Meanwhile this child has shifted attention away from their behaviour and the adults are re-enforcing this by their criticism of the teacher.
IMO this is a dangerous precedent to set.
If you want a well behaved, well adjusted child, back your teacher and teach your child that behaviour choices have consequences

Yes that was an odd dynamic.

I guess that's where I got the impression that the staff knew they were all on the same page about it - as if it had been an ongoing issue.

I can imagine this was said as a joke, cant imagine people take this as a serious thing...

Or it is a colleague arriving in a room full of noisy 6 year olds and seeing a colleague struggling - so stepping in to support and silence the ones who are not behaving. What would you do in that situation - would you just walk out the room and not say a word?

By the time he’s 15 and saying similar smart arse stuff to you all the time OP you’ll have a lot more sympathy with the teacher’s reaction!

He was told to be quiet and immediately said something unnecessary, so yes he was rude.

My Autistic DS takes things very literally and would definitely come to the same conclusion BUT he’s unlikely to comment out loud as he knows that other people often don’t see things in the same way.

He also hates shouty teachers as it causes him a lot of distress.

Can you change classes or school as this one doesn’t sound a very nurturing environment? We moved and chose a small village school for DS and it was perfect for him.

The kind of smart comment your son made trying to catch teacher out is at odds with with the tearful sensitive soul you describe.
The initial comment the teacher made about no one leaving the room is clearly made by someone at the end of their tether by loads of spurious requests for the toilet etc and for your son to make such a smart comment afterwards surely he would’ve known the response if he didn’t then he does now.

Had I been the teacher I would have been irritated. Its back chat, when they have been asked to be quiet. Who told you he had been sobbing and apologising for 2 minutes? I don't condone teachers shouting however. I would have a word with my child about making irritating 'observations'

Having worked in a school I can exactly imagine this situation. Your son has made a bit of a smart-arsed comment, probably to get a giggle from his friends & was rightly told off for it. He has interpreted this as ‘shouting’ because he didn’t like it. My own
children do the same, tell me I’m shouting when all I’ve done is change the tone of my voice. Honestly I’ve very, very rarely if ever heard a teacher ‘shout’. It’s just not the done thing, especially in early years. I hope with time he becomes more resilient & stops the back-chatting!

But he still shouldn’t have said it - he was trying to score a point off the teacher.

Yes, it was rude backchat from your child, maybe he didn’t realise the extent since he’s only six but it’s a good lesson for him to learn. Seeing the teacher to complain about this would be over the top. Obviously if he continues to be unhappy at school then meet with them to explore the reasons more generally but there is nothing wrong with strict teachers, it builds resilience and will do him good in the long run.

I am in shock at how many people think this is OK from a teacher of a 6 year old child!? Even though we don't have the full picture, the amount of people saying they side with the teacher... terrifying! I am a teacher myself and absolutely understand that 6 year olds can be cheeky, disruptive, chatty, inquisitive, funny, rude and absolutely everything else. He should not have been shouted at. Sounds like the teacher cannot control their emotions/temper which sounds very much like a concern and yes, if this had happened to my daughter, I would be speaking to the teacher to get to the bottom of it.