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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

863 replies

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:48

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 03/10/2025 09:00

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:58

I would be happier if I could be reassured that he was being a smart arse and got a deserved ticking off. I’d rather that than worry about disproportionate reactions from teachers who can’t keep their tempers. Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

It sounds like a smart arse response, but I guess it could have been a genuine query, it depends on tone. I’d probably trust the teacher on that to an extent. You know your child. You know what they are prone to. I suspect you think it could have been a smart arse response otherwise you wouldn’t be wondering. If so, well - if it isn’t the consequences of his actions. He learned a boundary today.

In terms of disproportionate reactions, teachers are human too. If they are using that line, it’s because the class (or a student) has got on their last nerve. They effectively told him to shut up, and he spoke. If I’m already pissed off, I’d probably shout too. The nonsense about his friends comforting and him apologising was adding to the irritation, they just needed the class to STFU and he still wasn’t doing it. I’d have put him out of the class to calm down.

A 6 year old complaining they have to sit in silence is also very contextual. If he is naturally chatty, being told from time to time to be quiet will be sitting in silence. What’s probably happening is, he talks too much when he shouldn’t. No teacher of 6 year olds expects silence all the time.

Still crying at bedtime is an extreme reaction. I say this as a the parent of a highly strung kid, who when she was shouted at by a teacher in P4 (the first time ever, and it was for chatting when she shouldn’t) she cried about it when she told me for about 10 minutes. I told her she was doing well if this was the first time a teacher shouted at her and next time when she is told not to talk, don’t talk. There is rarely something that absolutely needs to be said in that moment. Just remind him he needs to not talk to his friends when they are supposed to be quiet, and if he does, he may get in trouble.

I wouldn’t bother the teacher about this. There isn’t going to be any outcome which will change anything. If the teacher is prone to shouting at the kids, they aren’t going to change. You could take it up the chain but on the strength of one report, nothing will happen. You don’t need them to tell you if he was being cheeky, you simply point out to him that even if it was genuine, it would always sound cheeky. He did not need to know that answer, but if he wanted to know, he could have waited and asked later, or asked you when he got home. He needs to learn to read the room.

Strict and scary teachers also varies from child to child. Mine loved the ones who were said to be strict and scary. They kept control, they didn’t allow kids to be disruptive, and according to her, if they chewed a kid out, the kid deserved it. Well behaved kids have nothing to fear from strict and scary teachers. If he is becoming anxious, what is he afraid of? Keep your powder dry, remind your child of the rules, but if it becomes a regular occurrence, bring it to them at that point.

Boomer55 · 03/10/2025 09:06

Too much drama here.

He will soon get over being told off.

He answered back, rightly got told off, and perhaps he’ll learn from it. 🙄

CoffeeCantata · 03/10/2025 09:07

ImTheOnlyUpsyOne · 03/10/2025 08:41

I remember making a comment like that in class at around the age. I was told to stop being facetious and I remember going and asking my mum what that meant. I was also very upset and still hate that teacher 30 years later.

Taught me that there's a time to speak and a time to keep silent....sorry your son is feeling sad about school now. I'm sure it will pass

Because you were a pain and got called out for it?

Wow.

SL2924 · 03/10/2025 09:11

He is over sensitive. You are over sensitive.

The teacher can’t go “reassuring” parents every time a child is told off. I think you need to get a grip. 6 year olds know when they’re being smart arses.

RickertyRocker · 03/10/2025 09:12

After being told to be quiet unless an emergency, putting his hand up was unnecessary, making an observation or comment was rude.

You can be in pain without being injured.

Irritatingalex · 03/10/2025 09:15

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:56

I would benefit from hearing from the teacher as DS is very sensitive especially around shouting so I’m hoping what he describes as a two minute long rant whilst he sobs and apologises wasn’t as horrible as that. But he seems very distressed by it so something has happened.

Yes, what happened was he was called out on being a smart-arse and now knows better the appropriate way to speak to a teacher. Maybe he’s upset because he’s used to people encouraging his cheeky attitude by praising him or just laughing.

TheignT · 03/10/2025 09:21

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

If you've injured yourself it will almost certainly cause pain so yes I think pain would have covered it. No real need to clarify but I don't think he was wrong.

Livelovebehappy · 03/10/2025 09:21

Maybe because of slack rules previously, the classroom has become a bit feral. Young children need to be taught boundaries. If no boundaries are put in place, classrooms can reduce to children just following their peers, copying their distracting behaviour. Sounds like your DS wants to be the class clown, and if he made that comment, and you think the strictness is there, he clearly wasn’t scared of the teacher. Maybe have a discussion with him about appropriate behaviour at school, and how not to distract people around him who might want to learn.

TheignT · 03/10/2025 09:21

Irritatingalex · 03/10/2025 09:15

Yes, what happened was he was called out on being a smart-arse and now knows better the appropriate way to speak to a teacher. Maybe he’s upset because he’s used to people encouraging his cheeky attitude by praising him or just laughing.

The OP said he put his hand up so no calling out.

TheignT · 03/10/2025 09:24

SL2924 · 03/10/2025 09:11

He is over sensitive. You are over sensitive.

The teacher can’t go “reassuring” parents every time a child is told off. I think you need to get a grip. 6 year olds know when they’re being smart arses.

Reassuring parents if a child is still crying about an incident several hours later seems perfectly reasonable to me. Surely it can't happen often enough for that to be a problem but if it is happening enough that it is a problem for the teacher to discuss it with the parents then there is something going badly wrong.

Lostworlds · 03/10/2025 09:24

I think he got into trouble for making a cheeky comment. The teacher made clear instructions and your son, even though he put his hand up, made a smart comment. He might not have realised it at the time but another teacher overheard and thought it was rude.

No one here will be able to answer regarding the context of what was going on in class that day. There could have been numerous children shouting out, being silly etc when the teacher is trying to deliver a lesson so has asked everyone to sit quietly and your son has got the brunt of it.
Best thing to do is speak to the teacher to find out what’s happened.

OneGoldKoala · 03/10/2025 09:25

In answer to your question, yes it was rude of your child. If you’re concerned, speak to the teacher.

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 03/10/2025 09:31

partytimed · 02/10/2025 22:09

I don’t need people telling me he did nothing wrong actually, I’m trying to be as neutral and honest as possible with the information I have, and want to know if that comment from him merits a prolonged shouty telling off so much so he was sobbing at school and bedtime. Yes - he’s probably oversensitive and that’s a separate issue. But I’m not great at being objective when it comes to of that comment is very rude and out of order because I don’t believe his intentions would have been to be rude, although I’m not saying it couldn’t have been received as such.

100% you need to address this with the teacher. Yelling at a child is not OK and at age 6 telling them she doesn't want to hear from them is also not ok. If she wants quite time where they focus she says it in a way that the children understand Not "I don't want to hear from you."

That incident could very much knock your child's confidence no matter if they were in the right or wrong. The teacher is the adult and should handle the class appropriately.
The entire encounter sounds 'wrong'. There are some teachers that were never meant to be teachers unfortunately and you must advocate for your child.

The fact the teacher did not mention it to your DH is also an alarm bell........ If they took the time to talk to DH but did not mention your DS getting in trouble to the point of making him cry and the teacher screaming I find that very poor communication.

Others have said your DH was cheeky - that's not the point, maybe he was or maybe he wasn't. The point is he is 6, a very young child, and should not be screamed at and made to cry in front of his entire class. That is crushing for him & I bet he remembers it for a long long time.

Happyher · 03/10/2025 09:32

Your son talked back to teacher. He was cheeky and trying to be clever He deserved a telling off given that the teacher had just made it clear they were to get on with their task silently. You should be supporting the teacher and tell him not to be cheeky in future. A good school will get stricter as the children grow older

Uptightmumma · 03/10/2025 09:36

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:58

I would be happier if I could be reassured that he was being a smart arse and got a deserved ticking off. I’d rather that than worry about disproportionate reactions from teachers who can’t keep their tempers. Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

He is defo being a smart arse and it’s something my child would say cos he thinks he’s being clever, so yeah he was being rude.

sounds like the teacher had told them to be quiet a number of times and the sentence was directed at the whole class and then your child has made a smart arse comment and had been told off.

i would speak to the teacher and I would hang my hat in them telling you there were 10/15 mins trying to get the class to calm down and be quiet, you son had made smart arse/rude comment and then class had laughed and started again!

C152 · 03/10/2025 09:40

It reads as being sarcastic, which I wouldn't be impressed with. Even if it wasn't, the class had just been asked to be quiet, so it wasn't the time to pick holes in the teacher's choice of words and would easily be seen as rude.

As for the other teacher shouting, I am in two minds. Some teachers are overly harsh, some are too soft; that's just something your child is going to have to learn to live with. But from the teacher's point of view, is it possible your child makes comments like this more often than is appreciated?

birling16 · 03/10/2025 09:40

What were the other 32 kids doing when he was showing off?

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 03/10/2025 09:41

Happyher · 03/10/2025 09:32

Your son talked back to teacher. He was cheeky and trying to be clever He deserved a telling off given that the teacher had just made it clear they were to get on with their task silently. You should be supporting the teacher and tell him not to be cheeky in future. A good school will get stricter as the children grow older

@Happyher you think its ok to scream at a 6 year old child to the point of making them cry and humiliating them by continuing to yell while they are crying

You think that is normal and appropriate behaviour by a teacher ?

If DS had been 16 maybe you would be right - he is 6!

Gosh, I am glad you're not my child's teacher

SorrelBohemia · 03/10/2025 09:41

spoonbillstretford · 03/10/2025 07:16

Just trying to imagine how the teacher would cope in a boardroom. I give some training and you get 56 year olds making far worse comments and they don't put their hands up.

The teacher isn’t working in a boardroom. How do you present your slides with all the over-50s shouting you down?

Mumtumtastic · 03/10/2025 09:42

OP trust your gut here. Something happened that really upset and shook your little boy, to the extent they were still upset and crying about it at bedtime. That is not right. 6 years old is little and they won’t get everything right, they have child like reasoning and often speak what they observe or have ideas about. It is so normal for young children to speak plainly ‘say what they see’, it is not necessarily being cheeky, just observational. I would be horrified if my primary aged DC came home as upset as you described and concerned if the upset continued to bedtime.

I don’t think this is a normal outcome from a standard, appropriate teacher telling off, ie firmly but calmly boundary setting with a child, it sounds to me a heavy handed rebuke akin to a verbal bashing, which is not ok.

I would raise it with the school and see what they say (they will of course defend the action taken and minimise if it was indeed heavy handed) but more importantly keep a close watch on your son and see how he is in the coming days and weeks. If he is miserable at school that is a red flag and I would enquire with the school what is going on and consider moving them if the concerns are not addressed. Otherwise if your son is fine and happy then hopefully this was just a one-off poor handling by the teacher on that occasion and they are not normally like this.

Digdongdoo · 03/10/2025 09:42

TheignT · 03/10/2025 09:21

The OP said he put his hand up so no calling out.

He put his hand up, but was he invited to speak? OP doesn't say.

PersephonePomegranate · 03/10/2025 09:46

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:56

I would benefit from hearing from the teacher as DS is very sensitive especially around shouting so I’m hoping what he describes as a two minute long rant whilst he sobs and apologises wasn’t as horrible as that. But he seems very distressed by it so something has happened.

A six year old definitely wouldn't be reliable in calculating the time of the 'rant'.

What have you said to him in response to his backchat when a teacher has expressly told them not to talk? If you som is so scared of the shorties of this teacher, why is he making wise cracks?

Perhaps this is why the teacher is having to be so strict?

rainbowstardrops · 03/10/2025 09:48

He was wrong to be facetious when the teacher was making it perfectly clear that she didn’t want interruptions. Lots of teachers say similar things when they’re being interrupted every five seconds.
I find it hard to believe he could communicate and know that he was sobbing for two minutes and even more unbelievable that the visiting teacher would continue to shout at him during these two minutes.
Presumably he didn’t seem upset at pick up time? Why was he crying about it again at bedtime?
If you’re concerned then speak to the teacher and get a fuller picture. Be prepared to hear that your son might not be the quiet, sensitive boy at school that you think he is though.

Lidlfamilypack · 03/10/2025 09:51

yeah my smart arse DC used to turn on the waterworks when they were being ticked off.

I used to fall for it when they was 3/4 but started to wise up after that.

Tandora · 03/10/2025 09:55

MotherMary14 · 03/10/2025 06:46

It’s got nothing to do with ego and everything to do with behaviour management. If a teacher instructs the class to be quiet and then engages in a debate because some kid has piped up they’ll be undermining themselves. Classes can’t be constant free-for-alls when you have 30 kids to teach.

Yelling at a child for expressing developmentally normal and appropriate curiosity is not "behaviour management", it's emotional abuse.