Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

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My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

My son is very literal and would say the same thing without ill intent - more feeling confused out loud.

Of course this isn't ok. What the teacher said isn't ok and shouting at your son for what he said isn't ok - he's 6 and a child.

I think the language used was very precise. The message was very clear.

I am puzzled. This sensitive child didn't sense the request of the teacher was serious. I assume that the teacher had asked the class several times to work quietly and not to interrupt unless they needed something serious dealing with. If they had sensed this, they wouldn't have asked the question.

Oh come on op, it is very clear he was being told not to talk at that time and he tried to be a bit clever, which was rude and inappropriate of him at that time. Usually, if a class is asked to work in silence it means they haven't been listening or doing there learning, which is what they are there for. All kids these days seem to describe being told off as 'being shouted at'.

I think the fact your child is unhappy and becoming anxious is enough yo say you are not unreasonable. Children can be literal. He never meant to be rude.

The key is listening to how he is feeling. Talk to them but dont expect much change. Some teachers are stricter and believer their way works . But it doesn't work for all the kids.

I would try to address the bigger picture with the school, how he has gone from being happy and confident to fearful, sad and anxious about school. Give his feedback and listen to theirs.

Good luck. You are there for him.

I would take this as a learning opportunity for your son.

Calmly sit him down and explain sometimes adults get cross and stressed and say things in a sharp way. Explain that his comment was unnecessary and could easily come across as cheeky and rude. Then also say “I trust you and will stand up for you but to do that I will need to speak to your teacher and fine out her side of the situation too. Would you like me to talk to her about how upset you were or do you think it would be best to learn from this and move on? No one should shout at your for two minutes and I will speak to her if that is what you want.”

I want my children to know I will stand up for them if it is warranted and when I have all the info From both sides to decide what to do. Also children are seeming to be increasingly less relent and more lost in life so I wouldn’t underestimate the importance of teaching them that not everyone is patient and kind all the time and not every rude comment and hurt needs battle lines drawn.

you know your child, if you have a balanced opinion of them then trust your guy. But if you do talk to the teacher please listen first and talk later.

Ah, but he is a sensitive child, remember. (Strange, as not so sensitive that he can read the room.)

So do you humiliate them when they step out of line?

Why not? At times this will be needed so they can all focus on what they are learning. They don't need to interrupt and stop each other from learning.

He humiliated himself by rudely interrupting. He didn't like that he was told not to do this firmly afterwards. Sounds like a child who gets away with a lot of rudeness at home.

Life is also hard when you just get told off, called rude without a proper explanation of why your behaviour is considered that.

My own kids would say I was shouting at them when I was telling them not to do something they wanted to do. No raised voice (my kids were golden on the whole, so all I had to do was say no, and they would then stop). But because it was not something I usually had to do, they called it shouting.

Your son's account is very detailed for a 6 year old. Also the personality and actions doesn't align, a child that is sensitive wouldn't risk embarrassment of cheeking back / correcting a teachers' language in front of the class.

The comment from your son is rude in its context. The class were told to be quite in essence and rather than do that your son answered back. Surely you know that, if you put yourself as the teacher in this scenario what would you feel about his comment?

Yes, my dd would say the same.

I’m not a teacher but I worked in a school years ago and helped out recently. The majority of primary / early years teachers have an amount of patience I don’t possess.
Unfortunately when children go to school the things they do on repeat at home simply cannot be done at school. They are not able to talk constantly, run around, interrupt or shout out. They have to sit down, keep their hands to themselves and not constantly shout out. There are usually 30 kids in a class. It’s impossible for the teachers to teach anything if they have to constantly stop and ask for children to be quiet. Parents would really help if they got their children ready for school. Help them to sit and have quiet time. Get them to wait their turn and not interrupt. Show them how to get dressed and undressed for PE. Teach them how to use cutlery to eat their lunch and how to wipe their own bottoms after using the toilet. The amount of stuff teachers are having to deal with from young children is overwhelming before they can start to teach them. After all this a stream of parents complaining their child is upset to deal with. I don’t know how they do it.

Or perhaps the teacher was actually trying to teach ie it is a time the children need to listen to learn. Even if they don't want to listen, others in the class do want to listen. Or perhaps the teacher is working with a small group of children, and can't do that if they are constantly interrupted by things that aren't to do with the learning.

IME some children confuse shouting with a sharp tone, that might explain the upset. It sounds like the teacher had put up with the usual pointless questions and comments from the group and were asking for some focus on a task. They might even have said it in a jokey way. Your son’s point was wrong and he also didn’t need to say it. Perhaps it’s something he does a lot, perhaps he never interrupts so was taken aback by being reprimanded. You weren’t there, you’ll never know but maybe speak to the adult in the room and find out! I’m sure the member of staff would be concerned if he was so upset; best to find out the facts.

Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

If course it was rude. The teacher had asked for silence , presumably so that she could get on with explaining something or setting a task or getting the children to concentrate on quiet on something. None of these things is inappropriate.

Your son appeared to question her with a smart arse quibble about the way she’d expressed herself in the moment. How would you like a serious request treated in that way?

He may have raised his hand and expressed himself politely instead of just yelling out, but his action was still rude. He deliberately disobeyed his teacher’s request.

No child at six should be getting a prolonged shouty telling off.

The teacher's initial request was inappropriate for the age group and suggests they're not coping.

Your son is visibly unhappy, even before this incident - it's time for an email to the head saying you're worried something has changed.

sounds to me like he wasn’t intending to be rude but that it was taken in this way (which I can understand) . Don’t agree with the shouting, it is so unnecessary and I think I would be saying so. She would have been better off asking him to wait behind at lunch and talking to him calmly about appropriate timing / thinking before he speaks etc .

I completely disagree, it sounds more like the son is having a tough time behaving and using manners. He needs his parents to support him to make better choices.

In the old days we used to say 'two wrongs don't make a right" - the child is six, they made the wrong comment. However if the teacher did shout for a prolonged period, that was completely unacceptable.

I used to be a teacher.

The teacher's initial comment was completely inappropriate for the age group.

There's no situation where prolonged shouting at a single child would be acceptable.

I'm much more concerned about the teacher's attitude and choices.