Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

KS1 children with SEN can be excluded (usually for a day or two). Not only does this give the school a chance to find a solution, it can be helpful for the SEN child themselves as it adds to the evidence that the child is not coping in mainstream education. It can also help them get a place in specialist provision if required or requested.

OP, your focus is your daughter. In your discussions with the school, ask how they plan to keep her and the other children safe. They won’t say anything about the other child but you’re entitled to make your feelings clear - ie ask why they haven’t considered temp exclusion or a reduced timetable for the child. I’d point out that their inaction isn’t helping the child either. I’d make it very clear that you won’t tolerate further attacks and will be taking things further.

Its coming......they cannot afford any alternatives and as we know, everything boils down to money

The school need to allocate a 1:1 TA to support him. It's early in term but hopefully they will get that sorted ASAP.

What is ‘meeting needs’ here though? It sounds like his ‘need’ is not to be around other children as they set him off? So what then?

They will need relocate resources to provide a TA. They have to - they are legally required. Failing to meet the needs of a disabled child is hugely costly for the school and local authority.

I have already stated in my OP, I am ND and my daughter is on the pathway.

thanks tho

😡

Maybe he can't help it? Maybe he is not very verbal? It is a disability after all.

OP, please don't let people tell you it's unreasonable to prioritize your daughter and not accept her being hit by this other kid. I was routinely physically assaulted by a classmate with 'issues' when I was at school, and had to put up and shut up, basically. Unfortunately, you will need to make a real scene to have this addressed. I'd be giving the school one chance and one chance only to deal with this kid, or I'd be threatening them with lawyers

And your DD has every right to feel safe. The school has a responsibility to ensure she is safe.

You don't have the right to.insist on a specific way of keeping your DD safe i.e. excluding another pupil.

The school needs to put in place measures that keep your DD safe.

Oh yeah let's avoid the disabled kids.

This. 💯. As primary carer. She should have prepared the child for school and saught a suitable school. Unacceptable.

I understand wanting your child to be safe. I would too. She deserves to learn in a safe environment.

But if you are having wishes granted, couldn't you just wish the boy had the supported he needed so your child is safe that way.

What's wrong with any of that? Why shouldn't they think about temporary exclusion when he's injuring and assaulting other children? Leaving marks on my child, and not letting her have a safe learning environment?

autism is not a gate way card to do whatever you please to everybody else.

im damn sure if you were whacked round the head with a metal object, pinched on the face leaving a red mark, and kicked in the shin which left a big bruise whilst at work, you'd want that person removed.

In which case I would really recommend using this as a chance to learn about the rights of ND child at school and how the school need to manage it. If your daughter needs additional support you need to ready for the fight with the authorities, you may well be the one posting about discrimination in a few years if they fail to give the right provision.

That’s not how school allocations work. If the LA isn’t putting your child in a SEN school, they’re not putting your child in a SEN school.

A couple of times, I worked on a campus which was shared with a special school. (Yes, that was the terminology at the time.)

The staff ratio in the special schools was one adult for 6 children - and some children had one-to-one. Our LA has blatantly cut back on places in special schools and has pushed children into mainstream.

If a child is unable to control his/her violent behaviour within a mainstream setting with 'normal' staffing then mainstream is the wrong environment for the child. The problem is that school staff are not supposed to say this out loud.

My LA pushed the idea that children had to be kept in school because they had to be there in order to learn. Unfortunately, when one child is violent it obviously impedes the learning of others and the violent child clearly isn't learning either.

There are solutions, but they cost money. Bluntly, this is not the OP's problem.

All that the OP can do is to keep advocating for her daughter and to do so in writing so that there is a paper trail.

"Let's tell our daughters they should put up with being beaten up by boys because those boys are troubled and equality something something". Wtf is wrong with the world

My son is non verbal. He doesnt attack anyone

I’m the mum of a child who is violent when dysregulated. Despite this being apparent at pre school where he was suspended it still took 3 years, two part time failed mainstream school placements, 1:1 (sometimes 2:1) and thousands of pounds to get him into a specialist. My point is, getting this boy out of the school will not be quick or easy. The LA will make it as long and drawn out as possible forcing the boy, the school and the other children to suffer.

None of that is your problem, it’s the other families. Whilst my heart goes out to them and I can well imagine what she’s thinking, it’s still not your problem. You need to be as noisy (not literally) as possible with school. Document everything, follow up every conversation with an email to have it in writing and pester and complain to SLT and governors constantly. They need to keep all children safe at school and currently they’re keeping none safe. Your little girl is rightly your priority, so make as much noise as possible on her behalf. Good luck.

The school has a duty of care to protect all children - this includes your daughter.

In the meeting, I’d be telling them you are informing Ofsted because they are seriously in breach of this duty and negligent. If the school is an unsafe place to be, it will trigger a full inspection and jobs will go.

Take someone with you to the meeting and be resolute that the school has to protect your child from this boy and that even if he is autistic, it isn’t your child who should be kept inside or away from him. He needs to be kept away from her as she is the victim.

If there is mention of disability discrimination so let them know you will be contacting everyone you can think of about this matter as your child should not be going to school and coming home injured.

As a teacher, I say go in hard and do not let up.

Honestly, there are some adults on this forum I’d tell my ASC kid to whack with a water bottle.

Calling him an asshole who should be isolated from all other kids because he’s a nuisance. Wallop.

Iv seen so many reception kids put into mainstream because their parents have been on complete denial about sen the the school are left grappling to cope. Iv also seen parents told by lea to put them into mainstream to 'fail' then they can have special school place. Terrible system

Its a pants situation. You need to keep escalating how to keep your dd safe.
School safeguarding
Lea safeguarding

This is not about the little boy, its about keeping your dd safe. I say this as an sen parent

It’s the nursery at fault, not the other child or the mum who is probably well aware that her child has needs and struggling to get him appropriate support.

I can’t believe that anyone would vote that you’re being unreasonable.

As a parent, you need to be assured that your dd is safe at school. That’s your only concern.

Your poor dd, and poor you