Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

The most spot on thing I've read in a long time.

The child could be put on a reduced timetable to support a slower integration to primary school (schools can't enforce this but it does help some children). School could commission an autism advisor (some LAs and trusts have these) to come and observe and work on triggers. There might be an AP locally he can be dual registered with.

I don't know, it depends on the child's needs and the school and what is available locally. Sometimes a complaint can help the school focus on some practical measures. But all of this is not OP's concern, her concern is proper process and procedure.

I’m a Rec teacher and SEND mum.

My advice is to complain to SLT. Experience tells me that teaching staff are trying their best and have raised this with SLT who are ignoring them as it isn’t an immediate problem for them. Make it a problem for SLT - make a nuisance of yourself with complaints - and they will put something in place.

We had similar at my school last year. As teacher we were ignored until one the child’s teacher was off and the supply teacher was attacked. She called SLT immediately who came and were also attacked. The child had been attacking us and other children for months. As soon as SLT were attacked he was put on a reduced timetable.

The school has a duty of care to your daughter too. Pleasr advocate for her. We try hard as staff but honestly, SLT listen more to parents than us.

I really feel for you, OP. There was a similar boy in my child's year - he became violent when over stimulated or stressed, and the school struggled to cope with him. He actually hospitalised another child when he was in year 2 with a particularly brutal kick.

The problem was it took the local authority a couple of years to get him diagnosed and an EHCP in place. His mother started the process when he was in reception, but nothing was sorted until year 3. He ended up having 1-2-1 lessons in a separate room, with 2 or 3 calm classmates being rotated in so he wasn't isolated, whilst his mother kept pressuring the local authority to find him a proper place in a more suitable setting for his needs. That didn't happen until year 5.

My best mate had a similar issue with her adopted lad - his biological mother did a right number on him with her drug and alcohol use, and he ended up with a lot of special needs. His mom had to relentlessly fight for a diagnosis, and for him to go to a special school, because, in her own words, "having him in mainstream education isn't fair on the other kids, the teachers, or him". It took six years for a diagnosis, and another year or so before he got a placement.

Check out the school's safeguarding policy and procedures, because at the moment it seems like they're failing, and sometimes you need to stick a rocket up their arse - the squeaky wheel gets the grease, etc.

Absolutely no one has said violence is a price worth paying for equality.

absolutely no one.

This ^

Ive given a thumbs up as i agree, it is discrimination. But i absolutely guarantee its the direction we are heading. 1 child issues cannot come before the other 25. Its madness.

The schools cant afford the costs. The government cant afford the costs and the parents cant afford the costs. Therefore the solution in the present situation is for the child to be removed from education.

Yes it is discrimination - legally that is clear. Autism is a disability. The school have a legal obligation to make adjustments to ensure that it is managed. That is where you should focus. What risk assessments are in place and what actions are different to manage dis-regulation. They can't just kick out neuro-diverse children.

He does not have the right to assault other children. If he's not able to go through the school day without assaulting other children, he should not be in the school. He can be supported elsewhere

We removed our child from private schooling because our daughter experienced the same thing in reception. After three months of platitudes from the school and watching the completely ineffectual mother let him shout and hurt children in car park and at birthday parties, we’d had enough.

Our child now goes to a lovely village school near us, we picked a school that prioritised had a clear and effective behaviour policy.

Then the setting needs to meet his needs better!
What happens when the next setting can't meet his needs?
He's a 4 year old child!

He absolutely has a right to an education, despite his SEN, the answer is to meet his needs not throw out the child.

He’s an asshole

wtf???

Sat at home with his mum?

What about his dad?

Maybe both need to work, and rightly expect the school to meet his needs. And the needs of the other pupils for protection if he is violent.

Why are you blaming the mother?

and they will likely know that but unfortunately it is a slow process to get funding etc in place and then it takes even longer for a special school to actually be available.

As a parent of a significantly autistic child, this is one of the reasons I chose mainstream over special school. My child has a developmental delay and is largely non verbal, but never aggressive and very triggered by sudden / loud noise. For my child to safely attend school we had to ensure there was an EHCP in place which specifically required close adult supervision throughout the day (for self care needs and to stop them running off). Sounds like he may not have an appropriate plan in place. Through groups etc I’ve come across children like this (one tried to push my child from a high platform in a play area, another was uncontrollably hitting and kicking the other children on a bouncy castle despite his mum getting on there and trying to help him regulate his behaviour) it’s heartbreaking for the children and their parents as it’s not their fault, however this is no reason for your child to be unsafe at school. It’s 100 percent on the school to sort this out, the mum has no control of what he is doing at school. It’s unacceptable to just ‘try and keep them apart’. I really hope that you can find a solution as this is such a shame for your daughter to experience the start of school this way.

Don't talk to the other mum

It's good you're having a meeting with the school. Who will be attending? I'd request the safeguarding lead to be present. Take along some support for yourself, DH/a friend/ whoever you have so you don't feel intimidated. Write down what your main points are and get your support person to make notes of the school's responses. Ask them direct questions and require direct answers.
"How will you safeguard my daughter?"
"What measures will you put in place to prevent the boy from assaulting her?"

Don't get angry. Be quietly firm and controled

Call out any waffle as unacceptable "We'll try to keep them apart" doesn't mean anything. Trying to prevent assault is not good enough. They have a duty of care to ensure your child's safety. So will they have one to one supervision of the boy at all times inc playtime? What is their solution?

The boy's medical history, diagnosis or home background is not in any way relevant to you or your daughter. Don't let any of it be an excuse for her being assaulted or allow them to use it to tug on your heart strings.

Tell them you want to leave the meeting with a list of measureable actions they will put into place and a timescale for them to be implimented.

If you're not happy with the outcome, escalate to the head, governors, LEA, your MP. Make formal complaints if you need to

i know they can't just kick out an ND child, but I sure as hell wish they'd kick him out.

all I care about is my daughters safety and right to a safe learning environment.

My son had similar. The other boy even pushed him to the ground and stood on his neck. The teachers never informed me and were very blasé about it when I had a meeting with the head teacher. I confronted the boys dad and at first he just laughed it off. It's fucking infuriating and my heart goes out to you and your little girl. At what point are the rest to be considered aswell as the other child?
I'm all for inclusion but when it's violence, a line has to be drawn somewhere but it seems to always just be swept under the rug. I'm sad for the decent parents who have an 'unruly' child and are doing their best while understanding it's not fair on the others but there's clearly ones who don't care less and use it as an excuse to allow them do anything.

Again blatant disability discrimination.

He does not have the right to assault other children. If he's not able to go through the school day without assaulting other children, he should not be in the school.

He's FOUR and he has a developmental disorder. What is wrong with you ?

Not that simple. My next door neighbours boy is non verbal ASD. He can be a bit handsy at times, fortunately not often. He is not potty trained and is developmentally a toddler to all intents and purposes. He’s just started Reception as well. Luckily she was clued up and recognised that he was ‘different’ very early.

I have watched my friend cry in frustration trying to get him into an appropriate setting. It’s a battle to say the least. Months and months to get a full ASD diagnosis. Months for an EHCP to be drawn up. Months for the funding for his 1 to1 to be put in place. Months in a mainstream school totally unsuitable for his needs to prove they can’t meet his needs?!? Having to go to a tribunal to make a place available in an already overfilled SEND setting.

They won’t exclude him, and nor should they. Hopefully they’re starting processes to find him the right setting.

Lets hope your daughter does have neuro diversity. It is always evident until later in primary school.

Ynbu I am a SEN mum my son goes to an SEN school. He has autism and his crying used to trigger another child with ASD(he'd screw, my son would cry) he would bite and pinch my son. Everyday my son would come out with marks. We were on a school outing and it happened infront of his mum who tried to turn a blind eye. She then tried to use autism as an excuse after I pulled her. After this I spoke to the school who moved him to a different class. Sounds like the child need 1-1 supervison. Autism is not an excuse for bad behaviour or bullying.

Well your feelings are understandable but not reasonable.

Talk to the school about how they will keep your child safe. What happens to the boy is none of your business.