Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

I'd quite like my daughter to avoid a disabled kid who is assaulting her.

Report to the school and be very factual. Try and keep it to your daughter view point. Don't tell the school what to do about the boy. Don't tell the boy to exclude or punish the boy. Don't talk to the mum. Explain what you will do if the school fail to meet your demands.

• Your child needs to be kept safe at school - you expect there to be no more physical contact between this child and your child before Christmas
• If there is you will report the school's failure to ensure your child's safety to the LA and the Governors as a serious breech of safety that the school should not allow and expect them to face serious consequences.

The point is that anything which you say involving what should be expected of the boy or how he should be punished, involves you making presumptions about the boy's needs, awareness and ability to control his emotions. Anything you say which fails to actually take his full needs into account, could be construed as you being anti a disabled pupil existing which would not help your cause.

Also the school are not simply allowed to fail to give disabled children full access to the school or curriculum. They will probably be under pressure from the LA to meet his needs and won't simply be able to throw him back. They will have to show that they are unable to meet his needs or can't meet his needs with the funding they have been allocated, so that more support or a different placement is arranged. You telling them to do something they are not allowed to do won't help anyone.

It isn't that simple.

A suitable school will only come with an EHCP in place and for some special schools, a formal diagnosis. Both an EHCP and a formal diagnosis takes time and then there's the chance the LA decides there's no evidence the child can't cope with mainstream because they actually haven't tried it which may even be the case here.

and that's without starting on how full special schools tend to be and how long it can take to get a space in one.

My DD went to a small village primary and I refused to send her in until the child that kept attacking her was given more support. A letter to the Head, Board of Governors, Ofsted and the local Education department soon did the trick as her absence rate totted up.

Assault is just a nuisance now we should all tolerate because equality or something. Ffs. The bar is in hell

No - sorry. The school is not allowed to discuss making adjustments for another child when communicating with the OP. The OP can only advocate for her own child.

Yes, the school should make adjustments for the boy - but they cannot discuss this with the parents of others.

You don't understand autism obviously.

What's wrong with any of that?

what's wrong is that poster was telling you that you should presume to tell the school how they should deal with this other four year old child and even pretend you are doing so under the guise of assuming what is best for him. You nor that pp have .any idea what is in the best interests of that child and you've made it clear that you have no interest or care whatsoever. Fair enough, then what happens to him is none of your business. Your business is keeping your daughter safe.

Why shouldn't they think about temporary exclusion when he's injuring and assaulting other children? Leaving marks on my child, and not letting her have a safe learning environment?

This has been explained to you repeatedly.

People on this
autism is not a gate way card to do whatever you please to everybody else.

Disgraceful ableism and you don't just get to cry "I'm neurodivergent and my dd is on the "pathway"" (whatever that means) as an excuse/ cover for being ableist.

In your shoes, I'd be really angry with the school for failing to safeguard my child and would continue to make as much fuss as I needed in order for them to keep her safe.

I wouldn't be angry with a 4 year old who has additional needs though.

Hi OP, I have been in this situation, last year. Unacceptable levels of violence towards DS in school nursery so they were put in different classes for reception. Predictably other children are receiving the abuse now.
Mainstream schools simply can’t cater for some autistic children’s needs, many children should be in special schools but they aren’t. The drive for inclusivity has made life much harder for teachers and an unsafe and often unhappy environment for all children.
I feel for you because I didn’t want to upset the child’s mother or create awkwardness but as a parent it is completely normal to want your child to be safe and happy at school.

Yes. Another reason why care in the community has been a disaster . Closing the residential schools and institutions has been a disaster for children with additional needs. They could have improved them made them better instead of shutting them all. There need to be more funding into special education, more Steiner schools (there's a great one not far from me).

If the 4 year old doesn’t have an EHCP, who is funding a 1:1 TA for him? Because what we are now talling about taking resources away from the other 29 to fund a TA for the 1 child. This is so wrong.

I can’t see any other part of life where this would happen.

ND is not a get out of jail free card.

And yes, mum does have a role to play. If her child is assaulting other children before school whilst in her care and she turns a blind eye, she is contributing to the problem. I have 2 Audhd children. One isn’t aggressive, the other can be, he still has appropriate sanctions but also his behaviour is monitored before it gets to this point. I know his triggers, as do his other caregivers. My DS is 5 and he wouldn’t be in the position to throw sticks more than once at a child - something would have been done. If mum doesn’t start doing something now, she’s going to have huge problems once he’s a teen and is able to overpower her.

That would be years then.

Headteacher here, make a face to face appointment with the HT and share your concerns. Ask them if they have a safeguarding plan in place to keep your child safe.

Reception can be really tough because children with serious needs can sometimes arrive on day 1 and schools often know very little about them and their needs. Sometimes they've never been in a setting before and have no idea how to behave socially. Schools have to self fund 1:1 TAs is this situation until the EHCP comes through. It's financially very tough, especially in a small school as it can mean you suddenly have to find £30K in the budget. That's £30K taken away from all the other stuff for children across the school that now has to fund a TA for one child until space in a base becomes available. In my area it's about 2 years wait for specialist provision and those who shout loudest and advocate noisily for their child get first dibs. The system is broken but it shouldn't be your child who suffers.

Equality or something 😂. Just equality, tbh.

Not tolerate. Deal with. The school need to deal with it.

But calling someone else’s child an asshole, as someone on this thread has, is absolutely bizarre behaviour.

I’ve had 2 of my children in private school & it does nothing to stop bullying. Had a year 6 boy hit both my year 2 & reception daughters in the same week & the school just “had a word” with him 🙄, he was known for being a nasty bully. I know plenty of parents that had moved their kids from different private schools due to bullying. Paying for education doesn’t mean getting a better education or safer environment

Permanently excluding a student is very hard to do, and especially where there are send. Even if the school does exclude, parents can appeal and over 50% are reinstated. It’s not fair on anyone to had students with unmet needs in mainstream schools. You need to focus (using their policies) on what they will do to safeguard your child. It’s so hard.

???? Do you know how difficult it is to get a child with known and documented disabilities the school provision they need? They have to fail repeatedly at mainstream. Even though everyone knows they will fail.

That's the system. And it is devastating for parents to see their children set up to fail. Most go above and beyond to advocate for their child, often at the expense of their own mental health.

The system places children in mainstream, without the support their parents know they need and desperately request. But that support is denied because of budget constraints

No one chooses to have a child with special needs.

Totally agree OP.
His disability is irrelevant. The other children have a right to be safe in school.

I’ve also got a job. I wouldn't be quitting it to stay at home with a child who should be in school.

Kids rarely get excluded (rightly or wrongly) It may get to that stage but if it does it will take years.

Focus on what are they doing to keep your dd safe. Do not talk about the parenting skills of his mother, or his SEN. Only on your dd's mental health, her right to feel safe and how they will ensure she is safe and feels safe at school. They cant tell you much about him (and nor should they) and anything you say about his behaviours will distract from your dd who you want to be the focus of the conversation.

His disability is not irrelevant.

The ableism on this thread is absolutely extraordinary

School Designated Safeguarding Lead here.

You have every right to be upset. In your shoes, I would be too.

In my school there is a high level of support for children with SEND, but we do not tolerate violence. We don't have many violent incidents, largely because children with SEND have the support and reasonable adjustments they need to cope with the sensory environment and social demands of school. But we are very clear that all children have a right to feel safe in school and violence is never acceptable.

If a Reception child with SEND was repeatedly hurting other children on the playground we would either arrange for a member of staff to supervise him 1:1 at break times OR he would be inside at breaktimes doing activities with a small group of children who also struggle to play safely on the playground so need opportunities to play and socialise in a calmer, low stimulus environment. For some children, the unstructured nature of break times and the noise levels/busyness of the playground can be too much, and this leads to incidents. We would not simply allow him to go on hurting other children.

We would be using tools like social stories and comic strip conversations to support him to understand the impact of his behaviour on others. If the child does not have an EHCP we would be thinking about whether we need to start that process, possibly getting an EP or ND specialist teacher to come in and do some observations and make recommendations.
If incidents were happening in the classroom the SENCO and I would also meet with the class teacher and look at what needed to be in place. For example, does he need extra movement breaks and access to sensory equipment to help calm and regulate him? Does there need to be a TA in there with him at all times, even if this means re-deploying someone from another year group? Not easy as there is a significant level of need in every class but if it was the only way to keep other children safe we would have to make it work. Ultimately, if none of the above was successful we would have to consider whether our school was the right environment for this child and have that conversation with the LA, but the threshold for specialist provision is so high and places are scarce.

These things all happen behind the scenes, and you won't necessarily know what they are doing to try to manage this child's behaviour as they can't discuss another child's provision with you. But in addition to the support outlined above we would definitely be ensuring that each time this child behaved in a way that was dangerous or disrupting the learning of others, there would be a consequence appropriate to his age and level of understanding. We would make sure you were aware of that and that we were taking it seriously.

Ask for a meeting with the school. It is not acceptable for your DD to keep being hurt.

This child, for I'm sure very complex reasons, can't attend school with other children without assaulting people. And everyone else is supposed to suffer as a result. F that. Some are more equal than others, clearly

OP, don’t let anyone on here let you think you’re BU. You’re not. It’s not your concern what is or isn’t this boy’s issue. Not your concern if he’s from the worst home in the world or has 10 diagnoses.

You go in hard, and don’t stop until a resolution is reached.