Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

Make sure everything is followed up in emails and make sure you get used to the complains policy within the school to escalate the issue.

Yes the boys being let down but frankly that’s on his parents to care about.

The children being attacked deserve to go to school and be in a safe environment rather than spending all day on edge waiting for the next attack.

If children were living at home under fear of attack constantly and actually being attacked, social services would be involved but because it’s a school it’s supposed to be somewhat accepted and tolerated. Load of crap.

This is where yet again inclusion doesn’t work and fails the other 29 pupils for a box ticking exercise.

@onetwothreeweeeeeeeee god, I’m tired on your behalf. Lord help teachers nowadays.

The drop off is related as he is assaulting other children and throwing sticks at them

If he is this badly behaved this early on, it's a real red flag. I am a teacher and (even a reception child) who had done all the things you listed should and would be disciplined by the school. In my school, he'd lose break, parents would be brought in and then, if it continues, suspended. It sounds as though there is also a lack of parenting from what you say. Hope you're dd is okay and not put off school.

I don't see this as inclusion Vs safety. Kids have a right to an education. They also have a right to be safe in school. Both inclusion and safety are lacking.

It's no good for him either if he ends up with no friends and constantly punished due to improper supervision. Or if he does something very serious that could have been avoided. Or if kids take the "hit him back" stance.

He needs proper supervision and support to be properly included in a way that is safe, AND to keep children around him safe.

It might be that the parent is doing everything they can, but their child is behaving this way.

Why wouldn't a parent of a child with SEN work, @crochetandtea? Just curious.

OP you need to follow the school's policies and see if they are putting them into practice. If they don't do that make a stage 1 complaint. If they don't respond effectively it's a stage 2 complaint to governors. As a governor I will look at whether school has met their legal and policy obligations. You can't demand anything happens to the other child, it's not a free for all. I would also recommend staying professional and calm in your dealings with the school.

This child could have been perfectly regulated until starting reception which can be a huge flashpoint. The school can't magic up a special placement but there are other options in the interim.

I can't even imagine how difficult this was for you, and just how patient you had to be.

I just wanted to say thank you for trying your hardest to keep our children safe. ❤️

your post is incredibly eye opening

It’s not happening on mum’s time though. It’s happening during the school day and the staff are the ones that need to answer for this in some way.

OP, don’t bother trying to talk to the mum about this. I’m the mum of a child with SEN who was disruptive in mainstream (he didnt lash out violently) and I would have been at a loss as to how to handle what was happening inside school.

OP, that sounds really hard.

When DS started reception I had no idea he was neurodiverse but we all realised pretty quickly! Nursery was fine but the transition to school was too overwhelming for him. He was that child who hurt others and trashed classrooms 😔

What was done to manage it? 1:1 support put in place full time to keep him and others safe. Breakout spaces if he needed to regulate. I signed consent that if things got dangerous he could be restrained to keep others safe.

When other children were hurt then he was suspended as safeguarding was deemed more crucial than keeping him in school. It was upsetting and really hard to manage but that’s what happened. He had many suspensions and was on the verge on being excluded.

Thankfully, just before exclusion he was FINALLY diagnosed with Autism and ADHD and was given medication for the adhd. Overnight he was like a different child!! We’ve not had an incident since and that was a year ago.

The school but so much support in place, for a full year before he got his EHCP in place and they were very committed to safeguarding other children.

So from my perspective, school CAN do more to protect your child. And yes they can suspend and even exclude if things are serious enough, despite SEN.

I’m an experienced teacher.

Unfortunately there is no way a 4 year old with SEN will ever be excluded. There is a severe shortage of SEN school placements nationwide. SEN schools have a very high threshold of need for acceptance currently - if this child is verbal and able to communicate his needs he is unlikely to be given a place. Even if he was awarded a place, in my local area the waiting list is 2 years+. The school is likely very frustrated about this too.

Your focus should be on what the school can do to safeguard DD. They rightly will not be able to discuss the other child with you, and you should not make demands for his consequences. Ask for a meeting with DD’s class teacher and the head. Look at the safeguarding policy and ask specifically what they are putting in place to keep her safe in school. Take notes and email them to everyone involved after the meeting. Arrange a follow up e.g. in 2 weeks to ensure these have been implemented successfully. If this is not successful unfortunately your only option may be to move schools.

Why shouldn't he be excluded? He's taking away other children's rights to a safe learning environment. If he's the common denominator in this, surely he should be removed?

Because all children have the right to an education, even if they have SEN. Exclusion is not the first answer- there may not be another appropriate setting near by. The school needs to manage this better not throw out the child.

I understand you are upset but you are being unreasonable.

What are the other options available in the interim ?

I don't think you can really parent blame here.

This is clearly not the right setting for this child.

Having been going through the ridiculously hard process of EHCPs and securing specialist provision myself for my child, often sending them to mainstream is the only way to get evidence that mainstream isn't suitable.

This behaviour is happening in school because there are not enough resources to accomodate, regulate or redirect this child.

The OPs focus needs to be on what the school are doing to protect her child.

This the sort of poster who if the child had a physical disability would blame the parent for not regrowing the child's leg.

Sorry i cant agree with this. Regardless of the boys ability to control his actions, he should not be putting 25 other children at risk. If the school isnt able to 100% guarentee this, he should be sat at home with his mum until a solution can be found.

1 child, regardless of their issues should not be allowed to effect the safety and education of the rest of the class.

This is going to be a subject that raises its head more and more as schools cannot afford proper, safe environments for children without special needs.

And that is disability discrimination right there.

The autistic child has a right to an education too

Yes, but not at the expense of mine and other parents children's safety. 3 attacks and injuries in 4 weeks on just one child? Not counting the countless times he's launched sticks at other kids?

yes he has a right to an education. But this setting clearly isn't the right place for him.

This child clearly shouldn't be allowed near other children if he is affected enough by SEN as to be routinely assaulting other children. This kid isn't your problem and would go nuclear if it was my girl personally. I'd start with a meeting with the head teacher, and take notes.

Is it discrimination, to remove a child that is attacking, assaulting and injuring other children?

if he assaulted sally on the checkouts in Tesco as an adult he'd be arrested - is that disability discrimination?

Why is it? You believe if violence is a price to pay for ‘equality’ then it must be paid?

Thank you, that's what I'm doing

Well said

Yes. Sometimes discrimination is absolutely appropriate for the safety of everyone else. This is why we have sex segregation in some situations, for example... This kid should not be in this school