Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

It wasnt the first thing that had happened. There had been so many black eyes, scratched faces/arms. One child had a tooth broken by the boy when a chair was thrown, people were getting a bit desperate. There was still no 121 provision or anything meaningful which made a difference and staff kept going down the lines of we discuss another child's care or planning with you. It was clear that they weren't able to manage his care needs or keep the other children from injuries - but they just kept minimising the injuries/damage to other children.

Not true.

I know someone who has just started his autistic son at a private school as his son has been expelled from primary for attacking other kids and teachers.

You couldn't care less about their child, why should they give a damn about yours in that case?

They will continue to send their child to school because that will be the only way for the child to get the support and education they are legally entitled to and I also imagine because they need to work and pay their bills like most people.

"I have no idea how parents, knowing their child has severely injured another child willingly sends them into school every day to do the same."

Perhaps they could be offered a teachers salary if it means they could teach their child at home?

Because mine is getting battered. Mine ended up in the hospital with a broken nose. Is their child going home injured? If a NT child was battering their child, would they have something to say?

Telling children to stab another child in the eye is despicable.

My child was horrendously bullied but never once would I have told him to do something like that. It’s just shocking how some parents with a witch hunt mentality behave. They would be dealt with severely by any school.

I had a similar situation when my DD was in Y1. For whatever reason a boy with a disability (not autism - being vague but behaviour was similar) started targeting DD. They had actually known each other since they were very small as they went to nursery together. There was always a bit narrative of “oh we must include Jack (name changes) he doesn’t know what he’s doing he doesn’t mean it”. I said to the school simply that it isn’t about not including Jack, I don’t want DD to learn that destructive behaviour directed towards her is ok in any circumstances, I was well aware he didn’t mean it but they need to make sure she is safe. Luckily he had a 1-1 and the problem was sorted quickly as the 1-1 then made sure they stayed apart, but I don’t think it should have taken my intervention to make sure they gave the needs of each child equal priority.

I'd be all for that as long as they kept their violent child at home, with them, away from other children because their child is dangerous (through no fault of their own).

When my daughter got her head smashed into a wall and her nose broken, the boys mother came down to the school ranting and raving about a right to an education. Sorry Love, my daughter has a right to safety. I was absolutely thrilled when that child was excluded and so was every other parent. Her child's education does not trump another child's physical safety.

If an adult with SEN attacked someone in the workplace, would people be told to put up and shut up, everybody has a right to a job. I don't think so. Kids should be no different.

Of course they would, any parent would because they are going to put their child first.

That also includes someone who has a SEND child who is violent, likely because they don't have any support in place yet. They aren't going to shrug and decide their child isn't worthy of an education and take them out to benefit other children at the expense of their own child, they are going to put their child first and fight for them which means keeping them at school. As any parent would in that situation.

They actually said face not eye but agree the risk was there. It's not like they could train them to target an eye! It was asking the lines of next comes to hurt you just swing out at him with whatever you're holding - if you can get him then he'll leave you alone next time. The fact anyone was having to having any kind of conversation with their toddler "it's ok to hit back" it was so out of control.

The idea was to force a change to occur everything was just getting minimised - scratch/bruise will heal, it's only a baby tooth... It needed to be progressed to the point the daily violent attacks were going to result in a life changing injury to someone. To force the nursery team to act as they just weren't. It was an awful desperate time and so glad it's no longer a concern.

Exactly this. All children deserve an education and children with SEND not getting the provision they deserve, need and are entitled to is not the fault of the child or the parent who is probably already exhausted from handling said SEND and continuous battling for what they need and aren’t getting.

This in bucket loads! This is the result of underfunding and cuts to special needs provisions that lots of you voted for.
Boo boo your child’s getting hurt. Well I’m sorry but this is the result of decades of a conservative government that didn’t give a flying f* about the education of your children or keeping them safe in school.
This isn’t on the school - they dont have the resources because they don’t have the funding.
This isn’t on individual parents - it’s not their fault their kids have SEN.
This is on the government and policy makers. Yes it needs to change. And damn right children should be safe in school and get a decent education. But in order for that to happen SEN provision and funding needs to be massively increased.

It’s also not fair that other children are having to be kept off school because the school can’t keep them safe from a violent child.

It should be the violent child kept off until the school makes a proper plan. The child not causing the problem also has a right to an education.

You said

” Another parent told their child to use pencil etc to stab at the face of the boy “

That is appalling and wrong. It’s encouraging violence and anarchy. Good luck with the teenager years encouraging that kind of mentality!

Well hopefully, in that case, more situations like mine will happen and the child is removed before a child is actually killed.

Parents will fight for their children not to be battered, they will fight for their kids to have an education and not be evacuated because a classroom is being trashed, they will fight for their own children's mental health because they are terrified to go to school.

38 other parents will fight. Violent children, SEN or no SERN who actively seriously hurt other pupils should not be in a mainstream setting. It's barbaric to expect children to accept being hurt and terrorised.

And here before anyone tries to even suggest SEN is ‘underfunded’

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/czjv2rk9yjvo.amp

Booboo to a broken nose? Would you say that if it was your child?

Aren’t you lovely. Ever think what it’s like to have a child with SEN uncatered for?

The government is already spending £12bn this year on supporting those with Send, a figure that has risen by 66% in the last decade.
Under current projections, there will also be an extra 220,000 children and young people with education, health and care plans (EHCPs) by 2029, the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS) says.
A spokesperson for the Department for Education (DfE) says the IFS report is "further evidence of the broken Send system this government inherited".
A rise in the number children receiving Send support in schools has driven what the IFS calls a "dramatic and ongoing" increase in spending.
"The truly shocking thing is that despite this increase in spending, we are still left with a system that is failing to cope with the needs of these children and young people," Pepe Di'Iasio, general secretary of the Association of School and College Leaders, said.
One in five pupils (1.7 million) in England get some kind of support for special educational needs in school at the moment.
And 482,000 of them (or 5.3% of all pupils) get the higher level of support from individual EHCPs, a legal document setting out a child's tailored support needs, which councils have to provide and pay for.
The rising costs of Send support have forced local authorities into hundreds of millions of pounds of debt.

Ever think what it’s like to have your kid battered on a daily basis while posters make nasty little comments like that?

I don’t even care anymore how my comments look. Taunting a parent whose small daughter is being battered on a daily basis at school is lower than a snake’s belly, frankly

Aren't you lovely. Ever think of what it is like to sit in A&E with a terrified 6 year old because a child in their class smashed their face into the wall for nothing.

Not sure what your point- you’ve just quoted that the needs of children with SEND aren’t being met.

That’s not the fault of the parents or the children .

"We’re spending more on SEN than ever before to the extent 30% of our council tax goes on taxis and SEN alone, and it still ‘isn’t enough’ apparently."

The council I just looked up said 13% for all children's services which includes social care.