Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

Sorry you don’t get to dictate who can and can’t post on threads. I do hope you do into the meeting with a more mature attitude.

And I hope you don't go through life victim blaming women and girls who have been victims of violence and abuse.

id rather be a little immature than be an enabler ✌🏼

🙄
I hope both children get a good outcome from the meeting.

Unless this child has assaulted your child at drop off then, yes, it is unrelated.
Please be careful when you meet with the school not to try to bring unrelated matters like this into the agenda, because the direction will change to the school explaining how its not your concern about poor staff listening to an intercom, and derail the discussion of their plan to keep your daughter safe. You will then end up leaving the meeting frustrated that you haven't got what you need from it.
I would focus on

1. Checking that the assaults on your daughter are recorded correctly and board is aware
2. Their plan for keeping your daughter safe at different times. In class, pick up, playtime, walking in corridor, snack time etc. Did all the assaults happen at playtime? If so this might be a focus. "Try to keep apart" isn't a plan. Look up risk management statements and this could be a framework. So for example... Risk = DD is on climbing frame and XChild approaches apparatus to play. Action = ???? Risk = DD is getting her lunch in lunchroom. XChild is also getting lunch. Action = ???

Why do you think we want your "alternative" view?

We all know children with SEN get bullied. No -one in their right mind is ever going to say that is acceptable. It is disgusting and procedures should be firmly in place to stop it happening.
As there should be if the reverse happens as in this case.

You have added nothing to this thread because you are talking about apples and OP is talking about oranges.

"My child hates oranges and is forced to eat them at school"
"Well my child loves them so you are being nasty saying apples are awful"
That seems to be your logic, but it makes no sense.

But you don’t know that so you can’t say that! Were you never taught that if you’ve nothing helpful to say then don’t say anything at all?!

You were intentionally trying to upset the OP by making out this kid will never be removed because of his SEN and that is untrue, violent kids can be removed even if they have special needs. Having autism doesn’t mean you can freely attack little girls without consequence.

I wonder if this is happening to other children in the class? Are you friends with other parents? Do you have play dates? There may be another parent feeling exactly the same, this unfortunately would strengthen your case.
Try to be a little more factual and less emotional. Calling your child a poor innocent child won't help them take the issue seriously. Unfortunately the staff must see a lot of parents who complain. The complaint must be built on facts. Out of interest does the incidences happen in the same places? What are the consequences for the lad? Because what ever it is, he isn't learning. Are his parents aware?

No I was not and I’m not the only one to have pointed out that permanent exclusion is really not likely to happen on the basis of what we have been told has happened so far.

Start putting everything in writing. NOW. Even if the school don’t want to do that and eg just suggest meetings, take notes, follow up those meetings with minutes and send them, asking them if there is anything you disagree with. Copy in the safeguarding lead from the governing body of the school.
ask what is being put in place to keep your daughter safe. Point out - in writing - that the school are failing to safeguard your child. Ask them what their elscalation process is should you not be happy with the answer. Focus on her - not the other child as they won’t be able to tell you what’s happening with them. Document everything, even the small things.

Honestly I wouldn’t even engage with baity posters.

OP - hope your meeting goes well. Whatever they say, just keep asking what they will do to keep YOUR child safe.

It’s quite simple. There’s an autistic child who cannot manage his play times. He needs to have play in a different way maybe other activities in the classroom maybe a separate area from other children, maybe come out early for a vigourous runaround with a one-to-one and go back in five minutes earlyDoes he have a one for one? Sounds like he should have, perhaps that one-to-one time could be used at playtime that’s the time autistic children can feel most disregulated.

I speak to a couple other mums as they were at DDs nursery but as I'm on a tight schedule I have to drop and run in the mornings. Hopefully I'll get to know more over time.
I will be factual in the meeting of course. I was and still am just full of anger and upset that my daughter is being subject to this. The innocent comments are to the poster below who has been victims blaming my daughter through out the whole thread. But I am genuinely a very composed person and I wont let emotions get the better of me in the meeting.

one incident was on the climbing frame outside, one was in the cloakroom at end of school getting coats (the water bottle incident) and the others have been in the class room.

im unsure of the consequences of the lad as the school are understandably keeping tight lipped on confidential information. I just know they are attempting to keep him away from her, that all incidents are unprovoked. The autism diagnosis is is came from the mum at the school gates.

just a horrible situation to be in. We send your children to school trusting these staff with everything we have to keep them safe. It's a good school with good ofsted reports. I'm hoping that because the school year has just started that they're putting more in place to keep her safe. I'll find out on Monday and ask all the right questions. Thanks for responding :)

You said ‘he won’t be’.
That is untrue, he can be, others have been.
Stop spreading misinformation, victim blaming and trying to upset the OP.
It’s not a good look hun.

I just want to say thank you for having my back on here - it's really appreciated ❤️

It’s highly unlikely and to infer otherwise is spreading misinformation.

Highly unlikely is different to 'he wont be'

HTH

Before he is excluded (and yes, children can be excluded even with autism, I’ve worked in autistic units) the school will have to show it. It’s tried a series of interventions which will involve having a full-time one-to-one. Maybe the school behaviour policy or SEN policy will give you some general information about that. Good luck at the meeting.

Ah you’re welcome! I hate when posters tell lies to try and cause an OP further upset! So bloody pathetic!

Hope you get this sorted quickly for your little girl, you’ve got this ❤️

It’s highly likely you were spreading misinformation and have been called out on it. I think you’re done here now.

Excluding a child with an England and Wales (EHCP) is difficult and a school must exhaust all other strategies before considering it. Under no circumstances is a school permitted to exclude a child due to their special educational needs (SEN) or an EHCP; this would be unlawful disability discrimination.

You are right. It’s very unlikely specifically because of his diagnosis. Because it could be claimed the behaviour is a result of his needs, it’s an absolute minefield trying to evidence that the reason for exclusion isn’t his needs.

Before the school would be able to PEX they’d have to be able to evidence that all other avenues have been followed, he’s had the support required to engage/settle, and the behaviour has continued.

At the moment that’s not able to happen, because it doesn’t sound like anything has happened that would meet that requirement. No designated member of staff, no removal from the environment at transition times (one incident was in a cloakroom, he wouldn’t be in there with the other kids if they were managing his transitions), likely no breakout space available.

It may happen, but it won’t be in the immediate future because of how the legislation works. Certainly not a permanent exclusion. The hoops haven’t been jumped through.

It’s likely not a short term solution. The school will have to put more measures in place for OPs daughter (and the other children), and for this child to be more effectively managed. Which will take time and resources they probably don’t have.

Oh dear should I feel bad that my autistic (sometimes violent) son has a funded 1-to-1 since year 2 and is diverting funding away from all the other children?

Has this boy even had a genuine diagnosis of autism or has his mum decided herself that he’s autistic without a diagnosis and is using it to make excuses for his behaviour? It doesn’t sound like meltdowns due to being overwhelmed (which I have experienced with my DD1) but plain targeted bullying?

Obviously we can’t know either way. I’m sorry your DD is suffering because of him, OP, and I hope you get a robust response from the HT.

Thank you.

im unsure if he has an official diagnosis. Some posters have mentioned that age 4 is early for a diagnosis. It's just from that the mum has said at the gates.
I don't know much about autism and I wont pretend to either but I do think it's targeted and the verbal abuse she's getting is just plain bullying.

mocking her by calling her names and shouting that she wears a nappy doesn't seem to fit with being overstimulated but that's again I don't know much about it.

DD is a confident and happy little girl, but within small and intimate settings. She is a rule follower and the insults have really got to her. She's been saying to me 'mummy, I'm not a baby? I don't wear nappies?' And I think the words have got to her more than the attacks really. She didn't want to go to school towards the end of the week. It broke my heart. She seems more confused, than angry and I don't think she'd retaliate.

my brothers going to do some marshal arts lessons with her which I think I will be a good thing. I just can't see her pelting him back. I don't know if that's the best thing to do anyway as I've said upthread she's tiny compared to him.

she just seems confused and sad, rather than angry and wanting to retaliate

As I said I can post on whatever thread I like and will be doing so.

I used to say ‘Well is that true? and they would say No! So i would say ‘wells he’s a liar then’ ignore him.