Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

You need to keep talking to the school. He is probably in the process of getting an EHCP so he can move to somewhere with better SEN support for his needs.

I’ve worked with aggressive autistic children at our nursery and it can be incredibly hard work to meet their needs while keeping other children safe. Even when they have one to one care incidents can happen in a moment.

I hope they manage to sort something so your DD and the other children are able to have a safe learning environment. It is very upsetting when your child gets hurt.

Why do people keep claiming it’s impossible to exclude a 5 year old? I’m not saying it’s a good thing but it does happen. There’s a child in DD’s school who joined in year 1 having already been expelled from another school. He’s brought utter chaos and destruction with him.

I hope this boy is excluded. It's good to see it's possible if someone brings chaos and violence

as well as the physical attacks he is also verbally bullying my DD, she has been told she's a baby, that she wears a nappy (she doesn't) and has just been generally taunted.

This sounds more like he is bullying her, rather than the behaviour stemming from autistic dysregulation. Are the school just playing down plain old bad behaviour because he’s autistic? It’s perfectly possible for autistic children to also be badly behaved.

He won’t be.

It’s one child that has an issue with him. Staff will simply need to ensure his needs are met and he is kept away from your daughter and your daughter is kept away from him.

I hadn't thought of that, but perhaps it's a possibility for sure. 4-5 seems so young to be bullying someone doesn't it :(

What is to say you don't move schools and have another SEN child there? It is pretty common in most schools.

I don’t know what he was like at his old school but he’s brought chaos and destruction to ours and I expect it’ll stay like that for the foreseeable.

I really feel for you and hope your meeting goes well. Your daughter is lucky to have you.

Not a chance.

He should be. Why should that poor little girls school experience be ruined by a child who shouldn’t even be in that school.

Great victim blaming there by the way ‘one child that has an issue with him’ there would be no ‘issue’ if he didn’t keep assaulting her 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

How do you know it's one child that has an issue with him? I see you're back again downplaying what he's doing

I've said, multiple times, he's launched sticks and branches at other people. A few posters have said someone like him has been expelled.

I really don't want to respond to you anymore because you said some horrible things upthread.

starting to think you're the boys mother. Would make sense.

and PLEASE stop victim blaming my innocent 4 year old little girl. She does not have an issue with HIM

HE evidently has issues and is bullying and assaulting her.

go away, multiple posters have called you out on here. Leave me alone

I don't know, I'll cross that bridge as it comes

My friends son was excluded at 5 for violent behaviour. It happens.

Also it's not about her not being around SEN kids. It's her not being assaulted and attacked daily by a child with SEN, which may or may not be responsible for why he's doing it. He's verbally assaulting her too calling her a baby and telling her she wears nappies, shaming her in front of her peers.

seems pretty calculated and I'd like to think not many reception kids are capable of such vile disgusting behaviour. So if I move her, it'll be in good faith that it won't happen, to that extent, again

I am simply posting on a thread in AIBU as I’m entitled to. You don’t get to micro manage and dictate threads you start on a forum.

Nobody has been horrible to you.

I am simply adding info and you absolutely do not know if others have an issue with him to the extent you have. Your focus is on your child and attempting to speak for other parents and whip up a witch hunt and expulsion of a child with SEN really isn’t going to get you anywhere. Both children clearly need to be kept away from each other and SEN provision for the child may well need to be looked at too. Said child is entitled to an education too.

We have one side of the story.

You're not adding info. I and multiple other posters have called you out for misinformation, victim blaming, downplaying and being pretty horrid. Also insinuating that she is part of the problem.

I won't stand for anyone victim playing my 4 year old daughter who is completely innocent in this, regardless who you are and what you're entitled to do.

bot a single person on a thread with 850 posts has agreed with you.

pretty telling, really

What has that got to do with it? Of course other schools will have children with SEN 🙄

OP has clearly and patiently explained time and again it isn't the SEN that is the problem.

It is the little shit bullying her daughter and their being no accountability from the school to stop it.

One thing I'd say is that things like autism tend to run in families, as you probably know. So there may me more going on for mum than meets the eye.

I think that trying to discuss the boy's needs/diagnosis/school placement will be a dead end, and probably won't help your daughter. I don't think there's much point going down that line of conversation.

I think the best thing to do is to be really clear, in writing and in person, that the school are failing in their duty to keep your daughter safe in school. They need to provide a written plan about how they will be doing this. Especially due to the seizure risk. If you have any letters from GP highlighting seizures linked to stress, take those too.

I think focusing on the boy will just distract from the centrally important issue, which is that your daughter must be kept safe in their care.

Your information is not correct though and you are saying these things to try upset the OP, you’re coming across as a nasty person. Multiple posters have said they have known violent children as young as reception be removed from mainstream, myself included. You are saying that won’t happen, it can happen, you are wrong.

We may only have one side of the story but many people on here can relate to what OP is going through and have shared similar experiences. You are trying to make excuses for this boy and victim blame the OPs 4 year old daughter, I think we can tell which parent you are in this scenario, OP has asked you to leave her alone but you keep coming back, nasty behaviour.

Absolute rubbish. Simply putting an alternate view and info which is absolutely correct as regards bullying of autistic children which I’m entitled to.

Parents of children with SEN put up with real misinformation, victim blaming , down playing abelsim and horridness on a daily basis.

They have to put up and shut up and don’t get to micro manage alternative points of views or threads they don’t like even when they are seriously crossing a line re abelism. Truly awful things are put up and left. Not entirely sure why things need to change just for you.

Making up your own narrative based on precisely nothing is not adding info

If they have the same attitude as you, victim blaming and excusing their child’s violent behaviour then I’m not surprised they face ‘horridness’, it’s well deserved.

It isn’t going to happen on the basis of the info so far from the op. It’s one child, the child has Sen and we don’t know all the details. There is a responsibility by the school to provide Sen provision and to keep both children away from each other which schools manage up and down the land. From info provided we do not know what has or has not been provided.

yeah byeeeeeee

Just to make it abundantly clear, there's no need for the school to keep my child away.

she is traumatised and frightened of the violent boy. She doesn't go near him.
he targets and attacks her.

she isn't part of the problem. HE has to be kept from HER and I wont have my daughter to be labelled as part of the issue because of posters like @AppleT1zerwhen the school have specifically told me the that it's totally unprovoked.