Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

Of course it is the school fault. That is clear in law. They need to be providing an environment that doesn't lead to lead to dysregulation for a disabled child,. The same responsibility as not providing nuts to a child with an allergy, or providing ramps for a wheelchair.

It is not the girls fault in anyway. The boy or his parents probably didn't ask to have a disability. It is all about prevent triggers for disregulation. All schools have senco who are trained in this and who should be supporting class teachers in getting a solution.

It is more likely to escalate it and we should not be teaching our children to be violent.

“Resourcing” mainstream schools is not the answer. More special/specialist schools might work. Inclusivity does not work for anybody.

One of the most sensible posts I’ve seen on this thread

I might secretly feel the same about the amount of money the school wastes on free school dinner for kids whose parents can't even be bothered to feed them properly. Imagine how much better education would be if that money could be spent providing learning environment for all the kids with disabilities rather than making up for parental failings.

I think most SEN parents would agree with that.

Again (and without sounding like a broken record 😂)

My son was put into mainstream school. At age 5 he had the speech, language and understanding skills of a 12-month-old. He could also be violent. This could easily have been him, however his school offered adequate support and kept everybody safe.

I would have preferred a special school but it wasnt an option, he still isnt in one 4 years later so earlier comments about 'lazy parenting' not 'making sure your child is in a SEN school' are ridiculously uneducated.

It IS down to the school to support and supervise. I cant believe all the posters who think the best solution would be to just tell the mum her child has lost his right to any education and must stay at home. My son has been supported and eventually got an EHCP and full-time 1-to-1. He is 9 now and has come a long way. There is absolutely no way I would have been able to support him at home the same way or have seen him make so much progress. It also means I've been able to work- making him leave school would have meant indefinite universal credit and no working.

Um because I won't let my child accept being hurt, she would never ever do anything to anyone first but if she needed to defend herself she would. I'm not raising a doormat to be pushed around I'm raising a girl who is confident she can stand up for herself and defend herself as a last resort should she need to.

Agree. Fed up with all the 'oh don't ever let your child defend themselves... that would be awful.... keep letting them get assaulted....trust the system that's been letting them get punched, kicked and bitten. How awful would it be for boundaries to be implemented.. its so unkind if they defend themselves and hit back.'

Been through this with one of mine. In the end, he didn't seem to have a right to be safe, so I withdrew him and home schooled him for two years, until he went to high school. No more injuries.

It is really bloody difficult to get medication for a child. Definitely not before the age of 6. Doctors very reluctant to prescribe. NHS has (misused) STOMP policies around medicating LD. They use it as an excuse sometimes not to give medication when needed as it is one less thing to manage, but leaves families in crisis instead.

I just wanted to say thank you to you, and all the other posters especially the ones here having my back and sticking up for me, and in turn, my little girl. It's actually made me quite emotional knowing so many on here are defending me / her.

thank you.

I really really appreciate it so much.

my brother is a marshal arts teacher, luckily! She will be doing some training with him for sure. That's a really good idea. At least that way she will now how to defend herself, if needed.

my little girl is tiny. She was tiny when she was born and is still a little stump, there's also nothing of her. The boy in question is a little bruiser. Much taller and bigger built than her. It's a complete power imbalance and one the school need to make sure doesn't happen again!

just reading through the rest of the replies.

thank you again all

We had to move school in similar circumstances. I realised that school was unable to protect my child. The message I got from headteacher- No offence but SEN child’s need will always be prioritised over non SEN child’s. The last drop for me was when there was an attempt to suffocate my child after kicking him in the stomach. No school worth your child’s safety.

It’s all well and good saying the school should provide 1:1 etc. I am sure they’d love to but being in reception this child probably doesn’t have his EHCP yet and the school probably can’t afford it. Equally it’s pointless saying get a special school place for him - good luck with that. The fact is SEND children are being failed all over the country. Children like OP’s daughter are being failed too. No child should go to school and be unsafe. The system is broken. I don’t think people not in a school environment realised the massive variety of needs teachers have to deal with in one class - it’s overwhelming at times.
The answer is money - lots of it. Either to build more appropriate school settings or to pay for extra staff and much smaller classes.

Op- I really hope you get this sorted for your little girl.

Unfortunately there are violent children around, autistic or not. The school will eventually have to employ a 121 TA to stick to this child or reallocate a classroom TA. All diverting funding from other children but absolutely commonplace in schools nowadays.

In the meantime, where is your next nearest school? I would book a tour asap and take your daughter to look round.

I’ve worked closely with a child like the boy. Chances are, for the first couple of weeks of school, he was masking. But at the moment his anxiety is spiking and the wheels are falling off.
With 1:1 support, there is every chance that this boy will settle and the attacks on your daughter will stop.
I understand that this isn’t your problem. And of course, you don’t want to give it time (I get that too!). But I guess I’m just making the point that it won’t always be like this.
What support does he have and how closely is he being monitored?

I agree about looking at other schools, and if it's possible, it could be worth moving your daughter to get her somewhere safe quickly. Not that you should have to move her to keep her safe (the school should be doing that), but it may well be that they won't do anything quickly enough. 😢

That's horrific I'm so sorry you and your little one went through that.
and for the staff to dismiss your concerns and say the other child be prioritised is horrific when suffocation can seriously injure or kill someone at worst.

my worry is this child escalating to more extreme attacks too. It seems to be heading that way with 2 attacks in 24 hours. DD is off with me now until they can keep her safe, and if they can't, she will be moved.

her class have her teacher and a TA.

it's a very small village school and during the summer holidays the teacher, TA and safe guarding lead visited all the children so this boy would've had a visit from the same staff.

the other school is linked to this school, it's under the same.. management? Curriculum? But it's a primary school rather than an infant school and it's not far away. I looked around it when applying and it was our second choice.

failing that, there is another small village school 1 mile away. Thankfully all schools in the area are fantastic and have good ofsted reports so she will have somewhere else to go.

another note that my daughter has petit mal which cause (brief) seizures and absent episodes. She usually has one when she is stressed, overwhelmed or sick. im worried that if she goes to school frightened she will have one and I really don't want this boy or anyone else to start picking on her for that too.

im a single mum and I do my absolute best for her. Shes the most precious thing in the world to me, like all children are. I just want her to be safe and happy. Her happiness is paramount so whatever it takes I'll do it.

thank you for replying

Thank you that's insightful.
im unsure on what support he has currently, the school understandably are being quite guarded.

i only know he's autistic because his mum has mentioned it at the gate a few times as well as him being dropped off and picked up 5 minutes earlier than everybody else.

I have a meeting with the HT Monday morning so hopefully I'll have more of a plan then fingers crossed

as well as the physical attacks he is also verbally bullying my DD, she has been told she's a baby, that she wears a nappy (she doesn't) and has just been generally taunted.

His mother did not stand watch him injure his peers, so don’t make things up. It doesn’t help your cause.
expelling any 5 year old is
ludicrous. They’re FIVE. They are stilo
lewrning how the world works. No 5 year old is attacking other kids for shits and giggles, part icarly a disabled one. Listen, I understand you want your kid to be safe, but the way to do that is to have the school do their job at safeguarding her,

DD had school photos yesterday too.

she has a visible mark on her head from the water bottle indecent and quite a bit bruise.

I really hope you can't see it in the photos. It's right on her forehead so couldn't cover it with her hair.

she's with her dad this weekend. Just want to wrap her up In cotton wool and keep her here forever.

I am going to be documenting everything this weekend, I have copies of the anti bullying and safe guarding policies. I really hope Monday can bring some clarity and a plan to keep her safe

It would help if you could read my posts. His mother was there watching him chuck sticks and branches at other children and didn't batter an eyelid.

he has attacked and injured my child to the point she has physical marks and bruises.

please don't dismiss or downplay what is going on. It's absolutely NOT ludicrous to want a child expelled who is assaulting and injuring my little girl. I know I can't ask them to exclude him from the school, but as a parent who loves their child, it's not unreasonable to WANT the violent boy excluded.

she has been attacked 5 times now since the start of term, so they aren't doing a good enough 'job' to keep her safe.

thanks

Do not contact the mother and do not tell your DD to hit back. I understand your frustration though.

The school have a duty of care to keep children safe and they are failing.

You need to put everything that has happened in writing and then you will need an appointment to discuss.

Yes that's what I'll be doing thank you