Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

I make her right!

DH, ex HT, says write noting all the incidents to the Head and ask for her action plan for dealing with the situation. Even if the Head does not supply this, there will be an audit trail, Include all concerns for the child.

Explain what measures have already been taken, if any.

Copy this letter to the Chair of Governors and the Chief Education Officer at the LA., (assuming it a local authority school not an Academy).

What a horrible situation and you are doing the right thing in advocating for your daughter and keeping her safe. That is a mums responsibility and the boy is not your responsibility. I think keeping her off school for a week is a good move. School should be a place of safety and that school clearly isn’t. I hope you can get it sorted quickly.

This. It’s irrelevant who the child is. He is hurting your child and has done three times. He has likely hurt other children too. It’s not acceptable.

The school should not be “trying to keep them apart”, they must. They clearly haven’t. If that means 1-1 in a corridor for him so be it. It sounds as if he should be in a special school. However that’s not for you to say or point out. Just focus on your child and the boy. If they decide he needs to attend a special school, transport will be sorted so it doesn’t matter if your school is a small village school without other nearby schools.

They perhaps couldn’t have stopped or anticipated the first incident or even the second, but now they know. They need to do better.

Raise it with the Head and Governers, and local authority too if you get nowhere. State you will take your child out of education if necessary (if you can if their grandparent or someone can look after her).

How can you even contemplate telling a 4 year old girl to punch another child in the face?! What kind of world are you living in when you encourage violence?

I say this purely for the safety and wellbeing of OPs child - don’t encourage hitting him back.

If the violence is in any way similar to children I’ve worked with, or my own - it won’t help.

Firstly it doesn’t always have the same “shock” factor that it usually would. It’s likely to just bounce off him, and not carry any emotional or cognitive weight.

Secondly - some autistic children don’t have the same inbuilt “limits” that we do. Their cut off is far, far higher.

Our son doesn’t hit other children, he has in the past but has now moved on behaviourally. I would seriously worry though that if someone hit him that he’d seriously hurt them. Not because it wouldn’t be deserved, if it would shock him or teach him not to then fairs fair, go for it. But he’d throw them across the room.

I’m twice his size and he can knock me off my feet. He bust my lip at 5 years old. I’m an adult.

My concern would be that a child retaliating/taking him on would be at huge disadvantage and he could cause some serious harm.

Oh op.

hugs. Your poor wee girl.

I’ve name changed for this.

my lovely quiet DS with autism and multiple surgeries for a physical disabilities was targeted in p1 (age 5) by another boy.

it was relentless. The other boy had special needs (as did DS - both in mainstream school) and I remember how mad I felt when he was coming home in bits and bruises and bashed.

the child ripped dressings off and targeted his limbs that had had operations. To cause DS pain. Strangled him with a skipping rope. Called him a spastic. Had him under such a sustained attack DS hid under the table as the child tried to get to him to carry on the attack.

He had been sat beside DS because DS was quiet and didn’t cause bother.

It wasn’t my finest moment when I told the teacher I didn’t care where she put him she could put him out by the bins for all I cared (hence the name change).

Go to the head.

Report to the school safeguarding lead.

report to the LADO - your child isn’t been kept safe at school.

go to the governors.

follow up every meeting in writing. You said. I asked for. You said you would do.

get commitments off them.

And start looking around for another school.

By age 8 DS’s attacker had vandalised the entire school, spray painted graffiti on the head master’s car and assaulted multiple teachers.

He was removed from the school at age 8 due to an incident I’m not going to divulge as it would be outing.

Good luck.

keep the focus on “what are you going to do to keep my daughter safe in school”.

My take on this is that mainstream schools are not resourced adequately to be able to meet the needs of children with a range of SEN. As professionals on this thread have stated, the solution is proper resourcing not segregation.

Agree 100%

I don't believe telling a scared 4 year old girl to punch the person she is scared of is going to work. As great as it sounds - she punches him, he never does it again - simply the thought of putting herself in that dangerous situation may upset her more. She needs peace and safety, not feeling like she needs to step up and fight.

What you’ve written about your child is extreme, and I’m not belittling your experience, but it used to be incredibly rare. Maybe one child in a whole school would have that type of behaviour.
Now it is far more common place, with one or two (or more) pupils in a CLASS with this level of behaviour.

I am not denying what you are telling me you deal with, not at all, but I am interested in the reason for this increase in extreme SEN behaviour being seen in schools all over the country.
Something must have changed.

On a side note, it’s interesting that since the kids returned to school in September, there have been an influx of posts on this forum asking whether a school/teacher has wrongly punished or harshly punished their child.
In MOST of these cases, the punishment was absolutely fitting for the behaviour and 30 years ago, a parent wouldn’t have batted an eyelid about it. The fact so many parents are questioning punishments would lead me to believe that they consider the punishments being given by schools are too harsh or unnecessary.
That tells me a lot about how they deal with poor behaviour at home.

It’s the school’s fault? Ridiculous comment.

This.

How is it ridiculous? When a child is at school, safeguarding is their responsibility, as is making sure a child in their care is receiving the correct support and supervision if they are struggling. Clearly, that isn't happening.

Well yes. A child with higher needs should be watched very closely. He obviously isn't being watched.

Well it is the schools responsibility to keep the children safe. They should be hiring a 1:1 ta or doing something else to make sure that OPs daughter or other children are not in danger.

Who else but the school is at fault? They are the ones in charge of both children when the incidents happen - they should be making sure that this boy is not in a position to hurt OP’s daughter. OK, the first time may have been unexpected but it’s been 4 times now that she’s been hurt. The school need to do better.

I wholeheartedly agree with this having gone through similar with my DC. We told DC they would not get in any trouble at home for hitting the bully back as hard as possible. To be honest this is quite easy to deal with. It's the sneaky bastards who grind your child down with constant name calling and verbal abuse, isolating them from their friends and ruining their self esteem. OP tell your daughter to kick him in the nuts. SEN or not he will soon learn that hitting people equals pain.

I’ll say it again - not necessarily.

If all a kid is looking for is a reaction, that counts as one.

He also could feasibly seriously hurt her in “retaliation” for her hitting him back.

So many people are nuts here 😂 no one would be singing this "tolerance" tune if they were going to work and their colleague was beating them up daily, disability or not😂

You lot want to call the police if a parked car looks suspicious 😂 it's so bonkers seeing the mindset!

If I was the op I wouldn't give a shit about a child's education who was beating my kid up.

I couldn't give a toss.

It's my child that I'm raising, not someone else's.

I'm sure it's been pointed out, but in no way is it a coincidence that this boy attacked a girl.

But the school legally has to give a shit about the other child's education.

He’s 4, I doubt he’s misogynistic.