Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be diagnosed in children and adolescents, although it was historically considered a diagnosis for adults. The latest edition of the Diagnosis and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5)allows for the diagnosis of BPD in individuals under 18 when the traits are pervasive, persistent, and unlikely to be a temporary developmental stage.

“Trauma is more difficult to treat when you have autism only in the context of the NHS which is under resourced and uses the phrase "difficulties can be seen in the context of their autism" in order to move them out of CAMHS budgets.”

What a ridiculous statement to make and indicative of huge ignorance. Autistic traits make it hugely difficult to treat, everybody in and out of the NHS know that. Disclaimer I have 2 autistic children being treated for trauma on the NHS .Trauma caused by their autism.

People are having a laugh if you think children even with the most profound autism does not get put into mainstream.
Blame the government for wanting 'inclusion'!

I have already said my bit earlier on on this thread.
And I would feel exactly how the OP feels to If it was my child.
But the people who are on this thread who think they know how it is like for sen children and there families have no clue!

This is absolutely on the school to protect your daughter. I would be furious. I wouldn't say anything to the mum as she isn't there during the school day and I wouldn't make judgements on her parenting based on what you see at the school gates - her son sounds very impulsive & she may well know that to stop his behaviours in the mornings could lead to a huge public meltdown or just be exhausted after a difficult morning with him.
But school need to put strategies in place. At the very least, I would want him with a 1:1 at break times and placed at the other side of the classroom to your wee girl. Can he come into school slightly later to avoid any incidents in the playground in the morning?
Mum if a severely autistic, learning disabled child here so not SEN bashing at all, I KNOW how hard it is.

I agree.

I completely agree with the OP that what’s happening to her DD is unacceptable.

However there is lot of uneducated posters who don’t have a clue about SEND either.

Who cares if she "understands" autism???

This boy is attacking and constantly assaulting a little girl and he is either a little shit with SEN, or just a little shit.

Either way, he has to be stopped and I would be asking the police for advice.

A member of my family who sadly passed away last year taught infants and juniors all her career, until retirement. She worked in a variety of schools, some in very poor areas and others not. She always said that the decline in the behaviour of children throughout her career once ND diagnosis started to become more commonplace was scarily evident. As she often pointed out, there will have been ND children in her classes and certainly those with complex SEN (she taught from the 70’s), but even more challenging behaviours (compared to the other pupils) could be managed with firm discipline and getting the parents on board. She said that as the decades rolled on, the SEN numbers increased and with it, the behaviour from those children got worse. She also noted that parents became far less supportive of staff and school discipline and it was clear that discipline at home was not happening. This was a regular topic of conversation in staff rooms, as it was when I was teaching.
She retired saying that it was like a completely different job to the one she first started.
So what’s happened? Why has behaviour of SEN kids got so much worse. Surely SEN parents have always struggled? Why are the new generation of SEN kids worse than the ones that came before? This is a genuine question that I’m asking here. Is it food? Additives? Sugar? Screens? A combination of all these? Why are SEN children now, in general, far worse than 20/30/40/50 years ago?

Because it’s not a new thing. We are just more aware of it and we diagnose it more readily.

Yep.

As if it so easy for a child to go to special school, even if they are non verbal and have a severe learning disability.

At age 4, the child may still be waiting for a formal diagnosis and some special schools don't even accept children without a formal diagnosis.

The BMA said 1 in 100 children have an autism diagnosis, although NICE has it between 1 and 2%

In terms of ehcps and sen support around 265kish chikdren have it as their primary need in a school population of 9 million so 3%

This is obviously identified autism.

I think the 1 in 35 figures are from the us.

It's unfortunate. But what can she do? She should do whatever she can to try to defend herself.

I would say if someone hurts you once when they’re all small, tell the teacher.

If it’s the same child, over and over, and nothing is changing, certainly hit him back. Other methods aren’t working.

That's an absolutely heartbreaking start to school for your DD. Whatever steps they've put in place to keep her safe are not working.

I would make a formal complaint in writing to the head. The school should have copies of their safeguarding and bullying policy on their website to refer to. If the head downplays it ( and they always do ) and you are not satisfied it has been dealt with, escalate to the chair of governors.

I'm speaking here as an autistic person with an autistic daughter, and as an SEN specialist teacher ... The fact the child is autistic is irrelevant here.

You need to make a meeting with the headteacher and say your daughter will not be back in school until there is a safeguarding plan in place to protect your DD from being repeatedly assaulted.

They can put a 1:1 in place for him, they can find alternate provision for him etc. Clearly there is something going on with the child, but that's not for you to worry about.

There’s an “autistic community”?

Who decided on that one? I know I’ve never been asked whether I want a community.

Why does she need to show empathy, though? What difference would it make other than to make a few people on this thread feel better?

OP’s concern is, rightly, with her own child.

Quite regularly.

Violence isn’t a precursor to autism, they’re not all violent.

Some violent children have SEMH needs, which isn’t a neurodiversity it’s an emotional or mental health need. Some of them are looked after/in care - still not ND.

The actual needs of this child aren’t the problem here. I’m sure OP couldn’t care if he was hitting her daughter because his hair was brown. She cares that he is, not why.

The fact that he is, means the school need to intervene and staff should be more closely monitoring him. But that would be the case even if he was NT.

This.

A complaint really should be made and in writing.

Your concern is rightly with YOUR child. The cause of the boy's behaviour is not your problem.

All these people saying punch back but not considering that this could just escalate and cause more harm to OPs DD.

No she should not be being hurt in the first place, but also hitting back won't necessarily send the message to stop hitting at all.

It could lead to bites, scratches, punches, hair being pulled out, the lot.

This kid doesn't think like typical kids and the goal should be preventing harm in the first place.

The OP needs to talk to the school about what they're doing to prevent the harm in the first place even if that means them organising and strategically ensuring that they're not anywhere near eachother and that there's always a member of staff watching this boy while the EHCP and funding process is completed for additional resources.

Exactly. The OP’s focus is the safety of her little girl. Not some random violent boy.
Yes the boy has SEN and there’s clearly a lot going on, but the OP absolutely does not need to show (or indeed even have) any empathy towards a violent child who is hurting and frightening her own.

The world has truly gone mad.

Yes the DSM-V does say that. What actually currently happens in practice in a CAMHS clinic is that children are not diagnosed with BPD. Occasionally an older adolescent will be diagnosed with "emerging" personality disorder.

Your perception of your experience is that your children have trauma caused by their autism and that makes any therapeutic intervention particularly difficult for them. However, that is not a universal experience that "everybody knows". There are many different modes of therapies within CAMHS. Some trusts are more limited in their offer. There are modes that are successful in working with children with mental health difficulties and autism.

Right, well thanks for your input.

SENd parents do have boundaries and expectations, and in fact often have to be even stricter than you would be. If we gave our kids an inch, many of them would take 1000miles.

Our 9 year old is only allowed certain foods. He’s not allowed downstairs by himself. Or in the bathroom. He can’t walk ahead of us, ever. He has to get in the car before we do. We don’t let him walk in the school door unattended. He doesn’t eat unattended, because he throws it up the walls. He can play with other children but the very second we can’t trust him to do so, he’s going home. He can’t see his grandparents unattended. No play dates. Or birthday parties.

Don’t tell me how much easier or harder we have it, or whether we’re wet wipes for managing every second of every day for a 9 year old - between us and school.

You’ve got zero fucking clue, and until you have, you don’t have the right to comment on how easy/hard it is to manage that behaviour, or how it should be done.

Yes on reflection I would agree to tell teacher first, I actually asked my dd tonight what she would do if someone hurt her and she said tell the teacher, and I said what if they did it again and she said "kick them in the leg." 🤣

It's amazing isn't it that the best SEND parents are those without SEND children?

They can get extra staff to help . Blaming the school is 100 right . If you mean it’s unfair b vias the LA doesn’t fund more help that’s a whole other issue but it is the school job to keep both children safe