Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

Have I said what condition makes me ND?

They wouldnt tell you about the other child but they can tell you about yours. So you can say did my child do anything to cause the incident and is there anything I can do to help prevent it.

My son has both caused and been the victim of incidents and whist the schools never tell me about the other person's whys and wherefores, they are always thorough about my child's role.

Doesn't matter. You still show very little understanding about autism.

True. I should have said they won't say anything about the other child. They don't usually say much about the incidents either.

My 'understanding' and concern is about my daughter.

not the violent boy and his condition. Thanks

If this was my child I would be reporting this to the police and getting social services involved. I know that the criminal age of responsibility is 10 but the school clearly aren’t doing enough to safe guard your child from being assaulted so this may give them the kick up the arse to do something. Or push some kind of extra funding for him to have a 121.

Exactly the same for these incidents here

Oh the old, she was asking for it excuse huh?

Is my 'understanding' of autism going to stop my daughter getting assaulted and injured, btw?

How would a better understanding of autism help OP’s child be safe in school?

Because it doesn’t actually matter why the other child is behaving as he is. That’s for his parents and the school to figure out. OP’s daughter just needs to be kept safe from the impact of his actions on her.

DH has been a university lecturer for 29 years. He assured me that it's already happening. I'm sure he won't be alone in confirming this.

It's not an 'umbrella term' in the slightest. And for 'personality disorders'??!!

Just plain ignorance peppered with ableism.

Testing is robust and requires at least 2 professionals to assess and agree on a diagnosis.

You are not qualified to make such claims and are CLEARLY ignorant on the subject.

No the old wait until you have all the info and suspicion that this is simply yet another autism bashing thread .

🤣A uni lecturer does not an autism expert make. He’s clearly clueless re the subject .

Yes, you say something.

My child has autism and he gets attacked at group therapy (by other autistic kids). It has happened multiple times. I’ve told the therapists to keep certain kids away from my child and told another child to stop kicking my child in the face. It made me so angry.

Some of these kids are utterly feral and are never taught the word no. I don’t think they belong in a school environment.

It has been explained to me why you’re not meant to tell autistic kids the word no. But I completely disagree.

We are going to discontinue group therapy because the kids are getting bigger and it’s too dangerous. My child has been hurt and I have been hurt.

There was this one kid who would run full force against a window. It was made of some sort of safety glass because he kept bouncing off it. Eventually he was put on medication and his dad was so upset that his kid was drugged.

This mother needs to medicate her child and the school should move him to another classroom and keep him away from your daughter at lunch time.

This 👏

You can’t medicate autism. Yet more abelist nonsense. 🙄

Seems to be with a side serving of 'she's probably bullying him'..

@HollandAndCooper I fully understand your position, I have a DD who used to be on the receiving end of a boy with autism at school. Awful, and so unfair! I also have a DS with autism, DD’s twin, he was the one hitting her. So I also know how it is from the side of the other mum.
My conclusions:

• Both their needs are of equal value from the school’s POV, her right to be safe / his right to an education.
• The school can’t expel him, but hopefully they are in the process of getting him an EHCP in order to have a 1:1, in order to keep others (and him) safe. These things take time, neither the school nor the parents can make the process go faster.
• You would be absolutely justified to tell your DD to avoid the boy.
• Speaking to the mum won’t help at all. She’s not there when it happens. I did supervise/discipline my DS (and would never have let him do what you describe from the school gates!) but that didn’t prevent him from hitting when he was feeling overwhelmed / overexcited / angry / etc. We took him to multiple professionals, OT, psychologists, educational playgroups, did role play, read books about the topics, you name it. As a parent there is only so much you can do.
• Even without an EHCP, the school can allocate staff to prevent him from targeting your DD. It is their problem to solve and they will have to find a solution.

In short: stop focussing about having him expelled (it won’t happen) or expecting the mum to solve the issue (she can’t), but continue to insist that the school puts concrete measures in place. Call them, ask for meetings, ask for details
of what they are doing, put things in writing, etc. They are the one who have a duty to handle the situation.

Oh you're not meant to be worried about your daughter op... that's awful and unkind remember. 🙄

Seems that way doesn't it!

Threaten to sue the school if the SENCO can’t adequately safeguard the autistic child - or your DD. Shameful.

I find that actual parents of autistic children advocate for actual changes that will help everyone including children like OPs daughter. Better support, provision, access to special needs schools.

People who are being ableist and just he’ll-bent on insisting the mum and child should somehow be punished for the sin of having a disability, who think they would do such a better job if they had a disabled child (yeah right) aren’t actually helping anything at all. That’s the ironic thing. If you actually cared about the children like OPs daughter you would push for the change that needs to happen, but you don’t want to do that because it’s also beneficial to the disabled children. You don’t actually care about education and school better for all, you just want to bash at disabled people and their carers. Grim.

@teaandcupcake what a load of bollocks.

Can people please stop lumping all disabled folk, or even all SEN folk, together?

This thread is discussing a very specific issue: violence.

Please do not threaten to sue the SENCO 😂