Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

Indeed. First stage interview - I am autistic, what accommodations will you give me…

It’s specifically discussing the violent behaviour of an autistic child.

@teaandcupcakeim not being or meaning to be SEN bashing and being ableist.

that isn't my intention at all. I am sad, angry and worried for my daughters safety and future.

the facts are, this is being compromised by a violent, autistic boy.

I haven't meant to offend anybody or bash anyone's disability

@SleeplessInWherever correct, an individual boy, not every SEN or disabled person in existence as the pp was suggesting.

The autism is relevant because it’s a disability (protected characteristic) and that limits how the school can deal with the violent behaviour.

i would hope we can all agree that the violent behaviour is unacceptable and no child should be routinely (or ever) attacked at school.

Therefore the school has a problem in having to manage or contain the disabled child who is being violent, because they also have a duty of care to the other child(ren).

OP has been justifiably angry, dismayed, and heartbroken for her small daughter. I haven’t seen anything from her posts which suggests prejudice. Frustration that her child has been unprotected on multiple occasions, and anger at that situation- even at the individual harming her- is not prejudice against disabled people.

There's a growing body of evidence in the acedemic literature that shows that people with a childhood trauma history have been misdiagnosed as being autistic.

In addition, there is the misdiagnosis of children with mild learning difficulties

In addition, the inclusion criteria for an autistim diagnosis have broadened in the last two interations of the DSM (this goes back to 1999, when autism diagnosis rates rose abruptly by almost a third - 1 in 500 children were diagnosed in 1999, then following publication of the DSM IV-tr, the rate increased increased to 1 in 150 by the end of 2000). So yes, it's become more of a broad spectrum, a catch-all for difference.

So it's not that robust of a diagnosis really. But a diagnosis opens the door to support and adjustments and alleviates any parental guilt a person might feel, with or without cause. After all you can't cause something you're born with. So a diagnosis wipes away the stain of "bad parenting". Autism most definitely exists. Not all people with a diagnosis of autism have a neurological difference.

In any case, non of that is relevant to a child (or her mother) who's a victim of abuse at the hands of another child.

It doesn't matter why the boy is violent. It only matters that he is.

Only the boy, the boy's family, his teachers and his mental health/medical team need to think about the why. It's absolutely not relevant to anyone else.

A million percent this!

Posters falling over themselves to find excuses for the boy being violent, trying to pick holes in the OPs story and turn it into a ‘be kind’ moment.

No wonder there’s so many feral unrepentant kids if this is how people parent them, special needs or not your kid shouldn’t be attacking others and if they do shame on you for allowing it to continue.

Believe it or not the public is not obliged to ‘educate itself’ about a condition if it doesn’t affect them, particularly something so nebulous that every person seems to have a different profile and ‘if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism’ etc

I have a condition and just tell people the facts on a need to know basis. I don’t expect everyone to educate themselves on my condition. It’s such a hyper individualistic mindset

100% this. A few years ago I wouldn’t have said what I have, but you can feel the public goodwill running out here.

You are blaming the wrong party here . The school are 100% to blame here . They gave a duty to keep both you and that boy safe and they are failing both

Yeah I’m fine with being called ignorant. I’ve seen people say ‘you’re not a doctor’ and when the poster confirms they are they just say ‘well I’m glad you’re not my doctor’. I’ve seen people say ‘you’re not a teacher’ and if they say they are it’s ’well I’m glad you’re not my teacher’. And so on, and so on. Ultimately whenever anyone says anything somebody doesn’t like about autism/adhd, they just declare that person ignorant, unqualified or nasty. This was also used against posters in the early days who queried gender ideology.

Came here to say this. He probably won't hit her again after that.

What can they do? Blaming the school is deeply unfair. They’re not qualified to deal with so many children with issues that they’re suddenly presented with. This was discussed on a thread the other day. Long term childcare workers saying they can’t believe the number of kids arriving with difficulties.

How does the mother ‘allow’ or ‘not allow’ it?

My reception age son was violent. This could easily have happened but he was adequately supported at school. The issue is school.

It’s not nebulous, it has a very clear diagnosis process that focuses on 3 areas.

If your condition was equally judged and equally incorrectly pontificated on by people that clearly know very little I’m pretty sure you’d expect said individuals to educate themselves .

When was the last time we had a repeated school violence thread and the child was NT?

It is judged. I have a thick skin. That’s life.

There is absolutely no evidence that is the case here, and it’s been made quite clear OPs little girl is smaller than him and goes after her unprovoked. Are you so desperate to justify the violence against this little girl you are trying to cast her as a bully, and even if she was she doesn’t deserve to be physically assaulted.

I’m so sorry @HollandAndCooper . I think you’re doing the right thing, though frankly I’d have sorted it out myself by now. Given he can apparently communicate fine I don’t see that a warning to stop being a little shot or else he won’t like the consequences would make things any worse, just watch you don’t get caught.

Id also suggest marshal arts for your daughter, might now solve the problem now but great for confidence and will give her skills for the future. I found a full on kick in the nuts to the 10 year old bully who was nearly a foot taller than the 9 year old me solved the problem and carried me mostly unscathed through high school too- they tend to back off once they know you will fight back.

I’m furious on your behalf OP, your poor daughter. If this was my little niece I would be seething with rage and quite frankly would want to get my hands on the toad doing it! (And no, I don’t care that he has autism, quite frankly- he’s in a mainstream school and this absolutely unacceptable). The school sound beyond useless.

I wouldn’t send my child to school knowing he was targeting and assaulting an innocent girl.

If my child couldn’t cope in that environment and had become a danger to others I wouldn’t send them in.

And you’re not. No ones child should have to be subjected to violence, whether it’s done by a child who is ND or not.

This makes me feel sick that literally the following day the school have failed to protect your daughter - absolutely shocking.

I fully understand that we need to be inclusive and be accommodating of children’s individual needs but that should never come at the cost for other children’s safety.

My daughter starts reception in September and if she experiences anything like this I’d be reacting exactly the same as you OP and I refuse to believe any parent would just sit back letting their child get hurt everyday and justifying it.

I think you’ll find there is growing evidence that autism is undiagnosed and many struggling young people( particularly girls) are mis diagnosed with BPD when it’s autism. Autistic people are more likely to encounter trauma and trauma is more difficult to treat when you have autism.

Diagnosis is robust and it most certainly isn’t a catch all.

But hes specifically targeting this little girl so its calculated its not during a meltdown from being overstimulated. For the child to get an autism diagnosis so young he must be showing quite significant behaviours so I highly doubt he isn't acting this way in other environments. Being autistic and being violent are 2 different things if they wasn't all autistic people would be seen as a danger to society and locked away. The parents need to get a handle on his behaviour why hes still young otherwise they are going to have serious problems the bigger and stronger he gets. All kids are capable of violence so its the parents job to teach them its wrong sen or no sen. I see far to me kids showing absolutely disgusting behaviour while parents stand back shrugging their shoulders saying he can't help it he has adhd, autism etc. Its like they use sen as a get out of parenting free card and it makes it harder for sen parent who genuinely do parent their children

Great crack on. The autistic community most definitely doesn’t have to do the same because Uggboot has a thick skin about her condition.

Autism and adhd are on a spectrum and vary in how they present.