Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

That’s your main concern here? 🙄

Incidents are not attacks and can happen for all sorts of reasons.

I suggest you put a hold on the witch hunt until you’ve had your meeting and gained more info.

There's certainly some agenda going on on this thread.

OP, it is awful when your kids are hurt and I'm not surprised you're angry. I feel very sorry for your poor little DD. Both kids have been badly let down by the school and the whole class really since it's important to promote acceptance of all people - after all we all live among all sorts - but not bad or violent behaviour and everybody deserves to feel safe don't they. By letting them see their classmate struggle so much they become violent and potentially scary they are not doing that at all.

The best way to approach this is with the school's own safeguarding policies so you're absolutely right to spend the weekend researching and not allowing your anger to make you act irrationally however hard that is. It won't be practical to push for this little boy's exclusion but you can certainly push VERY HARD INDEED for your own daughter's safety and the school will need to buy extra help in if necessary.

You don’t think feminism should be something that helps girls as well as grown women? You don’t think it’s a feminism issue if little girls are being routinely attacked at school and told their abuse should be downplayed and not punished because the perpetrator is ND? This is getting out of hand. I think one day we will look back and be staggered at the ND ideology in the same way we do transgender now.

I'm so sorry to hear your DD has been assaulted again today. I think keeping her off school is the right call until her safety at school is ensured. It's morally wrong though that the victim in this is the one who must change her life.

I'm also very sorry you're having to deal with the upsetting nonsense coming from some posters who are derailing the purpose of your thread

A witch hunt?

my daughter is being assaulted, resulting in injury.

I will not converse with someone who downplays and belittles horrible experiences of innocent children. Who does that? Oh wait..

you yourself are trying to start a witch hunt against me, and failing.

I won't reply to you further.

I beg your pardon.

ND ideology? It’s a protected disability.

ND girls can lash out exactly the same as boys.

Off you pop to a thread where you can be more helpful.

Your posts are incredibly insensitive and without empathy. Bye

Thank you to all the posters having my back here - hugely appreciated

Yes a disability where the boundaries and profiles are ever expanding without any kind of solid evidence base.

Yes the girls can lash out but male violence is a much bigger concern than vice versa!

Hi, this sounds awful @HollandAndCooper
your poor daughter.

Teacher hereHave you go a copy of the safe guarding policy, the anti bullying policy and the behaviour policy? They should be available on the school website.

The other document which could be very useful for you to read is the Keeping Children Safe in Education. It talks about peer on peer abuse and this is one of the growing issues in education. All schools have to do safe guarding training on a regular basis and this is part of what is used in the training.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/keeping-children-safe-in-education--2

Whilst I totally appreciate it is very difficult to keep children apart in school, the staff need to put together a plan that will keep your daughter safe. Children with additional needs who are attacking other children can be internally / externally excluded. In my school we had to exclude a child a ridiculous number of times before the local authority put something in place to help him. And the help we go for him turned his life around.

I hope the school take it seriously. They need to!

There is plenty of evidence. Profiles aren’t ever expanding either. We are better informed particularly in how it presents in women
and girls which the diagnosis process now reflects .

Well done for standing up for her, OP.

What I would advise as an ex teacher is to try to use that time to calm yourself so you can discuss this with the head without anger or upset.

The school may well be defensive and will take any opportunity to spread blame about. You don't want to give them any excuse to paint you as aggressive or unreasonable.

You will get further with a calm head and a spattering of sympathy for the boy, especially if you have to raise an official complaint above the Head.

Try to stick to facts and their failure in their responsibility to safeguard DD.

Good luck. I hope DD is a bit brighter when she wakes and that you can spend some time spoiling her over the weekend.x.

It’s just become an umbrella term that all kind of personality disorders, lifestyle impacted behaviours etc are swept under. If I turn out to be wrong I’ll admit it but I think the damn will burst in 20 years when we have a generation of adults who all need adjustments, can’t work, have been told their brain is different etc all without hard proof.

Good luck Op. It's an awful situation for your DD.

Of course feminism should help girls but it has nothing to do with this thread.

FFS I have identified as a feminist all my life and recently I just feel so bloody alienated.

Constant threads justifying racism and islamaphobia in the name of "protecting women and girls" and "feminism".

Homophobic threads in the name of "feminism" . ( I don't even dare to speak of transphobia on mumsnet of course).

And now -what- ableism??!! In the name of feminism? Those evil men pretending to be ND. Women and girls as perpetual victims of ND ideology?

No no no no no no . Just stop .

This is a thread about two four year old children- their sex is irrelevant. One , and possibly both are ND, one is being horribly and repeatedly assaulted and the school is absolutely useless and allowing this to happen repeatedly / failing to safeguard. No need to bring evil men pretending to be ND and targeting women/ girls into it - has nothing to do with anything .

I am a bit surprised they are telling you it was unprovoked. Normally, and as they should do, you shouldn't be told anything.

I know. You'd almost think something else was going on wouldn't you.

Luckily the OP is taking a sensible and practical approach to her poor daughter's situation.

Presumably the Mum isn't in the classroom or playground to intervene? And the Dad isn't either?

The school environment can be very different to a home environment - more sensory stimulation, unpredictability, a lot more children and expectations, uniform etc etc. This child is only 4 weeks in and pretty young so it would not be surprising if he is feeling very stressed at school and this is causing dysregulation - this doesn't mean he should be allowed to hurt people, but it does mean that he might need more support in order to prevent him doing so until he either settles or the school have gathered enough evidence that he won't be able to that they can put the appropriate (very lengthy and glacially slow) paperwork in motion.

I am a bit suspicious that you are supposedly ND yet you show very little understanding of autism in your posts.

I don't condone the violence btw.

Autism is not an umbrella term for all kids of personality disorders.

You make it sound as if they are just playing at being autistic. You either are or aren't.

I like to hope my son isn't any more likely to be a wife beater than any other male because he has autism.

This!

And what pathways is your dd on?

Ignore @AppleT1zer they must get some kick out of it. Sad.

You are doing great OP. I'm sorry for your dd, you will get through it.

We had a similar situation when one of mine was in infant school. I went into school and advocated very hard for my child. The bloody head teacher at the time (she left since thank god) tried to keep me at arms length with pathetic management speak and tried to delay the first meeting. I t may not have been a priority to her, but it certainly was to me. She was so fake and patronising while trying to act as if she cared.

Thankfully the school's SEN lead and my dc's class teacher were a lot more clued in and supportive and we had about 3 meetings, with them, I brought my dh too.

A boy was pushing her from behind so he fell over and hurt her head, whacked her in the lunch queue, pushed her when she was trying to wash her hands so she fell and hit herself on the sink.

I was livid, especially as my child used to be very shy and non-confrontational.

I went to the first meeting armed with print outs of their behaviour policy as well as the department of education's guidance on peer on peer abuse.

Through our intervention and the lovely support of the SEN lead and class teacher (who had been at the school for a long time and was also the deputy head) the boy was provided with 1-2-1 support and was never left alone. This made it possible for my dc and others in her class to be safe at school. The boy had cut my dc's friend's hair during a lesson.

Then came Covid and by the end of the school year the boy had left the school.

Can't say I was sad to see him leave. I'll never forget that useless head teacher though. Do not let school patronise you or minimise your concerns. Your dc has a right to be safe in her educational setting.

This may be helpful

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/68add931969253904d155860/Keeping_children_safe_in_education_from_1_September_2025.pdf

We has this experience, with both our girls. DD1 'kind, sensible, hard working' was consistently sat next to children who struggled to focus and with their work. One of these children was pinching, stabbing her with a pencil, scratching her, and when tried to move away was told off for fidgeting. After she slammed DD1's head into the table enough was enough and I asked class teacher to move her. She refused, so I withdrew her and asked for a call from the head, she called me back and promised would sort it, and to be fair she did, but the teacher was not happy I had gone over her head. I do feel I waited too long, and it took DD2 a while to feel truly settled again in school, but there is the fear of being labelled ablest which keeps parents from standing up for the children.

DD2 had a child hitting, scratching etc and telling her she was going to die in her sleep. Several others had same issue and school moved her into other reception class.