Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

Do we need a biology lesson? There’s a dad somewhere.

This

You can get an EHCP without being at school, but like I said you have to show evidence that your given your child an appropriate education.

Why not? Is OP supposed to put up and shut up? If my child was being physically attacked every day, to the point she actually came out of school crying hysterically then yes I would push for exclusion.

I second this too.
Practice manoeuvres with your daughter and some child centred self defence strategies/disabling techniques. YouTube could help here.
It’s horrible that she is having to do this but until it’s sorted she needs an effective strategy.

Been through something similar... spoke to head several times. Nothing changed until I put in a formal written complaint in accordance with the school's own policy. Find their safeguarding policy, behaviour policy and complaints policy on their website and follow the process quoting the safeguarding/behaviour policy. They must give you a written response. Don't let them fob you off. As others gave said, thus isn't the boys fault, it's the school's fault or not being able to manage the situation. They are failing to safeguard your daughter.

Even if it doesn't stop the behaviour, but it will help the child learn that it is not OK to be assualted and to stand up for herself.

This happened to my daughter and poor lad with ASD and ADHD, his parents didn’t think he needed an assessment.even though the older sibling was in an STF.
We tried all sorts, working with the school but focusing very carefully on what may work separating , moving desks but he had a thing for DD.

My final straw was when he went for my daughters hand with a pair of scissors, ( safety ones but still ) at which point I put in calm but respectful compliant to the Governors & Head outlining the steps we had tried but that the school was failing both children, outlining the rights of the child( UN Charter) and that comes up in and OFSTED report and the schools hate that.

Get the complaint procedure off their website and deal with them like you would a business. Follow policies and then they have no fall back.

Funnily enough the school were finally able to persuade the parents that he needed an assessment and his needs weren’t being met.

We have seen the lad since and he clearly needs a non main stream school and I feel sorry his parents were so shit for him.

so here is what I would do;
Complain to the head/and threaten the govenors/ofstead (i do not go in light when there violence!) safeguarding etc

teach your daughter to physically defend herself - let her hit him back/teach her martial arts etc - she must defend herself

remove her if needby if he touches her again

SEN is no an excuse to be a violent little shit

Don’t be obtuse. Obviously mean a dad actually being a dad. Ie, as in being present, whether permanently or EOW…

I think the question is does your sons disability effect the safety of other children? I assume they change him in private.

This child is hitting other children. This has been put down to the SEN, but it might be because they are mimicking some behaviour at home.

Either way it is being tolerated... and that is why its a problem.

Sorry all - the thread got removed due to some reports but I've contacted Mumsnet and they've verified it was done in good faith.

there are many new posts I'll need to read through so will have a read and come back later. Thank you all!

DD has also come home again today, with yet another indecent and this time it was a kick to the hip.

That's 4 attacks now in total and 2 of those in the last 24 hours sadly.

will report back a little later.

Deal with the kid yourself.

My mum did this with my sibling’s bully. My sibling was never targeted again after that.

You need an emergency meeting with the head.

If I were you, I'd consider keeping DD off school until that has happened, if possible.

As I have written, the school have confirmed the attacks are unprovoked.

she has been attacked yet again today and has a red mark on her hip.

I am BEYOND angry at this point because they were already attempting to keep him away, and just yesterday she was attacked with a metal water bottle to the head.

she absolutely will not be going to school on Monday, and is now staying home with me, until the boy is FAR away from her as possible.

I've requested emergancy annual leave to sort this out. I am absolutely not having my daughter be assaulted, attacked and injured any more from a child that is quite evidently out of control.
4 attacks, 2 in the last 24 hours.

she was an absolute shell of herself when I picked her up today. I had to sign her another incident form.

i am so incredibly angry. She's currently sleeping on the sofa, she has worn herself out due to being so upset.

this morning for the first time, she was hesitant to go in, holding my leg and cowering behind me.

I will not stand for her to be put through this, and if I need to keep her off with me and dip into savings due to not being able to work, so be it.

and to others who are pointing out that my daughter has SEN and that she might turn aggressive. Stop turning the point of the thread.

at this present moment she is not aggressive so it's a moot point. And if she was walloping kids and injuring them I would take her out myself.

I have a confident, happy little girl who is currently a shell of herself, teary and frightened to go into school.

im utterly devastated for her.

Look at the schools complaints procedure - it should be on their website and also go to the Governors and ask for the Safeguarding lead
to be involved.

Try to be factual and calm , if you can, cold and business like. Complaints have to be seen by OFSTED.

Bloody hell @HollandAndCooper so sorry :(

Yes that's what I'm doing, I've requested emergancy leave for next week, she's staying home with me until it gets sorted. I'm not having her go back there while she's unsafe. She's becoming a shell of herself 😔

What exactly has the school said? How do you know the child is autistic? I do find this thread a little suspicious .

It’s worth remembering that bullies of autistic children can be very clever and sly deliberately and slyly provoking for a reaction, telling lies and also not leaving children alone. The anti bullying alliance recognises this.Autistic children are more likely to be the children who are bullied.

My son was hurt by a non verbal boy in nursery on a couple of occasions, both unprovoked as confirmed by staff. After the second incident I asked for a meeting with the nursery manager and kept him off until this happened (they refunded me for these days which was unexpected but very much appreciated as it meant we had to take time off work)
I'm a teacher in a SEN school and I explained that, while I understand the difficulties the child faces and the complexities of meeting need, I wasnt willing to allow my own child to be repeatedly hurt. To be blunt, the other child's needs do not trump my child's need to be safe.
Nursery spoke to the other parent and altered staffing so that the other child had 1:1 support and (according to my child) he had other strategies in place, such as ear defenders, sensory toys and time outside alone (not my son's words BTW!)
Ultimately, school sound like they are failing to meet need which is a problem. If this boy has an EHCP then they need to be following the recommendations as much as possible. I would definitely be asking for a formal meeting with the head to see how they propose to keep all the children safe as this situation is definitely unsustainable.

If she's in the process of getting hit I'm sorry to say might as well try. Show her how and where if you can. Just make an attempt. Maybe bite. Tell her not to sit at take it.

I'm so sorry OP. I would put this all in writing to the head before your meeting. Be clear that this is a safeguarding issue, and ask the school to set out in writing how they are going to keep your daughter safe.

Read the thread -
all your concerns are answered up thread
it’s also been reported and reinstated

we’ve also been round the houses re is calling out violent behaviours from a SEN child ableist…

Have you made an appointment with the headteacher yet? You need to do this, tell them in the meeting that it’s a formal complaint. Make sure you’ve read their complaint procedure, it will be on their website but there is nothing wring with emailing and asking for a copy so they know that you know.