Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

To be honest I think that is a fair description of the amount of stuff SEN parents have to get to grips and fight at each stage. We have sent thousands on some those reports to keep the process moving.

They end up in residential because their live in carers (parents) have the audacity to get older and unable to look after them, and because they need somewhere to be when we’re dead.

We have compulsory education at school age. See all the threads about parents being fined for term time holidays and imagine the consequences for removing a child from school.

Im insulting? You're insulting every parent of a SEN child and their kids on this very thread. Discrimination at its finest.

And autistic children end up in prison? What the fuck

Violent

Why should the OP have to remove her child or privately educate because of the harm from 1 child. So what if he then repeatedly injured another child (sinse you don't agree with attacked), should that child then remove themselves and privately educate, then the next and so on. The 1 attacking needs the actions. Not everyone else around him.
Every child should be able to go to school and feel safe. There shouldn't be a free pass to cause harm to others. If his behaviour is unmanageable in a usual setting then he needs to be moved

My heart goes out to you OP, my DN is the same age and just starting school, I can't imagine how upsetting this is for you. Your DDs needs should not be expendable in favour of another

I’m coming to this thread late but just wanted to send some support. My two children were bullied and injured (fingers actually broken) by my friend‘s children who had ASD and nobody did anything. It was horrible. The school has an obligation to ensure the safety of all children. I was so angry with their mother but she did literally nothing but get defensive. I assume this mother you are talking about would be the same. Ridiculous.

editing to add that both I and my daughter are autistic!

Utter shit show that no one is benefiting from

kids - NT / SEN whatever really don’t stand a chance, especially if the family doesn’t have money to throw at it

totally depressing

But the child is obviously distressed if they are lashing out.

No necessarily. My ds can lash out whilst laughing. Who knows? Either way the child has a right to education end of

I'm with you. I think I learnt lesson at nursery with our first child. In the few weeks they were bitten another child and I went crazy. But a month later my child bit another so I had to have rather sheepish meeting. Fortunately they didn't it again, then I learnt the there but for the grace of god go I point. Obvious nursery is different to primary school in the regularity of these things.

End of ?? 😂
That’s me told.

Yes. We sent our son every day until everyone got their shit together and got him the 1:1 support he needed in mainstream.

When that didn’t work, we then transitioned him into a SEN school he hated, because he hates everything new, and sent him every day until he also got a support package there.

We did that so he would eventually get the staff, resource and environment he needed. Which he now has.

If we’d taken him out, none of that would have happened, and he wouldn’t currently be getting the education he deserves.

Not if they want their child to have an education in school, no. If the LA says that your child needs to be in mainstream because they need evidence to agree to a special school then that is what you do.

If you remove your child from school then the LA no longer have to provide an education for them, including the special school the child desperately needs and any support they may currently have in place.

That's even before talking about how it isn't always financially possible for one parent to stay at home or that there's always both parents involved, some are single parents and dealing with it all alone.

I'm going to use this. It's a brilliant come back and the reason mumsnet needs the laughing reaction back 😆

Adults with ASD / ADHD are over represented in the prison population

maybe if there was increased investment in emotional regulation / impulse control / appropriate education in ND kids, this would not be the case ?

Thank s makes me feel sick.
It's your little girls first ever taste of school. You've looked forward to it for so long and taught her to look forward to all the wonderful things it promises. Then this happens.
Yeah I would be furious!
The little boy needs some kind of intervention where he has one on one supervision, or he should be removed altogether.
I'm with you on this one op.

^This.
And the boy has to start learning responsibility for his actions, however challenging/hard work that might be for the parent(s).

Can I just say as well that to home educate your child, you need to prove to the LA that you are giving them an education.
A lot of sen children are not able to do that at home and in turn the parent/s can be taken to court to send them back into school.
It is just not doable for many reasons unfortunately.

If parents home educate, they opt out of the school system and their child will never get an EHCP or be educated alongside their peers.

God no! Mine aren’t violent. I wouldn’t send a violent child to a mainstream school as it would be too distressing for them and for their peers .

So you are taking up your child's right to an education just like everyone else.

You seem to have all the answers. Maybe you should become the next PM? Find a budget to help?

I think his autism is probably the least of his problems. He sounds like he’s got a useless twat of a mother who has just given up and doesn’t give a shit what he does.

If he was mine I’d have firmly taken his arm by now and marched him away from the sticks, and pressing the buzzer and banging the board and I’d have said in a stern voice “NO. We do not do that!” Or I’d have packed something that would’ve safely occupied him while waiting. If I was the school office staff I’d have walked out to gate and specifically addressed the parent and told her to stop him doing it.

I don't understand why (mainstream level) autism, or any other SEND, means that kids are allowed to behave violently or disrespectfully - yes we might understand a bit more why they do - but you don’t allow it to continue! or allow them repeatedly do it. This idea that ‘he can’t help it’ is pathetic and just an excuse for shit parenting.

She just doesn't have any experience. Let's cut mainstream funding reopen the specialist school then everyone wins.