Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

The autism is irrelevant. If another child was physically assaulting mine at school I would be livid and camping out at the school office until something was put in place ASAP to keep that kid far away from mine. He should not be in a mainstream school if he can't control himself.

In most local authorities there is one school with a specialist autism provision in mainstream school. Perhaps two provisions in larger, well-funded local authorities.

The mother of this child will be taken to court if she removes him from school. She might be hoping he is permanently excluded so that she can keep him at home legally and fight for a special school placement. Or she might have to work, as most parents do.

There is no fast track EHCP process. The school should:
Refer to NHS speech and language therapy - long waiting lists.
Ask for advice from the local authority additional needs team - there will be a cost to the school for this specialist advice but they should pay it.
Request an educational psychology assessment - there is a cost to the school but they should pay it.
Ask CAMHS for advice, but CAMHS is NHS-funded so they don’t have to accept a referral if the child is already diagnosed.
Call a multi-agency meeting after all the assessments have been done.
Implement specialist advice, documenting everything - this will include every reasonable adjustment and intervention, including TA support paid for by school.
Review specialist advice - another meeting
Implement renewed advice, documenting everything.,
Review specialist advice - another meeting
Apply for an EHCP assessment, making absolutely certain that they have a watertight case and can evidence they have done everything they possibly could to meet the child’s needs.
Wait for the local authority to hold their EHCP decision panel.
If they get an agreement to assess, the local authority has 16 weeks to draft an EHCP.
At this point, the parents can insist on a specialist setting but there are shortages of places.
The local authority has 4 weeks to finalise the EHCP (in theory but many local authorities don’t have enough EHCP writers to meet the deadlines).
So this takes the four year old until the end of Reception, possibly into Year 1.

I didn’t have to Google any of this - it’s in the SEND Code of Practice 2015. I was a SENCO for a very long time and got statements of special educational needs for many children until 2014, when the system swapped to EHCPs and then I got EHCPs for another 44 children before leaving the SENCO role.

In no situation is it possible to phone the local authority and ask them to send an EHCP over. The process I have described above has to be followed.

I have seen children permanently excluded, but never a few weeks into Reception year.

Currently 5.3% of children have EHCPs and the government is saying it’s unaffordable.

It is intensely stressful for parents of autistic children - most EHCPs are because children are autistic.

Come at me with pitchforks and ableist comments, I am stating the facts.

You can’t ‘push’ for a child to be removed from a school when there is a disability (and even when there isn’t).

If a school takes a child with severe SEN and then fails to meet that child’s need to the point that the child is expelled, they are breaking the law and could potentially be liable for damages to this child’s family. And the LA is liable. There is case law on this.

This government is pushing for all children with SEN to be in a mainstream school and mainstream is completely unsuitable for some children with SEN.

My DC are much older now, but when in reception my eldest had a child join his reception class at October half term because she'd been excluded from another local school.

She was autistic and aggressive and the previous school couldn't cope. She got a lot more support in the new setting.

Document everything that's happening. Make a formal, written complaint to the school. Insist on a safety plan and a MASH referral for your DD and the boy that's hurting her. Ultimately it will help your DC and the other boy too. They will need tons of evidence to get him an EHCP and an appropriate school place elsewhere.

My experience is that you just need to follow school complaints procedures and don't let up until they have properly dealt with the issues.

We're experiencing a very similar situation to OP, our DD is now in Y2 and there is a child in her class who frequently assaults both staff and children. Our DD had to go to hospital one day because she was hit so badly with a stick in the playground, the teacher was concerned she had concussion. I'm aware of other children in the class being sent to hospital too for similar levels of violence.

Initially, we tried to explain to DD that some people have brains that work differently and these instances are not through anger, and the child doesn't know they are causing pain but we are now two years into it and in our opinion the school are making it worse. We've had multiple meeting to talk about our DD's wellbeing but we are always told the school needs everyone - including the 5 year olds - to focus on the wellbeing of this other child, in order for everyone's wellbeing to improve. I can understand the logic, to an extent but at what point do they accept the current method isn't improving anyone's wellbeing and small children are punching bags in the meantime. My DD told us this child has their own iPad in the class and spends most of their time on their iPad. Surely excessive screen time isn't benefitting anyone's wellbeing, we get the impression the issue is more down to lack of resources and staff education on the situation and it's causing a negative environment for all the children and the class teacher

Exactly! Yes I'll lose my yearly salary to home school and then lose my house... idiots

😂Raise your own child !

He’s not being a nuisance, he has physically assaulted OPs 4 year old three times and she has said her daughter is being targeted and things are escalating. Yes, sad for the boy he has issues but the little girls physical safety is more important.

There but for the grace of God.

So many people in this thread should utterly ashamed of themselves. Walk a mile in the shoes of parent with a child with ASN, most of you couldn't deal with a fraction of what we are.

The child has a disability; it's not just as simple as get them a specialist placement/ home school. If only it were. I am fortunate my child has 1:1 support in mainstream and is thriving (he outperforms all other children in his class academically but he is massively behind in social and communication skills). It's a work in progress and we have amazing, supportive staff.

There are posters on here calling SEN/ ASN parents selfish for not home schooling... WOW!! Reminds me so much of the bigoted comments some mums at our school gates have made. I'm truly sickened by your narrow-minded views.

no not advocating nothing
advocating health and wellbeing trumps eduction
therefore remove the perpetrator for health and wellbeing of others
and then work out how best to manage for the health and wellbeing of the disabled child
not OK for kids to get assaulted in the interim

I like to think that when we give him Calpol, we’re making him more autistic.

You homeschooling your kids then? Not about raising them its about every child having access to an education!

Mock all you want buzzy bee but the top and bottom of it is I would never send my child to school knowing they are causing physical harm to another, SEN or not.

In terms of your rather strange leg comment no I cant regrow a limb but there is a modern invention known as prosthesis, but I’m sure you’ll find a reason why that wouldn’t be feasible either…

She is! Using the same statutory right to an education that you are.

Noone cares about your house when their child is being assaulted daily.

Everything is down to lack of resources, you are right.

You need to advocate for your child. It's your job to protect them and act on their behalf. You have to highlight concerns for your child's safety. The teachers at my daughters school encouraged me to complain because SLT were not listening to her concerns. Parents needed to complain. It wasn't about anyone verses the child. I wanted my child safe but they were failing the other child as well. That child needed support and interventions. Without my pressure and the pressure from other parents the school wasn't putting their resources into supporting them.

In my school parents regularly physically fight. I've never know anything like it in my life. Parents punching each other in the playground in front of their kids. The school has a behaviour management issue but it also has a leadership issue.

Adults. Adults calling a 4 year old assholes.

If I overheard someone in a playground calling my kid a dick, I’d teach him how to kick them myself.

I wouldn’t tbf, because he knows. But my point stands.

Agree with this and well done for being your child advocate.

Some parents expect public chastisement, which really doesn’t work well with some ND children and can escalate an already horrendous situation.

If the discussion proves anything it shows how broken the system is in this country. I wonder if Brigit Phillipson reads these threads?

Parents of SEN children that I know have almost as much trauma as their children. Financial stress added to the stress of parenting, because their child does end up excluded or refusing school. Endless battles with the local authority, who it seems almost universally are either incompetent, deceitful, negligent or simply don’t have the money to cover the level of need that exists. I agree with pp who have pointed this out, people who don’t have the experience with the system (and I’m lucky to have only witnessed it, not had to deal with it myself) have no real idea quite how broken and unfit for purpose it is.

If my child was beating the shit out of another child I wouldn’t send them to a school that obviously wasn’t meeting their needs. One of their parents would take care of them at home . Isn’t that what anyone else would do ? Do parents really send their child into a mainstream school willingly, knowing they are extremely distressed to the point they are lashing out at their peers ?

Where did op say beating the shit out of? Im sure she said her dd was hit with a bottle.... you must be loaded then if you can afford not to work. And why should the sen child suffer a below par education and socialising? Where's the fairness in that?

The reality is that they often end up is residential care or a psychiatric ward but they don’t end up in prison.

Why are you resorting to insults? Are parents not allowed to be concerned for their child’s safety ?