Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

Home education is always an option

It doesn't hurt my child any less if your child didn't make a DELIBERATE decision to punch them.

I would push for the boy to be removed. If he’s being aggressive to your dd, then it’s pretty likely that he will be the same with other children in the class. Your dd and the rest of the class can’t be sacrificed on the alter of his needs being met at all costs. If his mum and the school allow him to continue like this, what will happen when he leaves school in 12 years,without having had boundaries? People in the work place aren’t going to tolerate being attacked. He’ll just end up in prison.

Go for it if you're not happy with the mainstream schooling your getting.

It isn't a separate discussion if multiple people are bringing it up or acting like you can just rock up to a SEN school and enrol your child there as if it is so easy.

He is there because there is no other place to go and if his parents willingly take him out of education, the LA will no longer be obliged to provide him with a school place, mainstream or otherwise so as OP is doing what is best for her child, the parent of the SEN child also has to do what is best for them.

Will you come and educate? Because I need to earn a living.

JFC

This thread is something else!

WTAF

Focus on what the child is doing to your child and your child only. Everything else is none of your business and up to the school to manage (I.e pressing the intercom etc) or the parents of other children who are being hurt etc.

YANBU at all. I’m autistic and also have autistic children.

whilst im sure the behaviours are not out of malice, it’s obvious that the school isn’t able to meet this boy’s needs if he is injuring other children and nothing is being done to put measures in place to keep your daughter safe.

I would personally look for another, smaller school. Especially if your little girl is ND herself. This will be even more traumatising for her.

It can take years for a SEN child to get a place in a special school.

Appropriate educational setting

hopefully the mum of the violent kid is shouting from the rooftops about his behaviour as much as the mum of the victim -

what u looking for as a response ??
ok, no place available in specialist education, so let’s carry on with the violent kid in mainstream lashing out ?? Nope

you / I are covered by legislation that means we aren’t expected to tolerate assaults

but if I’m 4, at school, and the perpetrator is accessing his education, then I am not protected by law ??? Nope, not on. Remove the risk.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Yet again the mum is 'allowing' his behaviour. No one on this thread has held his father responsible.

Are you wishing SEN on the OP’s child. That’s really shitty, you should be ashamed.

Phone NSPCC
Your daughter has a right to safe at school.

This in spades

And autistic children end up in prison? What the fuck?

YABU to want to talk to the mum (she's not there or responsible for him at school, there's a grand sum of fuck all she can do from home about it, your also BU to want to have him excluded, nobody should want anyone else excluded from getting an education, it's a basic human right.

You are however NBU to expect your daughter to be able to access the education that she also is entitled to, free from risk and actual harm. And that is on the school. He doesn't need to be expelled, but he does clearly need additional support, someone to identify what aspects of the classroom environment he is finding challenging and find ways to mitigate that so he is more regulated and to help him thrive and access his education. I'm not expecting them to have cracked that in 4 weeks, but I would expect that if he is harming others that he has additional classroom/1:1 support to keep him and others safe either until he settles, or permanently. It may be that steps are already underway to resource this, it's not something they can do overnight, but your beef needs to be with the school for failing to adequately safeguard your child, not with the boy/mother

Ah op. I moved countries 😂

So my youngest had issues at her primary in London. I asked multiple times for them to do something about it but as you know, they didn't. Two years passed, quite miserably.
My eldest was attacked once by a child in her class that regularly attacks, but she's a bit more fiesty than my youngest so it seemed to have been a one time thing.

There was an autistic child attacking my youngest in the country I am in now. I approached the teacher. I shit you not, the behaviour stopped within 2 days. Completely. We have had zero issues since. My mind was blown, two years of suffering vs 2 days for them to sort it.

I honestly have low/no expectations for the UK system to help you here op. Sorry what you're going through, my heart broke almost daily sending my youngest to school. There were days she didn't go and I was secretly happy when she had the flu or a cold and I could keep her home. But angry at the same time that she deserved to go to school and be safe. My goodness memories coming back, one time I got called in because she got pushed into something and had a head injury which was many hours in a&e for me. No repercussions for the child that pushed her, well op, you know the drill. Wild.

It turns she does so I tried to a bit more supportive!!!!!

Prison?! Again, he's four.

oh you know what has been consistently shown to increase a child's chances of ending up in the criminal justice system though? (Even when controlling for a range of factors including behaviour) - exclusion from school.

As a teacher I find this thread depressing, but particularly this attitude.

It's not up to parents to "push for removal" of students from class thank god.

Yeah he probably will move into an appropriate setting. Or get the support he needs in this one to prevent those violent outbursts.

It just might be when he’s 87 years old because LAs don’t like parting with money if they don’t “have to.”

In the meantime, he can’t be off rolled from the school or excluded for being autistic. His parents might home educate, or they might not because they don’t have to.

So looks like we’re back to square 0!

Hi OP, I'm sorry yo are going through this. Just my own experience which very closely mirrors yours except other classmates were also being injured.
First the headteacher required evidence, so I kept a spreadsheet on date of injury, action the school took and resulting injury to my DS with photos. Everytime an injury was added, I sent an updated copy to the Head and head of Governers.
The school has a responsibility to keep your daughter safe. Personally, my DS's school could not allocate one to one support for the instigating child until funding was granted by way of a statement. I was fortunate enough to be able to work part time so along with other parent's offered to help volunteer in the classroom so the TA could manage the child.
At times, when the instigating child was particularly violent and on successive days (eg. stabbing other children with pencils), the Head was able to suspend the child for 'time out' for a week or so.
When the finance came through we were able to withdraw our volunteering.

It's not taking paracetamol in pregnancy. See, it is all your fault.

I have a child that has been exactly like this 4 year old op.

I have also been that parent that have begged for help and support from every single professional out there.

My child has autism,adhd, and a tic disorder, he still drinks from a babys bottle and is 11 next week.

He now sits in a room with me and his 1 to 1 for an hour a day with no peer interaction.
I am sitting with him as if I leave, he will become distressed, which then can lead to violent behaviour.
Not because he means it, but he is so scared to be there without me that it triggers him.
I have no life because I am with him, and of course, he is my child, so he is my responsibility.

I do not condone his behaviour now or in the past, and I have done my best to support him and the school.
He should not be there. He has an EHCP, which states that, but still, his mainstream school gets written in his plan!
Which the school and I have been fighting to get sorted.
If I off roll him, the little bit of support we do get will be taken away.

I'm not sticking up for his parents as I do not know the situation, and all children should feel safe at school, so the school should be making sure that happens regardless of the situation.

I just wanted you to know that not all children's parents are quietly letting this happen and most are just as annoyed at this shitty system as you and a lot of the parents on this thread are.