Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

I am not shocked that a child may be so disabled that they cannot comprehend behaviour and consequence -

I am shocked that adults believe that such a child with no capacity to learn to moderate their behaviour because they are utterly unaware as said the post that I quoted, is suitable for mainstream class - just because no suitable alternative provision is available at this time, does not mean that they should be allowed into an environment where they perpetrate violence

Tell me you know NOTHING about SEND withought telling us,, oops you just did. What a stupid comment.

OP I have been in your shoes as a Mum and also in the shoes of the other parent.

My son is autistic. At nursery and at school he was bitten and hit…on rare occasions. On other rare occasions he did the biting (once) and hitting (more than once). However he was in a big school with lots of challenges.

Your little one has the right to be safe and you need to be talking with the school about keeping her safe.

You sound lovely as you have acknowledged more than once that he has difficulties. It may even be that his mum has chosen this school because of its small size.

However, that doesn’t mean your child should be at risk. The school will need to put in much closer supervision around this child. My son’s infant school was amazing for this …well before he was issued with a Statement of SEN (what they used before EHCPs) they were funding 1-1 hours to provide supervision and support in less structured times like lunch and playground. It kept my son safe and importantly it prevented issues like hitting other children because he felt threatened,

My son did eventually attend a special school but it took forever to get the education people to agree he needed this. It’s wrong but it takes events like this for education to sit up and take notice that a child is struggling in mainstream.

My son’s infant school did settle well in mainstream for a long time and issues with other children did not happen because he was well supported. However without that support he may have been like this boy. It’s not fair to your daughter though, she should not feel scared about school.

This post nails it. Don't let them fob you off - the school has a duty of care to your child too, the fact that they are not providing adequate supervision is entirely their problem to solve, NOT your daughters to tolerate

You need to record reach incident. You need to record the date, what happened, who informed you, take photos of any injuries, what your daughter told you when you got home, what is the impact on her. Is it impacting how she feels about school or her sleep ect.
You need to complain in writing. Anything verbal isn't worth the paper it is written on. You need to quote the every child matters agenda.Be healthy, Stay safe, Enjoy and achieve, Make a positive contributionAchieve economic well-being. Your child is unable to be safe and enjoy and achieve.Ask for a written response. If your unhappy follow the complaint procedure. Arm yourself with the SEN policy, anti bullying policy. Read them and highlight where the school is failing and add it into your complaint. I did all of this repeatedly from nursery to year 2.

The class got an additional TA

Where should they go then that meets the legal requirement to educate them?

Wet wipe parents.

Wet wipe parents.

You try instilling boundaries in a child that doesn’t give a shit about them. Try disciplining a child who doesn’t understand anything beyond their own impulses.

Do that on 3hrs sleep. And then come back and tell us all how much of a wet wipe you are.

It's totally on the policy makers heads that this situation has even arisen. Inclusion only works where behaviour isn't the problem. Although at 4 neither child is legally required to be there. The boy could certainly be removed until the term after 5. I understand the OP entirely. Whilst having empathy for the boys family it is not the OPs problem, particularly when his difficulties are subject to confidentiality.
Even 30 years ago I came across this, in my case mum was vocal in the playground, but school threw the confidentiality line. I just said, I could be involved in trying to help the situation with knowledge or confidentiality meant that he was a brat and I would be kicking up a almighty fuss. Funnily, they changed their tune, school, mum and I had a meeting and we worked together to ensure boy was redirected. Boy and DD eventually became friends until school leaving.

I'll add my experience in case it's useful (although I suspect it's not).

In preschool my son was hit (because he was in the way) and kicked in the head (accidental; Violent Child was being removed from a play area by an adult and suddenly lashed out). He attacked almost every child at the nursery, most worse than mine.

The nursery didn't expel him, but told the parents and LA that they were unable to manage him unless he had 1:1 care, which they couldn't provide (but in fairness, they has tried). The parents declined to provide it, the LA wouldn't pay for it, and the nursery leader stood firm. The parents removed him and put him in a Steiner school, where he thrived, apparently.

The only helpful bit here is that this is an example of a great reaction from the staff. They put as much in place as they could, had endless patience with all affected (even the completely disengaged parents) and ultimately made sure the kids were safe. Good luck, OP.

I don't anyone is disagreeing that is is the school responsibility to manage. They need to provide a 1:1 TA.

I say this as the mother of an autistic child and a teacher of SEN students with challenging behaviours-

… report it and report it as safeguarding. Expelling this boy will not help him. I know as a mother you are thinking of your daughter , and I understand that , it’s not for you to decide if he’s expelled anyway so I know it’s not me convincing you to say you don’t want him expelled . Expelling him labels him as naughty and this is the problem . It’s highly likely it’s not done with intent, its communication - this does not mean it’s acceptable for this to happen to your daughter and yes he needs to understand this is not right but I doubt the issue is that he’s doing it to cause pain - autistic individuals do not usually have what we call theory of mind, which is the ability to think of others feelings so this also means that no he cannot think “ she will be hurt so I won’t do it “ it also means he will struggle to think “ this will hurt her so I will do it “ .

He is clearly not in the right setting for him and he has hurt your daughter 3 times now , that is a safeguarding issue. This needs to be raised as such to support him getting what he needs - which is a setting that can not only keep him safe but keep others safe too. This school clearly is not that. He deserves an education where he is safe , yes, but so does your daughter.

Sadly, I see a lot that parents either do not know how to handle their child’s need as they have never had support or they are not correcting / knowing how to correct. I do not know if speaking to the parent would help. Me as the parent of an autistic child, I would do my best to work with my child and try to teach boundaries if it was possible ( which it is ) but I see quite regularly that there are parents out there who have the attitude that the world should revolve around their child’s needs and to an extent I agree it should be adapted but we cannot let neurotypical children be left to have to deal with these things , they are children too .

Please push this further and emphasise on safeguarding .

As I put above, my autistic son with a speech and language age of 12 MONTHS and violent tendencies went into mainstream school for reception. No other option. It then took 2 YEARS for his EHCP to go through for him to get a 1-to-1 TA. He is 9 now and still not in a special school, despite plenty of fighting for a place.
I have met so so many parents who are absolutely desperate for a special school place and cannot get one despite pouring all their energy in.

Thankfully my DS school supported and supervised him well in the first couple of years so his meltdowns were managed and violence to others wasn’t an issue.

But there was literally nothing I could. I don’t think people who have never parented a child with this level of SEN have a clue.

I hate to tell you this, but with 10 years under my belt and experience of 4 schools and having had to move schools twice because of violence, there has never, ever been the sort of thing you describe in schools which are even vaguely competent. So you have yourself a school problem, and a head problem - not a child problem or even another parent problem.

At school I was hit really hard by someone having an epileptic fit. Should my parents have pushed for them to be expelled?

She is right and so are you to an extent. The child doesn't understand his actions and yes he probably shouldn't be in a mainstream school, but that is why we have specialist education. The problem here isn't about deciding whose rights trump the others, but that there isn't enough of the right educational provision to meet our children's needs.

These threads go round in circles and despite people with experience informing other posters of what autism is and how difficult it is to get support and school places, it just falls on deaf ears because deep down these people just want to have a strong opinion about anything and everything.

The solution is going to the school and asking why the child doesn't have a 1 to 1 or a plan put in place, not deciding which four year old gets the shit end of the stick.

If it was that easy

I think this is a really useful comment and a great example of how staff should react . The school were honest and said they could not meet the child’s needs - it also highlights the massive failures where the LA are not providing what the child needs

That’s a service deficit issue - a separate discussion

just because there isn’t a suitable place currently, does mean other kids are collateral damage

He’s four ffs

My quite other kid quite likes football - hopefully poster can just sort them a premier league. Which reminds we there are more premier league footballers in the UK than there are specialists in the field we needed.

Not a mainstream school !

Where else does the child go for their education then? Surely youre not suggesting a child not be allowed in any school and be discriminated against?

It’s not a separate issue. You want them out of the environment - where to?

It’s not the mum’s fault. She may not be shrugging her shoulders and doing nothing. The fact that she doesn’t do anything about the buzzer doesn’t mean she doesn’t parent. It might mean she knows to pick her battles and focus on the big issues. I assume the school will be keeping her updated. I hope so anyway.

Many of us would love that. Now we cut the mainsteam budgets and build more specialist school. That would make everyone happy.

Stop feeding the ,... !