Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

It would be lazy parenting not to.

Primary schools with SEN hubs are very rare. If you can find one, then they only take a few children - nnowhere near enough to meet the need that there is

I know the cure for autism really. I’m just not telling my son it because he doesn’t deserve it.

As a single parent my choice was send DD to school and have roof over our head and food on the table, or become homeless.

DD self harmed rather than attacking others. But the school turned that into her fault because others witnessed her self harm, which wasn't fair on them. No concern for DD's distress at school, which led to the self harm. No acknowledgement that I told them for the first couple of years that DD was trying to comply academically, so punishing her for failing wasn't going to improve her performance.

I read this and didn’t want to run without saying anything. OP, this must be so awful for you, I have a 4 yr old DD who’s just started school and I’d be full of anxiety if this was happening to her. It’s been hard enough trying to get her started at school as it is.

I do wonder about all these comments about this being disability discrimination. I completely get that excluding people because of disability is not ok. But in a work place or society in general you have to make reasonable adjustments, not accept acts of violence. Why should a school be any different? Imagine how terrifying it is to be assaulted on a regular occasion and have no way out. It isn’t acceptable or right as an adult or child.

We didn't have SEN problems until our son was in year 4 then it kicked all off. My husband is an SEN specialist so was right on it, as soon as symptons because visible. But those who children yet shown any ND signs and had to yet fight the system should thank their lucky stars. We have the knowledge and resources to do it. Many don't.

Clearly you don’t understand autism, so perhaps best not to comment!

oP sound an hysterical type, assault, safeguarding! If she’s really not happy remove her child, I’m sure there are plenty of good private schools in her area!

It is.
Safeguarding comes first.
We can't make 29 4 year olds unsafe to appease you.
Other people's children are not collateral damage.
His disability is irrelevant because it can't excuse putting children at risk of harm.
Most disabled children don't harm other kids.

Focus on your daughter. Book an urgent meeting with the headteacher and ask what they are putting in place to keep her safe. You’re clearly a strong advocate for her (as you should be) so I’m confident you’ll be able to work with the school to find a solution. It’s very likely that there’s already a lot of work happening in the background to get the right support in place for this other child.

That said, I’d really encourage you to avoid making assumptions about him and his mother. I appreciate that it’s a very difficult and emotional time for you, but it won’t help in the long run.

No one has said it is acceptable

HTH

And good luck getting a place. Its like the SEN place lottery. Only if your child does something really absolutely crazy like tries to burn the school down or hang themselves will you get an instant referral.

A school isn't any different. They are legally obliged to support this child so that they don't dysregulated and have melt down. The school needs to the resources into getting a TA to support. No different to if a blind child needed a TA to support.

Utterly unaware of his actions ???

literally no ability to understand behaviours and consequences ??

then a child of such cognitive incapacity cannot be in a school environment - for their own and others safety

if would be utter fuckwittery to expect that to be acceptable

Laughing at the idea that parents can ‘sort out a SEN school’ for their DC! People literally have NO clue, do they?

But OP totally agree this is not acceptable and a really crappy situation all round. Clearly the school need to meet needs better and there’s obviously a supervision issue. I hope you manage to get sorted.

Yes, so he needs to learn NOW that violence has meaningful consequences. Otherwise the behaviour gets to be a habit and ingrained as a way of responding, and soon you have a child or a teen or a young man who is big enough to do someone real damage, who hasn’t learnt not to attack.

And the victim is also four. And ND. And being attacked in a place she should be safe could well result in her entire school experience being ruined and have profound consequences for her whole life. Why should one child be allowed to do that to another? No effective consequences does actually show this little girl that she and her pain and trauma are unimportant, acceptable collateral damage for this other child.

I don’t know what effective consequences would be, but they can’t wait five years to find something that works.

This poster clearly doesn't understand autism. They think it is caused by parenting. Probably the sort of person that believes Trump that is was caused by paracetamol in pregnancy.,

The thing that is more odd is the OP doesn't seem to under autism despite saying her daughter is an on ND Pathway.

I guess im fortunate my ds is in the right setting. That's not always available sadly. You seem shocked that a child may not be aware of their actions? Maybe youre best not commenting on something you don't understand?

It always absolutely blows my mind how people think SENd parents should “just” take their child out of school, or schools should “just” exclude a child or “just” teach them to cope.

There is no “just.”

If there was an easy way out of this, trust me we’d have all hunted it down by now.

Maybe then we’d “just” not get bitten or scratched every day, or “just” teach our kids to talk, “just” toilet train them, “just” tell them to behave and then “just” get some sleep.

There are far too many people who pass judgment on a situation that they absolutely do not understand, and are fortunate to not understand.

There are normally the same people who think people with brain tumours should just get themsevles a little job to get off benefits.

Some small schools just can’t deal with SEN effectively which means there is poor provision for the individual child whose needs aren’t being met and the rest of the class whose learning is disrupted. I moved a child in the end. The class was like crowd control and she’d been hit and hurt too many times. Sadly it can take years to get echps sorted. 3 years plus for the children in my daughter’s class. The system failed everyone unfortunately.

I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter.

She deserves to be unharmed in what is meant to be a safe environment.

I hope the school is taking this seriously and coming down really strong on this behaviour. Your daughter deserves no less, and nowhere else is it okay to be assaulting others.

The ignorance is outstanding.

Autism is NOT an excuse for violence. There is no excuse for violence, and this ridiculous “I can’t do anything about it because he has SEN and anyone who thinks otherwise knows nothing about SEN” is getting tiresome. I have Asperger’s so I’m in a pretty good position to know what I’m talking about.
The child is in a mainstream school and it is absolutely unacceptable to be violent towards other pupils. Parenting a child with SEN is tough, but it doesn’t give someone the get-out card when it comes to discipline. SEN children can (and have been for many years before this new generation of wet wipe parents came along) be disciplined, but it’s up to the parents to work out the best way to achieve this with their child.
Me and countless others, are sick of SEN being an excuse. It’s getting absolutely out of control and I can only see it getting worse.

https://www.gov.uk/school-behaviour-exclusions/exclusions

If you read this you'll see that the school cannot expell the child because their needs aren't being met, this would be disability discrimination. You've already stated that the child has autism and there has been multiple incidents. The school should have putt a 1:1 in place as a reasonable adjustment.

The school is at fault in this situation. They should be telling the LA that they cannot meet his needs and the funding put into place. This can be done prior to an ehcpna/ ehcp but due to costs.....

The child has a legal right to education and the parents have a legal right to have that in mainstream if needs can be met with provision and that is what they want.

I wouldn't approach the other parents at all. I would take it up with the school and only deal with ensuring provision is in place so that your daughter doesn't get hurt. I would create a paper trail. If you request anything in regards to moving or expelling the other child you would look like you're picking on him and if the school react to your demands, it could be used as further evidence as disability discrimination.

The paper trail may show up in the future and could actually help the other family to secure provision if you keep the details factual and unemotional.

The problem is he may not have any understanding of action and consequences yet. My autistic son had a speech and language age of 12 months old when he entered mainstream reception. He could be violent too but it was literally like trying to teach right and wrong to a 12-month-old… I’m sure even the amazing non-lazy parents would struggle with that!

I completely agree it’s not acceptable for OPs DD to experience to this at school. Luckily it wasn’t an issue with my DS as the school adequately supported and supervised him until the 2-year wait finished for his EHCP and designated 1-to-1 came into place. He needs a special school but that won’t materialise until secondary despite lots of fighting for a place.

The answer here is for better support and supervision. Ideally a special school place but that’s unlikely to happen. The parent and child don’t need any kind of ‘punishment’.