Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Autistic child attacking DD

1000 replies

HollandAndCooper · 02/10/2025 16:25

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

OP posts:
Kirbert2 · 02/10/2025 19:27

jellyfish2121 · 02/10/2025 19:23

Sorry your daughter is going through this OP, it isn't fair at all on the other kids. I see it happening regularly, these children should have 1 to 1 support adult with them at all times or be taken to the SEN building if your school has one. It's the other children like your dd who need safeguarding from such children. Parents know from before school age when their ND child has such problems and should get things sorted in place or have them in a SEN school BEFORE reception, not years later when they've already hurt numerous kids & school staff!

That just isn't how it works though. It isn't up to the parent to decide that their child belongs in a SEN school, it's up to the LA who often say that there is no evidence a child can't cope in mainstream if they've never actually tried mainstream.

Years later is often when the LA finally agrees to a SEN school after years of battling and appeals from the parents as well as a space finally coming up.

Bumdrops · 02/10/2025 19:28

Balloonhearts · 02/10/2025 19:24

This! Tell her to hit back as hard as she can. If the school won't protect her, she has every right to defend herself. If a grown man came up to me in the street and hit me, I wouldn't care if he had autism, someone attacks you, you bloody fight back! He isn't her responsibility nor should he be her priority. Her own safety is.

Show quote history

Utter garbage
a four year old girl being expected to go bare knuckle with a far bigger (OP’s report) boy who regularly doles out violence and aggression ….

Tuesdayschild50 · 02/10/2025 19:29

I'd be angry and upset at this 3 x times is out of order .
The school definitely needs to do a safeguarding.
This isn't on so early on in your daughters school years .
Much more needs to be done you are not unreasonable.
I would talk to the parents aswell as the school I'm afraid .. why should they not be made aware by yourself .

beautyqueeen · 02/10/2025 19:29

Bumblebee72 · 02/10/2025 19:23

And if your child develops SEN you want them kicked to home educate too?

Show quote history

If my child has SEN I would have sought out a school that could deal with their needs, if a special school wasn’t available then one with a SEN hub within a mainstream.

I wouldn’t keep my child in a school where they are a danger to other children, that would be hugely selfish so if that meant home ed then yes.

Floogal · 02/10/2025 19:29

Without knowing the extent of his ASD, why is he going for your DD? I may be wrong, but he could be lashing out at her if she is bullying him

Crochetandtea · 02/10/2025 19:30

MissIonX · 02/10/2025 19:12

I'm amazed at some of these comments.

Of course he shouldn't be excluded. Would you exclude a child with down syndrome; with cancer; with a physical disability that other children found upsetting??

Your focus is on the wrong thing. It's not the little boys fault, the school should be doing better to manage his meltdowns and his inability to communicate in a "normal" way. Actions are communication. He is not gunning for your little girl or focusing on her. You make it sound like it's a deliberate choice the child is making.

School need to do better at managing the situation and rightly raised that.

Stay away from the mother with your judgement she has enough to deal with. I know, I have a son just like that little boy. I am crushed when I get a call to say he's bitten someone, or pinched someone, but my question is always why isn't his support worker there; why did the school not intervene sooner. He has tells for when he's getting overwhelmed, they're just not intervening soon enough.

Show quote history

I would exclude any child regardless of disability if they are being violent to other children. Are you honestly saying that a diagnosis of asd or an extra chromosome gives you the right to be violent. Seriously ?

Baital · 02/10/2025 19:30

jellyfish2121 · 02/10/2025 19:23

Sorry your daughter is going through this OP, it isn't fair at all on the other kids. I see it happening regularly, these children should have 1 to 1 support adult with them at all times or be taken to the SEN building if your school has one. It's the other children like your dd who need safeguarding from such children. Parents know from before school age when their ND child has such problems and should get things sorted in place or have them in a SEN school BEFORE reception, not years later when they've already hurt numerous kids & school staff!

Are you serious?

Please provide your contact details, as so many parents would love to get proper provision in place for their child with SEN before starting school. If you can fix that for them you are a miracle worker!

You could earn a lot of money as well. Why not give up your current job and charge consultancy fees?

Because there are a lot of parents out there who want their child to have provision to meet their needs. If you can make that happen you can charge huge amounts.

CurtsyFriends · 02/10/2025 19:30

I really feel for your poor daughter. I was a little girl being bullied by boys in primary school, one boy in particular. My poor Mum was in and out a lot speaking to teachers and the head teacher had the audacity to say “Little Jimmy is very intelligent. He will do well for the school and its reputation. Your daughter won’t even pass her 11+ exams”. So my parents promptly removed me from the school and put me in another where I flourished, passed my 11+, common entrance exams, all my GCSEs, A Levels and then uni.

It isn’t nice to worry about going into school each day and these experiences will stay with her for life.

Bumblebee72 · 02/10/2025 19:30

beautyqueeen · 02/10/2025 19:29

If my child has SEN I would have sought out a school that could deal with their needs, if a special school wasn’t available then one with a SEN hub within a mainstream.

I wouldn’t keep my child in a school where they are a danger to other children, that would be hugely selfish so if that meant home ed then yes.

Show quote history

A primary school with a SEN Hub? I think you live the land of the unicorns.

Helplessandheartbroke · 02/10/2025 19:31

swonby · 02/10/2025 18:49

Really? Let's think.
Distract her child, speak to her child, hold them firmly by the hand, have them on a lead if they can't be trusted to bolt, bring a books, leave letter and arrive on the dot.

Do social stories to teach her child to cope with transitions, positive reinforcement for appropriate behaviour, practice lining up at home using role play, teach a replacement behaviour, like holding a fidget toy.

This mum is disengaged, maybe autistic too, maybe on drugs or depressed.

Ideally the school would support them and there should be a community of SEN parents helping each other.

As it is it's anti social behaviour making everyone miserable.

Show quote history

Have their child on a lead??? Are you for real??? Secondly the mum was not there

Baital · 02/10/2025 19:31

beautyqueeen · 02/10/2025 19:29

If my child has SEN I would have sought out a school that could deal with their needs, if a special school wasn’t available then one with a SEN hub within a mainstream.

I wouldn’t keep my child in a school where they are a danger to other children, that would be hugely selfish so if that meant home ed then yes.

Show quote history

You don't need to go out to work?

WalnutsAndFigs · 02/10/2025 19:31

Baital · 02/10/2025 19:14

Then parents raise it every time. With the school leadership, with the LA (if they are lucky enough to have a school managed by tbe LA), with their MP.

Their child has the right to feel safe at school. No one us disputing that.

Show quote history

Have you read the experiences of parents on this thread who have advocated for their children over the course of months and years? The current system's wheels turn very slowly and in the meantime children are being punched and kicked.

I'm glad we agree that children have the right to feel safe at school. So why after the first assault happens is a second assault allowed to occur? The third? The tenth? The fiftieth assault? How is that not giving children the implicit message that violence is to be tolerated from some children?

If the violent child's needs cannot be met inside school immediately to a degree that is sufficient to stop them harming their peers, then they should not be around other children untill their needs can be met.

beautyqueeen · 02/10/2025 19:32

Bumblebee72 · 02/10/2025 19:30

A primary school with a SEN Hub? I think you live the land of the unicorns.

Show quote history

Nope i live here and there are such provisions should one seek to find them! My friends child is in one and thriving, open your mind buzzy bee.

SleeplessInWherever · 02/10/2025 19:32

Crochetandtea · 02/10/2025 19:30

I would exclude any child regardless of disability if they are being violent to other children. Are you honestly saying that a diagnosis of asd or an extra chromosome gives you the right to be violent. Seriously ?

Show quote history

Would you? Are you a head teacher?

As I’ve said previously. Excluding 4 year olds with special needs is no mean feat. Doing it without following the proper channels is illegal. It’s very easily contested if they’re not meeting need (as in, he doesn’t have a 1:1).

The school can’t just exclude him. You’d know that if you worked in one.

Toofficeornot · 02/10/2025 19:33

Prople commenting the boy should be removed asap, have clearly never had experience with the SEN system.

I know a couple of kids who actually have EHCP plans and a diagnosis and the schools have said upon application they can not meet the needs of the child, where the council have then vetoed and overridden and said the school must take them anyway, as they do not want to fund a specialist place. From there, they are stuck in the school that can not meet their needs and it takes about two years of the school building a case file and evidence to get them moved. If the child is pulled out of school by the parent the parent is referred to social services etc. Jf tou try and home ed and can not meet their needs you fail and social services are back in. If you pul them out then they come off the lists for specialist places

It takes a really really long time to get a SEN kid a placement if they are already in mainstream. As there are not enough placements.
And people saying the school should deal with it better have clearly never visited a small village school that has zero facilities for anything other than 20 kids a year sitting quietly and not doing anything unusual.
I would hazard a guesd the school and parent of the child are overwhelmed and stuck with not many avenues, resources or pathways to support this child or find him an alternative setting.

Bumblebee72 · 02/10/2025 19:33

Baital · 02/10/2025 19:30

Are you serious?

Please provide your contact details, as so many parents would love to get proper provision in place for their child with SEN before starting school. If you can fix that for them you are a miracle worker!

You could earn a lot of money as well. Why not give up your current job and charge consultancy fees?

Because there are a lot of parents out there who want their child to have provision to meet their needs. If you can make that happen you can charge huge amounts.

Show quote history

As if all children with SEN show signs before starting school. Some people live in Cuckooland.

Bumblebee72 · 02/10/2025 19:34

SleeplessInWherever · 02/10/2025 19:32

Would you? Are you a head teacher?

As I’ve said previously. Excluding 4 year olds with special needs is no mean feat. Doing it without following the proper channels is illegal. It’s very easily contested if they’re not meeting need (as in, he doesn’t have a 1:1).

The school can’t just exclude him. You’d know that if you worked in one.

Show quote history

It they did they would in court pretty fast.

beautyqueeen · 02/10/2025 19:34

Baital · 02/10/2025 19:31

You don't need to go out to work?

Show quote history

My career wouldn’t come before some innocent child being attacked by my child because I put them in a school that cannot meet their needs.

AgnesMcDoo · 02/10/2025 19:34

beautyqueeen · 02/10/2025 19:29

If my child has SEN I would have sought out a school that could deal with their needs, if a special school wasn’t available then one with a SEN hub within a mainstream.

I wouldn’t keep my child in a school where they are a danger to other children, that would be hugely selfish so if that meant home ed then yes.

Show quote history

If only that was how things work.

parents don’t get to ‘sort out places’ like this.

MissIonX · 02/10/2025 19:35

Crochetandtea · 02/10/2025 19:30

I would exclude any child regardless of disability if they are being violent to other children. Are you honestly saying that a diagnosis of asd or an extra chromosome gives you the right to be violent. Seriously ?

Show quote history

I am saying that it requires more consideration because it is not a DELIBERATE choice by the child.

Thankfully the head teacher at my child's school is much more understanding and will say that little Johnny who is neurotypical and regularly lashing out is a bigger problem than the likes of my child who is ND and has lashed out in a moment of being unable to regulate. Both need support, but one is making a conscious decision to be mean.

Bumblebee72 · 02/10/2025 19:36

AgnesMcDoo · 02/10/2025 19:34

If only that was how things work.

parents don’t get to ‘sort out places’ like this.

Show quote history

I'm sure this poster if their child lost a leg would sort a new one.

Algen · 02/10/2025 19:36

Floogal · 02/10/2025 19:29

Without knowing the extent of his ASD, why is he going for your DD? I may be wrong, but he could be lashing out at her if she is bullying him

Is there nothing people can’t twist round to be the fault of anyone but the aggressor?

Helplessandheartbroke · 02/10/2025 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SleeplessInWherever · 02/10/2025 19:36

Bumblebee72 · 02/10/2025 19:34

It they did they would in court pretty fast.

Show quote history

Absolutely.

Just a load of armchair SENd specialists with no actual clue about how to PEX a child, and when definitely not to.

Kirbert2 · 02/10/2025 19:37

beautyqueeen · 02/10/2025 19:34

My career wouldn’t come before some innocent child being attacked by my child because I put them in a school that cannot meet their needs.

Show quote history

How about feeding your child? Them having a home? clothes?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread