Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

I started teaching around the time that specialist provision settings were being closed in the name of inclusion. I now work in a specialist provision. Our learners are nearly all autistic and suffering the effects of trauma, burnout, and anxiety.

The thing is, inclusion can work and should be the first choice for children who are deaf, blind, have physical differences and disabilities- as well as some children who are neurodivergent.

But for other neurodivergent children, mainstream school can inflict real and lasting harm by not meeting their needs.

furthermore, as we see in this case, and as I have seen in previous workplaces, some children’s behaviours have led to other children within the setting being assaulted and in some cases quite badly injured. Now, while we can explain the behaviour we cannot excuse it and it does nobody any favours if we pretend that such violent behaviour, away from an educational setting, would be treated with anything other than aggression and retaliatory violence. Those kids who lash out at their peers in school may lash out at someone in a pub or a shop and they’re either going to get a kicking from a member of the public, or be restrained and arrested by the police. Both outcomes would be horrific for that young person.

Children who use violence as a means of communication have to learn as soon as they start that they just can’t respond like that. Even if they’re four, they have to be withdrawn and separated from the peer group, because as they grow the injuries they inflict can get worse and worse. I saw a girl punched in the face and another girl attacked full-body, scratched and kicked, by a boy the same age and in both cases the violence came from nowhere, no warning signs that they could have seen. The same boy also threw electronic equipment around with force enough to break it (these were all separate incidents)- staff were right there in every incident but because it was so sudden and so violent could do nothing until the assault had happened. This boy was 13 at the time and I don’t know what happened to him because I stopped working there soon after. All I know is that the lack of adequate response and consequence by the setting meant that he escalated from breaking equipment to breaking a girl’s nose because someone had done something he didn’t like.

OP I would be the same as you in your situation. Don’t speak to the mum, but do go all out to the school. Your daughter is entitled to be safe at school and it can be an Ofsted fail if children don’t feel, or are not, safe at school.

Don’t know, who is she assaulting on a near daily basis.

Like I said, that child needs feeding and many of us work.

And I’ll go back to my right to education point.

My son bit a teacher in EYFS, while he was still in mainstream. He’d been telling them
all day he was hungry, using the sign he’d been taught. Nobody had noticed.

He didn’t eat his lunch because nobody cut it up for him.

He was 5, and didn’t have the words to ask for those things. He bit her because he felt ignored, unheard, not bothered with, and didn’t have the language to do anything about it so he used the only thing he knew would get attention.

These are children you’re talking about. And for some of us, they’re our children.

Why? He has a right to education. As does the OP's daughter.

There is no reason why one of his parents should stay at home with him. Nor that the OP should keep her DD at home to protect her.

The school needs to care and protect (and educate) both children.

The parents of children with SEN don't choose that, so they shouldn't be punished.

So you think this child should be allowed to assault the little girl three times with impunity? This is totally shocking, and could easily lead to the girl becoming a school refuser if it is not resolved. The school clearly cannot cater for his needs and he needs to be excluded. I would be contacting my MP, making a direct safeguarding referral to Child Services, contacting the police and the press if my child was the subject of escalating violence which had culminated in a blow to the head, and no action was being taken. I would talk to the mother too, and make my child aware that whilst hitting back is not a good idea she can act in self defence if she needs to.

@NCJD - I don't follow your point. Because it's hard for the parents.....other children have to put up with violence?

The theme of this thread seems to be simultaneously that the school should be doing this that and other, while acknowledging that it takes months/years to get there.

I've been on both sides of this scenario and it's equally horrible whether your child is hurting someone or being hurt themselves. My son has autism and had very poor impulse control for his first year in school. He would lash out sporadically either slapping or throwing objects. We had a zero tolerance and every behaviour was met with a consequence. We had daily communication with his teacher and a plan to support him but it was a slow process. He had an sna who generally was able to block his behaviours but he still had a consequence for attempts. He hasn't been aggressive in two years. Last year another boy in his class was biting and headbutting and made contact with my son on 8 occasions and had 15 other attempts. We had a new plan to support my son after any attacks and he eventually had to move classes. You need to make contact with the school and see what support plan is available for your daughter.

Those kids who lash out at their peers in school may lash out at someone in a pub or a shop and they’re either going to get a kicking from a member of the public, or be restrained and arrested by the police.

This child is FOUR. Four. Four. Four.
four. Four.

That isn't what I meant.

I was sympathetic up to this point:

In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

You're right, you can't. Legally the boy has a right to an education and your child also has a right to being safe at school. The school has to provide both and it is upto them to ensure this. Expelling the boy is just getting rid of the problem for you but creating more issues for him.

The child may well be waiting forever to be placed in a specialist school because the SEN system is rubbish. My son did one year in a mainstream and should have been put in a special school prior to this but we had to wait twice as long for an EHCP, and THEN another 6 months to appeal to get him a specialist place (and that was with asking the courts to bring the tribunal date forward - the council didn't even inform us we could ask for this).

The mother is probably doing nothing because a) her son will likely react by doing more than pressing intercom buttons, and b) she is probably bloody worn down and unsupported by it all.

I understand you are angry, but it is an issue for the school. You can get some sort of SEN funding without an EHCP in the interim, but they probably aren't using this on the boy if they are and your child is getting hurt as a result of this. He needs a 1 to 1, so maybe ask if this is in place.

I think an immediate safeguarding action should be remove the perpetrator of violence from the classroom / playground and any situation where other children are likely to be harmed

if that can’t be addressed then the perpetrator should be removed from school for immediate risk management

then educators / parents / child require assessment of needs / plan in order for child to access education

it is not appropriate to allow children to be harmed because he is entitled to an education

for example - a person is legally entitled to travel by bus, but if they are assaulting people on the bus, they have forfeited their rights and that requires addressing.

with a child entitled to an education, that does not trump the rights of others - all rights are clearly needed to be seen in the round -

That’s an absolutely stupid comparison, feeling afraid and being physically attacked are two completely different things. But for the purpose of your example if the attacking child had cancer or downs then yes I would still want them removing! Why should any child have to suffer at the hands of another?

I couldn’t care less if the kid has SEN all I care about is my child being safe and happy at school at the age of 4! It’s disgusting, inclusivity doesn’t mean one size fits all, some places just aren’t appropriate to everyone and that includes mainstream school.

The school need to spend the money to manage the disability. In a well managed environment they may well have meltdowns Would you consider it immoral if the school had to spend thousands to enable a child in a wheelchair to access learning? Or spend thousands installing hearing loops for a deaf child? Or is just supporting children with invisible disabilities you consider immoral. This child is violent because hasn't given the right support.

If OPs daughter starts develops sensory needs where she needs TA support in quiet space - would that be an immoral use of funds?

So when the child is throwing sticks at other children what do the other parents do? I would ask the mother to ask her child to stop!
Your child has every right to be safe in school. The right to safety trumps any right to inclusativity!
I would insist a member of staff stay near your child at all times, ensuring her safety. If they carnt guarantee that then I would remove my child until the school have come up with a solution ( that wont look good on them) they will want to resolve this as soon as possible.! I would also contact ofsted and the school safeguard lead and inform them of what is happening. Make sure you back any meetings up with an email, clearly outlining your complaint so there is a trail.

And if your child develops SEN you want them kicked to home educate too?

Sorry your daughter is going through this OP, it isn't fair at all on the other kids. I see it happening regularly, these children should have 1 to 1 support adult with them at all times or be taken to the SEN building if your school has one. It's the other children like your dd who need safeguarding from such children. Parents know from before school age when their ND child has such problems and should get things sorted in place or have them in a SEN school BEFORE reception, not years later when they've already hurt numerous kids & school staff!

The school won't be able to discuss what is or isn't in place for the other child with OP. They will only be able to discuss how they are safeguarding OP's daughter.

I would be speaking to them about the possibility she or another child ends up with a serious injury and their liability in such a scenario tbh.

well it is an entitlement! It is literally a legal entitlement protected by law.

it may be a nightmare to implement and fund, and others may not agree with it.

but it is the law nonetheless.

This! Tell her to hit back as hard as she can. If the school won't protect her, she has every right to defend herself. If a grown man came up to me in the street and hit me, I wouldn't care if he had autism, someone attacks you, you bloody fight back! He isn't her responsibility nor should he be her priority. Her own safety is.

So sorry to hear that this happened to you. We had similar incident TWICE, boy who also had SEN “attacked” DD, he hit her on a face with a ruler, she had red mark right across her face. We complained to the school, they investigated blah blah nothing came out of it… the other child was made to write sorry note. It was pretty bad one - paper all crumbled up with a sorry written in the middle 🙄🙄

The boy may need a special school. Places take years.

In the meantime the school needs to protect other children. Even with an EHCP the school is supposed to provide the first £6,000 per year of funding for additional support out of their own budget. An EHCP adds funding on top of that.

No one has said that the OP's DD (or anyone else) should accept being the victim of violence

if that can’t be addressed then the perpetrator should be removed from school for immediate risk management

yes but it may very well be the case that there are lots of other ways of addressing it. Why are people assuming there aren't?

Nobody is disputing that violence shouldn't be tolerated, they are just pointing out that there may well be lots of ways of managing the situation that do not involve immediate permanent exclusion of a disabled four year old.

Im baffled as to why this message is not translating.

And this comment here is the issue. If my child was attacking children at school (which of course many SEN children do not do) I would remove them myself.

Fantastic, insightful, thoughtful post