Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

Yes, your daughter's school dealt with the bullying. They should. They have a duty of care to safeguard your daughter.
But if they hadn't of dealt with it over the course of years how would you feel? The current situation, the lack of SEN funding, the ideology of inclusion at all costs, means that children suffer at the hands of violent peers repeatedly because it's so very hard/expensive to meet the violent child's needs. We are tolerating violence with these policies

The school can't just remove him without following the procedures they are legally required to follow when it comes to children with disabilities. They can't also just leave a child without an education.

I have literally no skin in the game. 2 neurotypical kids. But they go to a school with an associated ASD base that caters for all levels of severity. I’ve seen just how hard it is for the parents of those kids and it’s barely scratching the surface of what it must be like to be those parents. But ‘little Tarquins’ (whatever the f**k that means, are you implying they are middle class brats or something?) misses the mark by miles and miles.

Well then we agree.

But it doesn't follow from that that exclusion is the only solution.

Then the law is immoral

In the meantime, he should be taken out of the school to manage the risk he poses to other children. That's where we disagree

Totally support this… as the parent of two autistic/ADHD children. The diagnosis is not an excuse for this behaviour. Mine have NEVER been aggressive and violent towards others. If this child is, he needs an alternative setting.

Excluding him from school isn't the only way to manage the risk.

Yes that's where we disagree.

I'm amazed at some of these comments.

Of course he shouldn't be excluded. Would you exclude a child with down syndrome; with cancer; with a physical disability that other children found upsetting??

Your focus is on the wrong thing. It's not the little boys fault, the school should be doing better to manage his meltdowns and his inability to communicate in a "normal" way. Actions are communication. He is not gunning for your little girl or focusing on her. You make it sound like it's a deliberate choice the child is making.

School need to do better at managing the situation and rightly raised that.

Stay away from the mother with your judgement she has enough to deal with. I know, I have a son just like that little boy. I am crushed when I get a call to say he's bitten someone, or pinched someone, but my question is always why isn't his support worker there; why did the school not intervene sooner. He has tells for when he's getting overwhelmed, they're just not intervening soon enough.

It affects kids differently I suppose. I don't think mine will attack when he starts primary school next year but if he can't express his frustration (we are still on one words and waiting for assessment) then who knows? I can imagine the frustration of not being able to communicate though.

For goodness sake. And go where.

Many SENd parents work, we have lives, we have bills to pay.

He doesn’t need taking out, he needs supervision.

So true , my son is autistic and he's the most gentle person I know . In fact he was bullied himself .

There was an AMA recently with a poster who worked with SEN/ASD/ADHD children and I asked her how much of some children's behaviour was down to bad parenting.

She replied there is no "bad parenting" - at that point I was out. Ridiculous.

This mother sounds maybe overwhelmed, maybe just lazy and CBA. Either way I would be fuming too and would fight until the situation is 100% sorted.

Why should your DD suffer from adults being so feckless?

If the children you've invoked are battering other children, then yes, of course they should be removed

Then parents raise it every time. With the school leadership, with the LA (if they are lucky enough to have a school managed by tbe LA), with their MP.

Their child has the right to feel safe at school. No one us disputing that.

Do your school offer a hub for children with additional needs? Many school do now and if they don’t perhaps it’s something you could mention or advocate for. The school sound as though they are not handling the needs if this child well and so because of the lack of supervision he is able to strike out at your daughter.

School has a responsibility for both child's needs and rights to an education. You can't take away a child's right to an education because they are disabled and that is what would be happening if those laws were changed or removed.

The process needs to change rather than it becoming acceptable to deny disabled children an education.

That is not OP's problem. Home I guess, if the right setting can't be found

So what? They still have legal responsibility to manage it.

100% this.

Is it your belief that the only way to prevent this violence is to remove the child from school?

What is your basis for this absolute belief?

I posted earloer but to add our personal experience- DD is ND (she has asd and other NDs). She's very well behaved. Twice in reception she was attacked by the same child (the second time pretty badly- he pushed her to the ground and tried to strangle her). I didn't 'go nuclear' though because frankly that doesn't help. I had a proper discussion about how she would be safeguarded. It was also just a couple of days before the summer holidays and a)things were put in place and b) it never happened again.

The other child had a successful time at that school. I don't know if he was ND himself or had other stuff going on. None of my business. But there's no need to shout the school down, is there? Be polite, calm and professional.

My son is 3.5 and mildly on the spectrum we think yet his behaviour is of that of a two year old who does stupid, dangerous things. It is very difficult to tell them off when they go back and do it again and again. Obviously I do. Especially when they don't have the language! It is a disability though. Blame the school.

Exactly. My DD1 (now 16) is ND. She wasn’t violent at 4 years old. But that changed between the ages of 6-10 when she did become violent. Thankfully, only towards me, she was as good as gold in school.

You just don’t know that the OP’s DD won’t at some point express her frustrations by lashing out. Or she might ‘mask’ like my DD and lash out at home. Or not at all. It’s impossible to know.

To add, I don’t consider myself to be a better parent than others whose DC are violent at school. I’m just grateful that she wasn’t and I didn’t have that shame to deal with.

I've reported this for troll hunting

please don't minimise people's experiences

thanks