Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

How is saying that violence from others being not OK is ableist?? On what planet ??
or if you are 4 it is different and you don’t have the right to not be attacked ???

Apologies genuine experience. There are too many internet experts on Autism out there.

Once his needs are met, he may not be violent or at least consistently enough to hurt another child 3 times in 2 weeks. Just because he's displaying these behaviours now, it doesn't mean that he always will, especially in the right setting with the right support.

My experience of primary schools is that they can be places where extreme violence can occur on the regular and there is little protection offered to children. In reception one boy in DD’s class regularly kicked classmates with all his strength IN THE HEAD. I was so worried for my dd but the school just didn’t deal with this despite my requests to keep my dd safe at school. I was so stressed by the situation. It carried on for a year until the child moved house and therefore moved school. I think it’s just unacceptable that schools do not prioritise the safety of children. I’m not sure what the answer is OP but I really feel for you.

It's not a risk other children need to be putting up with

Oh come off it. I don’t think a single person thinks this situation okay. But between comments I’ve seen calling the kid a thug and saying he’ll turn out to be a woman abuser and he should be expelled and the barrage of comments saying it’s the mothers fault, there is some stinking ableism going on here.

I have friends wirh children who have SEN who are excellent and involved parents, who have educated themselves on the most effective way of parenting for their child's needs.

And every single child at times behaves in an anti social way.

I have experienced it myself as an adoptive parent whose child had attachment issues.

I could have prevented some outbursts if I had physically abused her into being scared of me, I think. But that wouldn't have a) worked long term or b) enabled her to become a responsible and caring adult.

No one is saying violence is ok. Generally autistics disregulation has triggers, those are what the school should be understanding and managing.

Strangely enough no one has criticised the father ..

Absolutely.

other children should not have to put up with this.

school need to address this and adequate support needs to be in place to keep all the children safe

no one actually disagrees with this

This happened to my son OP so you have my sympathies. The school were shocking. I was told my son was exaggerating, that it was just the other boys attempts at playing with him and countless other excuses.

I had almost a year of it, meetings and emails with the head and nothing changed. My son went from confident and happy to withdrawn and sad. I lost my shit when I noticed bruising and grip marks all over his shoulder. I was advised to go to the governor of the school as they were failing DS, only the governor happened to be the child's parent!

So we ended up moving DS (with his agreement) to a different school, which was the best decision I have ever made.

I really hope you can find a solution for you DD.

The system needs to change to make it easier for children who can't cope in mainstream education to access help/funding without parents and schools having to jump through hoops and sometimes waiting years for their child to finally access specialist provision.

The system is letting all children down.

What you need to remember is that the school has just as much of a responsibility for the boy as your DD.

If I were his Mum, I wouldn't be happy either.

They are clearly not managing his needs and behaviours well.

Totally agree with this. But in the interim I think it's too much of a risk for this child to be in mainstream education, and he should be removed from the school until the right arrangements can be made. Violence at school should be absolutely zero tolerance

I just wonder what the responses would be if the reception aged child did not have autism and his father took him to school but wasn’t apparently too bothered about him buzzing the reception buzzer or, .. as it eventually transpires “assaulting other children” on the way to school.
Plenty of NT children assault other children- in reception and throughout school.
As I’ve said upthread (and been described as “victim blaming” 👀) children this young (reception) often have violent outbursts of various kinds WITHOUT any kind of SEN. Same for the children who deliberately assault staff - as I was today - a perfectly NT and capable student threw a ball at me while I tried to discipline a child with SEN according to my duties).
Honestly the vitriol against this child or children like him who is completely unknown to any of us bar the OP and she’s made it clear how she feels, is shocking. It’s very easy to say people who try to understand SEN violence are just giving them excuses.. which presumes a whole lot of things they do not see. Nobody has ever patted violence on the back. No one on here has said a violent child is acceptable or a good thing. No one.
In addition, I am surprised the OP was told by the school who the child (“Ozzy”) was and that his actions were intended, as she stated.
Notably she says in her OP that this child is “gunning” for her DD. I really hope a school teacher didn’t use those words and yet did absolutely nothing to stop these assaults.
By now I’m sure the OP had taken the wise advice by lots of MN to contact the SLT and head of the school and raised a safeguarding concerns and will meet with the school—-and

I wondered how long it would take for ableist chorus to enter the chat and tell everyone to put up with little Tarquin battering their daughters and smashing up the classroom.

The level of entitlement is off the scale. The state must do this. The school must do that. We have ended up in the most peculiar position in education now, and I don't see a way out of it with the current level of funding vs the attitude of parents.

You don't contact the Mum (I am the Mum of an autistic child who pushes). I had one Mum who messaged me repeatedly and I ended up going to the head as I saw it as harassment- the said Mum got a talking to from the school.

I was very upset my child was pushing but felt the school was taking the appropriate actions and dealing with the behaviour. If the school isn't dealing with then you need to look for a new school.

I've never said the boy is bad. I've simply said OP's daughter is not his punching bag, and under absolutely no circumstances should any child be made to put up with this

It’s not a special school ! The teachers are not in small classes of 8 with two cas.

I agree.
and a busy fraught classroom where the violent behaviours are occurring is not the place to work out / understand and learn to manage - as it is putting other people’s health and wellbeing at risk -
the child perpetrator needs to be removed from this clearly overwhelming situation and educators / parents / child need to work through the above
if that cannot be provided, then that’s a separate discussion, but in the first instance there needs to be management of risk to others as a priority and work from there
that is not ableist

The school/lea has an equal responsibility to both your daughter and the little boy to make sure they both get an appropriate and safe education. They're obviously completely failing in that atm, and I'm so sorry your little girl was hurt 💐 It sounds like he needs a 1:1 ta, the lea probably don't want to fund one though.😢

That's unacceptable. I say this as a mum of 3 autistic kids. The school needs to stop this

I have read all tbe updates OP. As a mother of two sen kids (mine are non violent) who were in classes where there was a high number of SEN and other issue kids (we moved schools in the end). I would say that even if they do manage to move him or expell him, basically he is not there anymore, this process will take at least a year, potentially 2 or even 3.
It could be that the school start to manage him and his needs and he calms down and this behaviour settles. Although it could stay the same or get worse.
I would also say in a small village school you are going to have hardly any support for him. In a large school they have so many facilities and processes and specialisy teachers, resources, safe spaces,
You are in for the long haul here and you just need to make noise to help the schools case to get him quicker referrals.

The only correct take ^^