Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

Absolutely!
To expose their logic - if their mum got dementia, had to be moved to a care home and attacked a big burley male nurse, they'd be happy for him to punch their mum as hard as he could.
I don't think these people have 2 brain cells to rub together.

No. 100% no.

DD was being verbally bullied by some other girls in her year and it was dealt with by the school.

The school is 100% responsible for the well being of children in their care. I haven't seen a single post disputing that.

But that is what the OP needs to focus on - her child feeling safe at school.

Nope. Because in a lot of cases where would the child go?

I have seen this many times and the school try their best but unfortunately it is very normal in school. And at private btw (seen that too).

My kid has been on the receiving end and it sucks. But as others have said let the school deal with it.

I know you are upset but keep to thats facts with the school and minimise thr hyperbolic language.

Help your daughter deal with the situation. It may not be right but in the short term it is what it is. No child should have to deal with this but building her confidence and resilience will pay dividends. She has to learn to put the incident in context and not let it affect her whole being. It’s really hard but it may help her.

Don’t expect a quick result: The kid will stay. If no where else to go he has to stay and places are available or easy.

But these incidents are happening durring school time when the Mum won’t be there. How do you know she isn’t doing social stories ect.

And ? What if she did ?

My daughter was also having issues with a child (it was alluded to this child had issues). He would focus on my daughter and it would be constant. The head really wasn’t interested at all. The head actually told my daughter, in front of me, that she shouldn’t let these incidents ruin her day. I found the school wanted to protect the child doing the bullying over the victims.

Id look at the complaints procedure and do that. This site was also helpful. https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/advice-and-support/making-complaint-about-bullying

While this child may have a disability, it doesn’t give them the right to harm other children.

Sorry to hear your daughter has been hurt, its horrific in schools just now. As an adult this week i have been assaulted 3 times and have stepped in to stop other children being hurt by the same child many, many times. Senior Leadership do very little and its horrific. I would definitely be going to the parent as from what i can see the violence is played down and parents are not fully informed of their child's violence towards others. Too many parents are also in denial about their child’s involvement and suspected issues. The system is broken and children are being let down every day. An autism diagnosis is not an excuse for violence.

Or for the mum with dementia to kick out.

You are being ridiculous.

It's my view that children with SEN should be able to have an education where their needs are properly met and all children are safeguarded from harm.

The fact that you believe that children with SEN having a right to education = other children inevitably being harmed exposes very ignorant, very black and white , and very ableist thinking.

@youalright you clearly don't know anything about Autism. God if it was as simple as parenting your kids out of it- we'd all be doing it. It's not a result of permissive parenting. They are not bad kids. They are not bad parents. Fml im so fed up with being judged. My son was diagnosed with ASD at 3. From the age of 2 he has been aggressive towards me - we have meltdowns because it's too noisy, windy, clothes too scratchy or noisy, food not tasting the same, something not meeting an expectation, the list is endless. My entire life is spent on edge trying to keep my son regulated. We have attended parenting courses for the last 2 years, see an occupational therapist every week, a child psychologist once a fortnight.......nothing changes because it is not something that can be parented away. In our case the meltdown/reaction feels so disproportionate but it isn't to him. During the meltdown there is nothing that can be done or said, it's a total loss of control until he is able to reset.
I can understand and empathise OP that you are very upset seeing your daughter hurt and it is not acceptable. But it is not the parents fault. You need to take it up with the school and ask them how they plan to keep your child safe because they have not been able to so far - what measures are they putting in place? They should also have notified his mum already. My son kicked his classroom assistant last year and pulled a teachers hair. That is the only time we had an incident at school and they called us in for a meeting the next day. We sat down and tried to work out why it had happened, what triggered it and we came up with a plan to reduce the chance of it happening again. And it hasn't happened since. But alot of it in our case was that we had some big changes at home and that had thrown my son off combined with him not being very well. The school also did alot of classroom workshops on kindness and friendships. So I absolutely think there is more the school could be doing for both kids.

Not at school, but I can still remember, nearly fifty years on, when I was six or seven, running home with blood pouring from my head after a boy threw a half brick at me, entirely without warning. These things tend to stay with you. Reading threads like this makes me wonder if things are much better now.

Except there was, so hopefully it's been taken down as I reported it. One 'mum' was encouraging the daughter to hit the boy back as hard as she could.

We're talking specifically about violent SEN child here. Don't be disingenuous

I didn't say I had the right to say he should be excluded. I know I don't have that right. I said I wish I could have that right.

had to be moved to a care home and attacked a big burley male nurse

again why are you making this about sex? These children are FOUR,

im so sick of this. "Feminism" seems to be an excuse/ cover these days for being flagrantly discriminatory , racist, islamaphobic (obviously transphobic), homophobic and now bloody ableist. What next??

OP, I would be like you - utterly livid at this being the start to my DD’s school life -

sounds like you are completely on the ball with advocating for your DD and shouting from the rooftops what is happening and that it is not acceptable-

i would say do not talk to the mum - it’s too emotive and won’t end well -

land this firmly on school to resolve
I would also be looking at another school
if your DD is not there, the lad must aim his dysfunctional behaviours at other kids ?
school has to be able to manage this, or own that they can’t manage this and then that needs to be addressed

Project much 😜

We've through this, and our school has amazing provision for Sen families, there are so many ways to deal with this but disengaged parenting isn't going to help is it?

The school and parents are failing this boy as he is clearly not coping with waiting by the gates in the morning. Why make him and others suffer? It seems cruel and incompetent.

Ultimately due to his behaviour at school, once his mum has gone shows he needs 1-2-1 support to make sure other children are safe.

I've been in your situation. My daughter (along with others) was stabbed under the table with drawing pins and regularly came home with various bruises & marks. The child in question was autistic and non verbal. Really she needed to be in a specialist school, not mainstream.

Although she did have a one to one teaching assistant, she was regularly left to roam around the class.

After many complaints to the school, she was eventually held back a year, then moved to reception until she got a place at another school.

Keep on at the school, all children should be kept safe in classroom.

Nope we are talking about a disabled four year old who is being allowed at school to behave in a violent way .

Because girls grow into women and boys grow into men. Sounds like this child will unfortunately grow up into a violent man who lashes out at women, if he is not given the right supervision

As a parent of two children with autism, this thread and most of the comments have made me so sad.
The ableism is quite shocking.

OP you made that really clear, I think people are just being antagonistic

I wouldn't talk to the mum, there's nothing she can do about what happens in school and given how upset you are the conversation may not go well.
I had a similar situation with my DS in preschool, it was awful. He even had nightmares about the girl doing it. I politely spoke to the nursery staff which didn't work. I then called the manager who was understanding and apologetic, she said they would ensure the SEN girl has 1:1 so it doesn't happen again.
Make sure the head and the SENCO are involved in the meeting with the school.

I'm very binary on my opinion of "child assaulted by peer = bad". I'm as black and white as it's possible to be on that one

Children who behave violently towards other children should not be around other children untill such time as they can be prevented from harming anyone by whatever measures deemed necessary.

The other children should not have to endure their violence untill such time as the violent child's needs can be met.

Safety first

Semantics. He's clouting OP's little girl and should be removed from the school immediately