Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

"Are you meaning the posters who seem to think violence is fine if the attacker has a diagnosis?"

Which posts say that violence is fine?

The Mum wasn't even there, FFS!

You sounds so, SO ignorant.

Oh yeah let's avoid the disabled kids.

Would you repeatedly play with someone who is known to hurt you?

Inclusion isn’t about being a battering ram for another child!!

Most kids are inclusive - they just don’t like being hit! Isn’t that actually illegal now? If OP was injuring her DD in temper she’d be removed!

You do know that parents do not give a shiny shit about ableism when their children are being assaulted daily! Your attempt at making a distressed mother feel guilty is pathetic.
We stood up to all the transgender bullshit. Time for parents to stand up to all the shite parenting which means some children are too afraid to go to school.

As the mum of a SEN child I do just have to say, you honestly have no idea what the boys family are going through.
I've been fighting the system for years to get
my child help.
I parent him like any other child, he knows right from wrong, but he will still do wrong due to communication and emotion struggles.

im sorry your DD has been hurt. I've always been mortified when this has happened. But we aren't told as parents who the child was so I could never go and apologise to them.

The school obviously doesn't sound like the right setting for him, but it can take years to get into a specialist school.

No one has said the other children should put up with it. Everyone has said that the school should do what is necessary to keep the other children safe, and encouraged the OP to meet with the school about measures to keep her DD safe.

And none of us know whether 'this child' can or cannot attend school without assaulting people, if given the right support.

The 'right support' is irrelevant to the OP, who has every reason to expect her child is safe at school.

Not a single person has said that violence is fine.

not a single one.

"The mum just stands there and doesnt say anything", autism or not, no wonder the child is a riot. I despair for society when this is socially acceptable in larhe groups of parents as being the right way of handling things.

I'd document it all in writing with the headteacher but your daughter shouldnt have to put up with this. Not sure if you can eventually get a councillor involved to press the school.

But in the meantime your daughter will have to put up with this treatment and no doubt have her confidence dented in process. Totally shit situation for you and your daughter.

LA's often force children to attend mainstream education to provide evidence that they can't cope. It's a frustratingly slow process, often with the LA fighting you every step of the way.

I’m a mother of a sen child, and I agree with you. The school clearly can’t meet the child’s needs and ensure there’s a safe learning environment for all.

You need educating

Children being a punch bag for this child is the consequence of your worldview. You're all OK with a little girl being assaulted because it's so imperative to include this child. Others, like me, are not

Ah so you don't like the reality of the situation expressed in such a stark way? It's not comfortable at all. But then neither is a reception age child being assaulted 3 times in a few weeks.

This happened to my DD. They finally excluded the boy when he bit her shoulder so hard (he was hanging off her shoulder by his teeth) that she had to go to hospital and have stitches.

Children are not and never will be inclusive. It goes against all that is natural for survival. If a child with special needs is hurting another child then rest assured they will not have any friends in their class.

She indicates other children are being affected by having things thrown at them and that is just want she sees in the time that she is dropping off her child.
No fucks given about namby pamby rules oh we must be inclusive.
She needs to do whatever she can to 100% protect her innocent child and others.
My advice still stands.

This

The lack of adequate provision for SEN is a national disgrace. I really feel for those parents of children with SEN who are fighting and fighting against a system that is pitted against them.

As the mum of a child who was hurt by another child, I don't care what his diagnosis was or what his family went through. My daughter should not suffer at the hands of anyone for any reason. No excuses

excuse me I'm not trying to make her feel "guilty", but I'm calling out the aspects of her posts which are unreasonable and ableist because that's not ok.

Time for parents to stand up to all the shite parenting

Some children have disabling developmental differences that have nothing to do with "shite parenting". :
Sometimes those differences can result in challenging behaviour both due to lack of understanding and due to emotional dysregulation. Not only is this child disabled , he's IN RECEPTION.

Your ignorance in 2025 is insane.

Quite - is the OP fault her own daughter is an on ND pathway. Absolutely not.

If I was the OP with an ND daughter on an ND pathway already at 4, if this isn't managed by the school quickly, I would move school. If a school can't get the provision needed to support a highly de-regulated 4 year old boy, they will won't be able to get the support for her daughter either. Unfortunately, it is often harder to get support girls than boys.

Sadly this sort of thread shows the reaction you get if you have ND children.

Another reason why it's frankly absurd that this kid is even in this school to begin with. No one will want to be around him and he won't have any friends because he is violent. He would be better off in an entirely different setting

Feel for you OP - I’m that TA who got battered on a daily basis trying to contain these behaviours and protect the other children. It’s an awful place to be as an adult so your poor girl will be traumatised.

However , kindly . Step away from this thread now and spoil your DD this evening. Perhaps come back , if you wish, to update us after the meetings.

Again not a single person has said that what is happening to the OP’s child is ok.

what is happening to the OP’s child is completely unacceptable.

the school and the system are at fault.

i really feel for the OP and I hope she is successful in getting steps out in place to keep her child safe.

what I don’t agree with is placing the blame on a 4 year old nor all the ableism and hate being spouted.

Could be she doesn't want her son in that school either but was told to send him there, so she is letting the inevitable happen to evidence he needs to go to another school.

Could be she is utterly broken and can't see what she can do.