Autistic child attacking DD

[HollandAndCooper]

Hi all,

just looking for advice re the above. DD started reception at the beginning of September. She's a confident child and had no issues starting until recently.

3 times in the last 2 weeks an autistic boy has assaulted and attacked DD.
the first occasion was pinching her on her cheek leaving a mark and bruise. She was climbing on the adventure frame in the playground when this happened. Totally unprovoked.
the second occasion, he kicked her on her shin leaving a horrible bruise.
3rd occasion (today) the child in question has hit DD on her head so hard it's left a mark.

I picked her up and she was utterly hysterical.

I am so incredibly angry. I know this child has SEN but as a lot of you will relate, when someone attacks and hurts your child it rages you like nothing else. The first occasion I was angry but as understanding as can be. Now 2 and 3 more times have happened, I'm losing my patience.

it's a very small and Intimate village school, one class per year and is only reception - y2. There is no where else for the boy to go in the school because of this.

all incidents have been noted but I've now demanded a safeguarding investigation take place as he's gunning for my DD. I've been told they're doing their best to 'keep them apart.' My daughter doesn't need to be kept apart from anybody, he needs keeping away from her.

i know who the mum is. At drop off whilst waiting for the gates to be opened this child constantly presses on the intercom, bangs and punches the notice board. The mum just stands there and doesn't say anything. I know conventional discipline won't work with all SEN children, but do I speak to the mum about this? I am so angry that my 4 year old little girl cannot have her right to a safe learning environment due to this child. I have no idea if he's attacked other children.

please don't take this as a thread to hate on SEN. I am neurodiverse myself, and DD most probably is to and is on the correct pathways.

has anyone else been through this, does anyone have any advice? In reality I'd like the boy to be expelled as we're 4 weeks into her schooling life and my daughter has been assaulted 3 times. But who am I to demand that.

im at a loss on what to do. My confident, happy little girl who has loved going to school is now getting upset at drop off and is hysterical at pick up. I'm just heartbroken for her.

I know fights and scraps are normal for young kids, but this is not in the realms of normal.

any advice will be greatly received.

thank you

Have you spoken to the parents of other children.
Surely they will be alarmed as well and it will be better if you all go in and put pressure on the school so they have to virtually have him separate from others all the time or excluded from school.

YABU to want him expelled.

He needs a one to one.

WTF is the relevance of the children's sex please? They are FOUR!

No, that’s the thing.

Everyone has the equal right to an education. Everyone.

That’s how equality works.

His disability is relevant to his needs at school. His disability is not in any way relevant to the other 30 kids in the class. His disability should not affect the wellbeing, education or safety of any of those children.

Nothing quite shows up the ignorance and stupidity in today's society as a thread involving autism on mumsnet.

Yeah that’s why things are fucked up and excuses made when innocent children are being abused.

This child clearly needs more support than he is currently getting. How can the mum do anything about it when she isn’t even in school with him when he does this? Don’t approach the Mum. Pursue with the school.

And children all have the right to not be assaulted.

Hard agree

Yes Agreed.

"So the parents need to learn what does work not just use autism as an excuse for the child's behaviour while raising the future wife beaters and criminals of society."

Your nonexistent experience and knowledge is showing here.

Right, so the almost certainly underfunded school needs to find a way to square that circle.

Because everyone has a right to an education? Weird outlook.

OP’s daughter absolutely has the right to a safe learning environment.

The school needs to allocate staffing so the child has 1:1 supervision while they compile the evidence they need for funding, and potential placement change etc.

That will take time, and in the meantime, the child will need to be supported in the environment to prevent the “abuse” from happening.

But he does have a right to an education, because all children do.

It doesn't have to be this all or nothing mindset.

This child can't behave in a developmentally appropriate way, keeps lashing out, so we should banish him for the good of the many or this child is disabled so everyone should welcome being hurt with absolutely no repercussions.

There is a middle ground which is legally expected and that is that the school and the LEA should be considering his overall development and wellbeing and implementing strategies, providing tools, staff training, funds, resources and therapies and if needed 1:1 supervision.

The OP needs to focus on what the school are doing to keep her child safe and that's it.

And both can actually be achieved.

We dont have to pick between them.

The current situation is a political choice.

I really really sympathise with you and even more so with your DD.

I should probably NC for this because it could be outing but to hell with it, when I was at primary school in the 90s a boy who I now suspect was suffering from undiagnosed ADHD threw a jagged, broken item at me (god alone knows how he managed to get his hands on it) cutting my face and mercifully missing my eye by inches. I have had a scar on my face ever since (which did not make life pleasant during those torrid teenage years).

Nothing was done at the time despite my mums various raising of complaints. Yes, that boy has a right to an education but I also had the right to not have my face scarred for the rest of my life and your daughter has the right not to be attacked on a daily basis and leave school in tears. Huge hugs to her.

The behaviours may be happening when the child is in the school's care, but the parent should absolutely be told what is going on (by the school not OP) so they can work together to manage the behaviour. Yes the parents can't deal with individual incidents when they aren't there but they can work on a consistent approach to dealing with triggers and consequences for behaviour. So if loud noises or crowds are a known trigger, parents could ask that the DC wears ear defenders or that he moves around the school at different times. If the child hits someone at home or school and there is a consistent response to that then he might learn to modify his behaviour over time. For all parents, managing children's negative behaviour doesn't stop at the school gates.

There are 3 children at my school who are autistic to the point of needing a full-time 1:1 (2:1 at times) with varying levels of language, ability to engage positively with others etc. By far the two who are doing better and having their needs met more effectively (but not to the point of this being the right setting long term) are the 2 whose parents are engaged and generally working with the school on behaviour. The other child's parents refuse to believe there is anything different about their child and see his behaviour at school as not for them to deal with (he's actually not got an EHCP specifying 1:1 so it's completely at the school's expense).

It sure does 🤦‍♀️

Are you meaning the posters who seem to think violence is fine if the attacker has a diagnosis?

Then I couldn't agree with you more.

I'm going to be flamed but here we go. Some children, through no fault of their own (in this case autism), should not be in broad strokes education. Scaled systems have got to be designed for the majority, with accommodations made where that is possible and reasonable. It is beyond the beyonds of reasonable for a student to have to tolerate assault from another student because of the aggressor's "right to education". If I board a plane, my right and other passengers' right to not die comes above, say, a blind person's right to realize their aviation dream. This child simply doesn't belong in mainstream education, end of

Hello i voted YANBU and im a mum of a sen child who has in the past been very aggressive and violent towards anyone around him. He attends a specialist school since he started school ans he displayed the same behaviours ant nursery and has also at times been attacked by his peers. I have 2 younger children who aren't sen and have been the brunt of his violence at times also. I discipline all 3 children the same and my son knows right from wrong and how to be kind he even helps with chores as i want him to have the best chance in life so he is taught the same life skills i teach his siblings and now he only lashes out during sensory meltdowns which thankfully due to his wonderful school and input from everyone around him, we all work to deescalate any situation where we feel he may become aggressive. I feel like the school are at fault here as the boy is in in their care also and needs 1-1 at all times to keep everyone safe. when he was younger I would literally have to helicopter over him to prevent him hurting others around him and I believe this is what the boy requires from the school as it’s the only way I could stop anyone from being hurt back then. The parent should be on board but she’s maybe embarrassed and doesn’t know what to do, I’ve attended every parenting and sensory course I can and they’ve all helped. The school should be signposting the mum to groups and support to help her discipline her child in an appropriate way. My son took much longer to learn things and it felt as though he would never settle but he did learn about being gentle eventually but it took lots of persistence.
i know a lot of schools say they just don’t have the funding but if he has an EHCP they should be pushing for higher banded funding to pay for the 1-1 at all times. Also I know it’s a small school but could they put him in an older class maybe? My son found an older class less noisy and settled better around the bigger children at his school but like I say his Sen school move children about and put them with peers that they get along with also which has worked well so far and he’s in year 6 now.
i hope your daughter is ok, I’d definitely be demanding how they are planning to safeguard your child as it’s not good enough and whilst in their care it’s their duty to care for her. X

A child who already has a diagnosis at 4 and is showing this level of dis-regulation should be prioritised for an EHCP and additional funding. It normally takes years to even get diagnosed in primary school.

This is terrible advice.

There are rules that all schools have to follow around internal and external suspensions, and especially permanent exclusions. Schools cannot and will not permanently isolate or exclude a 4 year old child because a group of parents go in and demand it. That's not how it works.

Whipping up drama and anxiety among other parents by talking to them about incidents that have nothing to do with their children will just make OP look unhinged and unreasonable, which she clearly isn't. She is entitled to complain directly to the school about the situation. She is not entitled to start a witch hunt.

Except there isn't a single person on the thread who've said that. So , no, not those- try again.