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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask who would date a man without a college degree and/or earning less?

170 replies

CleopatraSelene · 01/10/2025 19:12

It's such a big talking point with sexist men now & also in general think pieces in media. So I thought I'd do an AIBU poll out of curiosity.
I personally would date someone who earns less & I would date someone without a degree. I would want someone smart but that isn't synonymous, esp when you look at idiots like Owen Jones & Boris who went to good unis.

However, I date women so not directly comparable

. Also housing is not an issue for me, and I know I am very lucky in this as right now housing costs are ofc out of control & the government fails to do anything...

I suspect housing & wish to be SAHM are big factors, and reasonably so.

OP posts:
OneTrackMindToday · 01/10/2025 19:16

My husband isn't university educated and earned less than me when I worked full time. But we've been together since young, and I didn't go the traditional straight from school route to get my degree. If I had, I'd likely have married someone degree educated due to circumstance as much as anything else. But my husband is very good at practical things, which I do find attractive.

notimeforregrets · 01/10/2025 19:18

My partner has a lower degree and makes less money than me but those things did not matter to me as I can support myself.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/10/2025 19:18

People tend to stick with people similar to them.

lastones · 01/10/2025 19:18

My current guy is a stay-at-home boyfriend, so nil income. I have a doctorate and he doesn't have a degree. I don't think it matters much if it is the right person. Didn't vote as not quite sure which option is supposed to represent what.

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 01/10/2025 19:19

lastones · 01/10/2025 19:18

My current guy is a stay-at-home boyfriend, so nil income. I have a doctorate and he doesn't have a degree. I don't think it matters much if it is the right person. Didn't vote as not quite sure which option is supposed to represent what.

Sounds like a cushy job.

User5306921 · 01/10/2025 19:19

I don’t think having a degree means someone is smart.

JHound · 01/10/2025 19:19

Don’t care about him being university educated - just that he is well read and capable of intelligent thought.

As for him earning less…depends on how much less. I have done this in the past and it always creates an issue. Now I am too old to want to bankroll another person.

Wherethewildthingsfart · 01/10/2025 19:20

Dh doesn’t have a degree and earns less than me.
He supported me through my training. I wouldn’t be earning more if it wasn’t for his support.

He’s very very intelligent (in all ways), kind, caring, a great dad and husband, he’s creative, beautiful, tidy, organised and a bloody good shag. He has his bad bits but don’t we all!

Obviously I pay for more because I earn more but he pulls his weight much more than I do. We are equal.

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 01/10/2025 19:21

What you're effectively saying is that people shouldn't partner up with people who have a different level of education from them. Which is ridiculous.

DH has a degree and PhD from Oxbridge, Ive got a Master's Degree from a 1960s uni and earn less. But we've been happily married for 32 years so something is working.

lastones · 01/10/2025 19:22

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 01/10/2025 19:19

Sounds like a cushy job.

Show quote history

It doesn't really make financial sense for him to work as his salary would probably be, I don't know... a fifth of mine for stupid hours and a lot of physical stress? I prefer him happy because then I am also happy.

Tagliateriroa · 01/10/2025 19:22

My partner doesn’t have a degree and when we met he earnt far more than me. 2 years ago he took a big pay cut for his mental health and has never been happier. We have more than we need and I admire and love him for it

Snorlaxo · 01/10/2025 19:22

The university education wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. Not all jobs require a degree and some of these jobs pay well. I know plenty of degree-less people who are interesting and smart.

MyAcornWood · 01/10/2025 19:22

Well, my husband hasn’t got a degree, he didn’t even finish secondary education, but he has always out earned me. He started his own business when he was 21 and made it a success. I’m now a partner in said business so I make decisions alongside DH and I do paperwork but mostly I’m home with our babies.
As for earning less, it wouldn’t be ideal for me, being completely honest.

Original poster
CleopatraSelene · 01/10/2025 19:23

User5306921 · 01/10/2025 19:19

I don’t think having a degree means someone is smart.

Exactly, esp with grade inflation nowadays. So many very intelligent people in history didn't go to a uni but educated themselves in other ways.

OP posts:
MiddleAgedDread · 01/10/2025 19:24

My OH doesn’t have a degree but has a D suite job and earns more than 3 times what I do (excluding bonus) so the two aren’t directly related!

Original poster
CleopatraSelene · 01/10/2025 19:24

Wherethewildthingsfart · 01/10/2025 19:20

Dh doesn’t have a degree and earns less than me.
He supported me through my training. I wouldn’t be earning more if it wasn’t for his support.

He’s very very intelligent (in all ways), kind, caring, a great dad and husband, he’s creative, beautiful, tidy, organised and a bloody good shag. He has his bad bits but don’t we all!

Obviously I pay for more because I earn more but he pulls his weight much more than I do. We are equal.

Sounds like a great partnership.👍

OP posts:
Papyrophile · 01/10/2025 19:25

My DH only has O levels, but he started his own company many years ago, and has earned well most years ever since. My higher earnings in the early years made it possible for him to stick at it until it became profitable. We view it as our mutual achievement.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 01/10/2025 19:25

I supported my DH when he went to re-train and take a pay cut. He's got a better paying job now but I'm still the higher earner. Money has never mattered to me. We earn money to live; its not a personal characteristic in my eyes.
The sexist men who spout that crap are usually riddled with horrible personality traits and they tell themselves women are selfish superficial and only wanting men for their money a nice little way to make the fact they can't get a relationship with a woman not their fault.

Original poster
CleopatraSelene · 01/10/2025 19:26

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 01/10/2025 19:21

What you're effectively saying is that people shouldn't partner up with people who have a different level of education from them. Which is ridiculous.

DH has a degree and PhD from Oxbridge, Ive got a Master's Degree from a 1960s uni and earn less. But we've been happily married for 32 years so something is working.

No, I'm not! My post was bc I see lots of stuff in the news etc saying women don't want men who are less formally educated or earn less & I was a bit doubtful of this.

OP posts:
Evaka · 01/10/2025 19:26

No problem if they don't have a degree. Some of the most successful people I went to school with went straight to work instead of pricking about with humanities degrees.

I like to earn around the same as my partner, keeps things balanced.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 01/10/2025 19:26

I note that these people are generally talking about partners rather than just dating. I wouldn't choose to date a man (should I ever take up dating again which is incredibly unlikely) who didn't have a similar level of education to me (ie a degree). Maybe I've been unlucky, but I've dated a couple of men whose education level was lower than mine and they simply had no conversation and very little interest in anything (apart from cars or their own areas of particular interest). They weren't widely read and didn't want to be. And it was that lack of intellectual curiosity that irritated me. So if a man didn't have a degree but was widely read and wanted to find out about stuff I'd be fine, but how would I know until I'd started dating him already?

The income thing - well, I'm quite hard up so it would be hard to find a man earning less than me without being on the streets.

JohnofWessex · 01/10/2025 19:26

My ex wife was bellyaching about something or other.

I pointed out that while she had a First she got very snooty about sometimes, I had a MCA Survival at Sea Certificate and a Boatmans Licence (Lapsed) and earned twice what she did. She was a Gardener at the time and I am a Local Government Officer so it wasnt that exciting financially for either of us.

For what its worth I have known many people who graduated From The University of Life and are very intelligent and many who went to University, not that it seems to have made any difference and are as thick as the proverbial two short planks.

CarpetKnees · 01/10/2025 19:26

No ideas what to vote as not sure what your AIBU is, but dh didn't have a degree, career path, and wasn't earning much when we got together.

I went out with him because I fancied him, he made me laugh, and we got on well together before he asked me.

At various times over the last 35 years I have earned more than him and he has earned more than me. But 'what he does for a job' was never a consideration when we started going out , let alone whether he had chosen to study for a degree at that point in his life or not.

Original poster
CleopatraSelene · 01/10/2025 19:27

Papyrophile · 01/10/2025 19:25

My DH only has O levels, but he started his own company many years ago, and has earned well most years ever since. My higher earnings in the early years made it possible for him to stick at it until it became profitable. We view it as our mutual achievement.

That's really nice. I wish papers could report this kind of stuff sometimes..

OP posts:
JHound · 01/10/2025 19:28

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 01/10/2025 19:21

What you're effectively saying is that people shouldn't partner up with people who have a different level of education from them. Which is ridiculous.

DH has a degree and PhD from Oxbridge, Ive got a Master's Degree from a 1960s uni and earn less. But we've been happily married for 32 years so something is working.

Are they saying people “shouldn’t” or asking who would?