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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask who would date a man without a college degree and/or earning less?

170 replies

CleopatraSelene · 01/10/2025 19:12

It's such a big talking point with sexist men now & also in general think pieces in media. So I thought I'd do an AIBU poll out of curiosity.
I personally would date someone who earns less & I would date someone without a degree. I would want someone smart but that isn't synonymous, esp when you look at idiots like Owen Jones & Boris who went to good unis.

However, I date women so not directly comparable

. Also housing is not an issue for me, and I know I am very lucky in this as right now housing costs are ofc out of control & the government fails to do anything...

I suspect housing & wish to be SAHM are big factors, and reasonably so.

OP posts:
KoalaKoKo · 01/10/2025 19:57

What someone earns and the degrees they hold aren’t the important thing in my opinion. I couldn’t go out with someone who wasn’t intelligent, I like people who have attractive brains and can think outside the box. Most people who fit that criteria have been to Uni but I have met some geniuses who just read and absorb everything but didn’t have a formal education and I have met some dumb guys who managed to scrape degrees.

Having no money also wouldn’t be a problem for me but having no ambition, drive or passion is unattractive. I know some rich guys who have had everything handed to them and walked into careers but they’re just going through the motions and don’t really seem to have any passion for anything.

pokewoman · 01/10/2025 19:59

My husband left school at 16 with just a couple of d grade gcses. Works in a £14 per hour job - was on minimum wage up until a year ago.

He's a grafter, amazing dad, great husband, kind, more than pulls his weight.

Im university educated, and while i cant do more than a little bit of freelance work at the moment due to health, my earning power should i be working in the career i trained in would be triple his at least - but it genuinely has never been an issue

warmapplepies · 01/10/2025 19:59

Ponderingwindow · 01/10/2025 19:29

A university degree is important to me because I want someone who values education. It’s also just incredibly rare for a person in my family or social circle not to go to university.

Salary is less important. I can earn my own money.

But a degree doesn’t automatically mean that someone values education.

Goldenbear · 01/10/2025 20:01

I did in the sense of earning less but he was degree educated, like me, my Dad wasn't overly impressed, never said anything to me directly but I could tell but it was early 00s.

Bushmillsbabe · 01/10/2025 20:06

My DH earnt less than me when we met, now he earns more. I looked for someone who worked hard, capable of critical thought, works to live rather than lives to work, ambitious. I think similarity of ambition rather than similarity of earning is important

Sera1989 · 01/10/2025 20:07

I don’t have a degree but have been the higher earner and only house owner in most of my serious relationships. Personality means more to me than someone’s degree or job and I wouldn’t rule someone out based on their earnings (unless they were happily unemployed) but I’d prefer a partner to earn more than me simply because the more money coming in to a household the better. However, not at the detriment of our relationship e.g. long commute, abroad for weeks/months, very long work days etc.

JHound · 01/10/2025 20:09

MagicLoop · 01/10/2025 19:57

Same. For me it's important to have things in common. There's nothing wrong with not having a degree, and obviously there are loads of really intelligent people without degrees, but level of education and an interest in academic stuff are part of what dh and I have in common and they are things I'd have wanted to have in common with any long-term partner.

I find it weird how judgmental and inconsistent people are about other people's preferences when it comes to choosing a partner. Somehow it's fine to prefer dating men with blond hair or a particular physique or an interest in art or rugby, but it's prejudiced to prefer someone academic.

Show quote history

I have noticed a lot of inconsistency in which dating preferences are ok and which are not!

Pricelessadvice · 01/10/2025 20:09

I like someone with intelligence but that doesn’t mean they have to be degree educated. I know some very smart people who don’t have a degree.
Work ethic is important, but not the type of job.

Whichhandbag · 01/10/2025 20:20

Degree? Not sure, but I barely know anybody without one and I went to Oxbridge.

Earnings? I am the main earner in my household and it actually bothers me a lot. This is more down to attitude though, I feel my DH took his foot off the gas because he could. I didn't get that luxury and the pressure is enormous.

DoubtfulCat · 01/10/2025 20:22

I’ve always been more qualified than my LTR partners, but haven’t always earned more. It’s not a deliberate choice but just the way things have gone, and it’s been fine.

PinotPony · 01/10/2025 20:26

I have two degrees and earn £95k. Younger DP just graduated as a mature student and earns £25k. It makes no difference to us.

He’s bright, kind and funny. We have stimulating conversations. He pays his way. If I want to do things he can’t afford, I either offer to pay or go with someone else!

AdoraBell · 01/10/2025 20:27

My DH doesn’t have a degree, he is intelligent.

Pennyhillxxx · 01/10/2025 20:29

Many people are intelligent but were not given the opportunity to go to Uni .
I would never judge anyone who doesn’t have a degree,being a kind ,hardworking human being gets my vote .

ViciousCurrentBun · 01/10/2025 20:32

I used to earn more than my ex, it was an issue for him. If I’m really honest I wouldn’t want to have settled down with anyone who was very low paid. I grew up with not much and wanted to minimise the risk to any children had of those circumstances. I know situations change. DH and I earned pretty much exactly the same when we met.

HighlandCowbag · 01/10/2025 20:33

Best dump my dh then. He does not have a degree, left school at 16, dyslexic as fuck. I didn't have a degree but he supported me through a degree I started at 42, my MA last year and just about to start a PhD. Which he is also supporting me through. Via his own small but successful building company

After 5 years of uni, I have come to the conclusion that you dont actually need to be that intelligent to have one. Well regarded humanities department in a Russel Group uni. Some of the students were clever, majority average, not many with a decent work ethic. It opened my eyes. I always assumed that to get a degree you had to be clever. I got a 1st and just passed the MA with a Distinction. I'm clever, but not amazingly so. Have a good work ethic but in all honesty spent probably 15 hours a week on average to get those results.

Zanatdy · 01/10/2025 20:35

Yes, I think I would if our morals etc matched.

Original poster
CleopatraSelene · 01/10/2025 20:38

MagicLoop · 01/10/2025 19:57

Same. For me it's important to have things in common. There's nothing wrong with not having a degree, and obviously there are loads of really intelligent people without degrees, but level of education and an interest in academic stuff are part of what dh and I have in common and they are things I'd have wanted to have in common with any long-term partner.

I find it weird how judgmental and inconsistent people are about other people's preferences when it comes to choosing a partner. Somehow it's fine to prefer dating men with blond hair or a particular physique or an interest in art or rugby, but it's prejudiced to prefer someone academic.

Show quote history

I think part of the media focus is that more women are getting degrees but less and less men are, so there's a worry that there'll be lots of single men if women don't want to marry degree-less men and that that could cause less couple formation an potential social unrest even.

Maybe it's been a bit overstated though..

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 01/10/2025 20:39

When i first went out with my now husband it didn't occur to me to ask about his education ir if he had a degree. He doesn't. He has an excellent work ethic, nice manners and made me laugh. I have a group of friends and I don't think about whether any of them have it haven't got a degree. They're my friends because I like them.

JHound · 01/10/2025 20:40

HighlandCowbag · 01/10/2025 20:33

Best dump my dh then. He does not have a degree, left school at 16, dyslexic as fuck. I didn't have a degree but he supported me through a degree I started at 42, my MA last year and just about to start a PhD. Which he is also supporting me through. Via his own small but successful building company

After 5 years of uni, I have come to the conclusion that you dont actually need to be that intelligent to have one. Well regarded humanities department in a Russel Group uni. Some of the students were clever, majority average, not many with a decent work ethic. It opened my eyes. I always assumed that to get a degree you had to be clever. I got a 1st and just passed the MA with a Distinction. I'm clever, but not amazingly so. Have a good work ethic but in all honesty spent probably 15 hours a week on average to get those results.

Why do you need to dump him?

Ponderingwindow · 01/10/2025 20:40

warmapplepies · 01/10/2025 19:59

But a degree doesn’t automatically mean that someone values education.

Show quote history

The degree shows they are willing to do the work required. The actual belief in its value is an additional criteria.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 01/10/2025 20:41

😭 what did Owen jones do to you?

Speaking very hypothetically as I am just a mum now, but if I was back working, I would want someone with higher earning potential

No need for a degree at all, but just more money

😬😬

Edit, ive a degree

OP posts:
Original poster
CleopatraSelene · 01/10/2025 20:42

mumofoneAloneandwell · 01/10/2025 20:41

😭 what did Owen jones do to you?

Speaking very hypothetically as I am just a mum now, but if I was back working, I would want someone with higher earning potential

No need for a degree at all, but just more money

😬😬

Edit, ive a degree

Edited

🤣 Well his stance on gender self-ID for one.
.

OP posts:
JHound · 01/10/2025 20:42

CleopatraSelene · 01/10/2025 20:38

I think part of the media focus is that more women are getting degrees but less and less men are, so there's a worry that there'll be lots of single men if women don't want to marry degree-less men and that that could cause less couple formation an potential social unrest even.

Maybe it's been a bit overstated though..

Show quote history

I think this is it but men aren’t owed dates (that’s always the worry that women’s standards mean men won’t find sex and partnership. They never worry about women being locked out of men’s preferences.)

Instructions · 01/10/2025 20:42

My husband's highest qualification is a level 3 and mine is a Masters

I am the breadwinner in our house

He makes it possible for me to do my job and still be a parent and I value his work at least as much as mine because what qualifications you have and how much you bring home don't define your worth