How would you split the cost of this trip?

[GetBendyWithWendy]

Surprise birthday trip for the parent of adult children.

Attending:
The other parent.
One adult child with a spouse and teen.
One single childless adult child.

What is the cost difference of 4 adults vs 3 adults splitting it?

If she is, she’s not entirely alone. I don’t think my kids owe me anything for holidays when they were kids, but I would be pissed off if they were organising a surprise present for me and expecting me to pay towards it - which is, in effect, what my husband contributing means.

It really doesn’t mean that. Otherwise one parent could never buy gifts for the other.

Because it’s a present from the parent + the two children to the other parent.
Not a present from all 5 adults (if you assume the teen is an adult).
And it’s not a hols either where you want to split it fairly.

Youve chosen to give the parent a gift that happens to benefit other people too. Your choice tbh. You could have gone away just the 4 of you (parents plus adult children wo spouse or teen) instead.
With a reminder that the person who benefits the most is the parent. That gets to see the whole family during that stay.

If it were our family we would do:

Total Cost: £800

1adult with no child - £300
Adult couple with teen - £300
Birthday adult & partner - £200 (to account for it being a birthday gift)

If I was the couple with teen I'd probably pay for a special meal/food for the air bnb/outing for the group.

But my siblings are very tight to be honest so I'd most likely end up paying more 🤣

@MaurineWayBack If the other parent wants to be seen as a gift giver, they pay too

But in the case of a couple, and your parents at that, whose joint money funded you through many years of life, that means the birthday person would be paying for their own gift, albeit at a reduced rate. So, it would be a case of ‘happy birthday dad, we are taking you away and making you pay, and giving you you a discount on your share’. That’s not taking someone away.

It’s no different to taking your parents out to dinner if it’s one of their birthdays. At the end you’d really sit there and say ‘Happy birthday dad, I’m paying for yours. Mum, I see you had the steak and a glass of wine, so I’ll need 30 from you’? No one would ever do this. The holiday is no different.

Parents pay for everyone as it's a trip for the parent

Can you write longer than one sentence at a time? (As in, are you physically able to? 😂) This whole thread feels like pulling teeth.

Of course I can write more than one sentence at a time. But what more did you think I needed to say in response to someone asking if I resented paying the money?

Ah, I’ve seen your other posts now. All becomes clear.

@HoppingPavlova
But in the case of a couple, and your parents at that, whose joint money funded you through many years of life, that means the birthday person would be paying for their own gift

In that case, there’s no point for a partner to ever give a present to the other ‘because it’s joint money’
And the example of the meal is exactly that. The children are inviting the parent(s). The non birthday parent doesn’t take any credit for the meal. It’s assumed they’ll have sorted somethimg else for their spouse right?

Every single reply has been just one sentence, so people are having to ask question after question. If you explain the situation, people are more like it to be able to give you relevant answers!

I have explained the situation - and as I’ve had five pages worth of answers, I don’t see the problem. Maybe it’s just you.

It really does mean that. There is a big difference between me and my husband discussing and agreeing that spending money on each other is fine, and jointly deciding how much, and having a (potentially significant) expenditure sprung on me without discussion.

Where are you getting that this is being “sprung” on anyone?

If the non birthday parent is very well off then maybe 25/25/50% (the family) but if not then would say a third/two thirds split as would be a nice gesture to treat the parents and maybe the non birthday parent could then pay for a meal out?

Split it by bedrooms.

I don’t think you have posted the number of bedrooms anywhere, but to me that’s the fairest split. Unless teen is in a box room or small single in which case it comes across as a bit mean to charge for a whole room.
However for the sake of family harmony I would probably suck up an even split.

This. As a divorced adult it does piss me off to always be expected to be happy to pay the same for a small single room or sofa bed in the lounge as couples on 2 incomes getting the nice big room with en suite!

so divide costs by 5
birthday parent goes free
other parent and single adult pay 1/5 each
married couple with teen pay 3/5 (1/5 each)

I think it depends on whose idea it was and how it was pitched. If the adult children have said ‘we want to treat mum’ I sort of think they should be covering the costs for the room for the mum and dad. If the idea came from the Dad as a ‘oh wouldn’t it be nice for us all to get together’ then I think he should be contributing too.

I think number of rooms is also a factor. Im
assuming 4 rooms.

So assuming cost is £1000

in scenario 1

Single child: £375
child with husband and teen: £625

in scenario 2

Dad: £250
Child 1: £250
family: £500

In some families, they might be willing to adjust to split the additional costs of the teen more evenly across so something like below.

Dad: £300
child 1£300
family £400

We split the cost by rooms. If “parents” are in one room we’d cover the cost of that room, if it’s a gift. Same way if the parents who gift it was, was single we’d cover the costs

If other parts of the family require more rooms, as they have more children then they pay for that room. I.e. parents plus two children = 2 rooms that they pay for. If they’re happy all being one one room they pay for a room

Single person has a room and pays for a room

Divide by either 4, or 4.5 ( if you want to include the teen, count them as a half)

Divide the total (£600) by the amount of people going - including the teen. Each group pays their own i.e the other parent pays 1/6 (£100), the family of 3 pay 3/6 (£300) and the singleton pays 1/6 (£100). The remaining 1/6 (£100) for the birthday parent should then be split equally between the 3 groups (£33). I can’t see how it would be split any other way.
Other parent - £133
Family of 3 - £333
Singleton - £133

Whose idea was it?
What actual costs are involved? (Accommodation only? Flights? Etc)
Which one are you in this situation?

Divide the total by 6 to get the cost per person.
other parent pays for 1 person plus 1/3 of birthday parent
2 adults and teen pay for 3 people plus 1/3 of birthday parent
Single person pays for 1 person plus 1/3 of birthday parent