How would you split the cost of this trip?

[GetBendyWithWendy]

Surprise birthday trip for the parent of adult children.

Attending:
The other parent.
One adult child with a spouse and teen.
One single childless adult child.

The single person isn’t bringing a child

Split the cost by room and cover the parents room, as the repetition of ‘only a surprise for one parent’ is bizarre

Why?

Parents pay nothing as to charge 1 something when they are a couple is beyond words.

“Beyond words”?! 😆😆 And no one is being “charged”.

Because of all the years mum and dad took you on holiday as a kid and paid for it

Exactly. If my kids threw a surprise holiday for DH or myself and expected the other to cough up, I’d wonder where the hell we went wrong. It’s a complete arsehole move and if it was for me and I found out they did that, and asked DH to pay ‘his share’, the holiday would be over pronto and I’d be out the door with some very strong words (plus some of those words would be to DH as to why he would agree to it).

You are being utterly ridiculous, @HoppingPavlova.

We did this for my dads birthday
1500 for the rental and we split it 3 equal ways between Mum, me and my brother

Mum brought Dad and they had the (fabulous) master suite
I brought my husband (1 room) and our 2 teen DS who shared 1 room
My brother and his partner (1 room), my adult niece (1 room) and my adult nephew (1 room)

I don’t know how my brother sorted the costs with his family with having grown up children, that was up to him.

I think this worked so well because my mum suggested covering proportionally more than ‘their share’.

edited to add: this wasn’t a surprise trip. I suggested a family getaway for dads birthday

I'm sorry, but from OP's attitude in responses ("you do realise...") and the lack of will to find an easy solution, I think this trip is highly unlikely to be a success, and you should save your parents the trauma of it and do something else.

But birthday parent isn't free. Assuming they have joint finances, they're paying exactly the same as if it wasn't a gift.

@GetBendyWithWendy Why?

Honestly, if you need any explanation, let alone further than what’s above, all hope is lost. You can’t explain decency or respect to someone who doesn’t appear to understand why this would be arsehole move of the century.

Just so glad you are not one of mine🫤.

🙄🙄🙄

Oh, I think we’re both glad about that.

How do you know it is the children throwing the surprise trip? Might have been suggested by the other parent.

You are being extremely overdramatic in any case.

I’ve never read such hyperbolic crap in my life.

I'd expect the parents to get the best room with the ensuite (respect plus birthhday) and the teen end up in the worst room tbh.

But on that basis, no spouse ever buys their spouse a gift - it’s just something that came out of the joint finances.

What’s the room set up?

My husband and I don't buy each other gifts for this reason. We make each other presents or surprise each other with thoughtful things, but anything involving real money is a discussion.

Anyway I think this trip is a terrible idea if you're already bickering.

In my family, the other parent would be the one to pay it all….

Otherwise, I’d do it depending in finances for all involved.
If the other parent is involved and wants to be seen as involved in the b’day present, then all 3 are paying (the 2 adult dcs and the other parent)

That’s very transactional. If you resent the money why are you doing it?

It should be split 4 ways, for each of the adults going. So the other parent if they were involved with planning, pays for 1, the child with a spouse pay 2, and the single child pays 1

And the teen gets last pick of the rooms.

50/50 as it’s a present. Treat both parents

I don’t resent the money.

Lets just say the birthday parent is mum, other parent is dad. Adult Kids are Sarah (Has DH and DD) and Michael (Single).

As the gift is for Sarah and Michaels mum, I would expect the full cost to be split between them. If dad wants to contribute then that comes off the top before splitting.

In my DHs family when the took their parents out for a celebration meal it was split between the 3 siblings. Even though at the time BIL came out 'better' from it as he had children we didn't. SIL came out worst as she didn't have a partner.

Is this a present from the adult children to their parent?

And you need 4 rooms

If so, I would say each adult child pays for their room(s), so the adult with spouse and teen pays for 2 rooms, single adult child pays for 1.
Then the cost of the parents’ room I would split 50:50 between the adult children.

Single adult child pays 37.5% of cost (25% for their room, 12.5% for their half of parents’ room)
Adult child with teen pays 62.5% of cost.

I wouldn’t make the second parent pay. And I wouldn’t consider the impact of a second earner in one of the adult children’s households.

Really?
Because I’m finding your explanation pretty crap tbh.
Im not taking my (adult shock horror) on hols either me with the idea they’ll have to repay me later on by doing the same.

Indo t see my relationship with them as transactional at all.

And re this specific birthday present, I’d treat it like any other present.
If the other parent wants to be seen as a gift giver, they pay too.
If the gift/holuday is from the children only, they pay half each.