How would you split the cost of this trip?

[GetBendyWithWendy]

Surprise birthday trip for the parent of adult children.

Attending:
The other parent.
One adult child with a spouse and teen.
One single childless adult child.

Families often have the least disposable income though - my siblings with kids literally can't afford a holiday - they usually stay with friends or housesit.

So a lot depends on family circumstances and how mich spare money you all have. If money is tight then it sounds like stressful idea!

No, they're paying for 50% of a gift from themselves and their sibling to their parent. Its that simple.

I think it was a poor choice of gift given OP's attitude.

It’s not.

If we chose to spend £2400 on a holiday for my parents birthday, there is no way it would be fair to ask my brother to pay £800 of it while I rock up with my tribe and he brings himself.

Presumably, based on this, you wouldn’t suggest paying for this as a “gift” though

Well then don't buy a joint gift from siblings you can't afford to pay an equal share of.

I disagree. If OP and her sibling were buying an expensive present, e.g. jewellery, it would make perfect sense for them to pay 50/50 for the gift.

If they are renting a house for a holiday, the fact that OP's sibling has a teenage child means that they need an extra bedroom, which makes it more expensive. It seems unfair for the single sibling with no kids to contribute to that, particularly if her married sibling has two incomes, her own and her DH's, while the single sibling has one income.

I think people are getting hung up on this being a gift, when it’s actually a surprise holiday. Take the gift element out, each household pays for the rooms they need - parents x 1 room, single child x 1 room, coupled up child + teen x 2 rooms. In effect, a 4 way split.

The holiday is the birthday celebration, not the gift.

Quite. I think these group things work best when people are approaching it generously. If I could afford to pay for my other parent's place I hope I'd try to do that rather than insisting that they pay for themselves, much like if I were to buy one parent a night in a hotel, I would cover the cost of the whole room not half of it. But affordability plays a significant role. And it's one thing to offer, but quite another for someone else to assume you will stump up more than you feel is fair.

If it was the agreed gift for a parent from the other parent, sibling 1 and sibling 2, then of course each gift giver should pay the same. If there's a massive difference in family size, it might not be a sensible gift to choose, though.

The problem is that OP is thinking of this as shared costs for a family holiday, which should be split per room, rather that a gift given equally from 2 siblings, where the cost should be split 50:50 (or 2 siblings and a parent, with the cost split in thirds).

What’s your point? Surely anyone posting on a Mumsnet thread knows the OP won’t change their mind. It’s advice, not a directive.

Same price per person

Its a gift for OP and her siblings parent, from OP and her sibling.

Me and my sibling would just go 50/50. If you’re not happy to pay for other people then I’d suggest you, sibling and spouse split the cost 3 ways.

I didn’t say you had to change your mind 😵‍💫😵‍💫

I’m not sure why you’re here really when you have your mind set and that’s that. You seem to be arguing with those who don’t agree with you or are challenging you. What’s the point? You won’t even say who you are in this set up, even though it’s very evident. 🤷‍♀️

You’re contradicting yourself. You say I don’t have to change my mind, but then criticise me for having my mind set. Both these things can’t be true.

Why are you so obsessed with knowing who I am in the story? You’ve never once said why you need to know. I have asked several times why it would affect your view and you’ve never answered. And if, as you say, “it’s very evident” (complete with patronising little shrug emoji), surely you don’t need me to say?

I think people are just trying to figure out the family dynamics OP. I know you don’t think it makes a difference, but it does. If you ve got parents who are usually generous and offer to pay for group holidays, you’d sort of expect them to pay for this trip too. If you don’t get on that well, but feel obligated to attend this holiday, you won’t want to pay more than the bare minimum.

Have you actually spoken to your parents / siblings with regards to this now, given that it’s been almost a week since you started the thread? What do they think?

Im not contradicting myself at all. I never said you had to change your mind, you brought that up, not me. Your mind is set so why bother getting anyone else’s opinions? All that’s happening is you’re getting hostile towards others. I keep asking who you are as I think you’ll get better, more constructive opinions. It’s the fact you won’t say who you are which is just ridiculous, like you can’t admit it because you know the pile on you’ll get 🤷‍♀️ <— this is not patronising.

50% of the cost.
We're a low income family in comparison to my 4 siblings, who are all professionals.
I always pay my fair share, even though it impacts my budget.

It should be split equally excluding the teenager.x 4.

.

This is the kind of vitriol you churn out.

Not sure exactly what you were trying achieve here OP, but the only person you've made look bad is yourself.

I have reported your post @GetBendyWithWendy taking screenshots from other threads isn’t on at all