How would you split the cost of this trip?

[GetBendyWithWendy]

Surprise birthday trip for the parent of adult children.

Attending:
The other parent.
One adult child with a spouse and teen.
One single childless adult child.

I wouldn't think it much of a surprise present for me if my kids expected my husband to also pony up!

The gift is for the Mum to have all her family with her so the cost of that happening should just be halved between the 2 kids gifting her the surprise.

Again, did you see my comment clarifying why we have this arrangement? Why it works?

You're just ignoring that part, in order to have another little dig?

I wouldn't think it much of a surprise present for me if my kids expected my husband to also pony up!

My mother’s not like that, thankfully.

It’s a present to yourself, something you want to do that happened to be around the date of the birthday parent. Not Somethimg planned around the birthday parent.

This isn’t true.

I’d do per room
so if it’s £800 for 4 bedrooms
£200 parent
£200 single
£400 parents and teen

So each family unit paying for themselves. Not clear how this is a big birthday present!

Still not had much relevant information from you OP. Which one are you in this scenario??
In my view, the 2 siblings pay 50/50. Job done.

What relevant information are you missing, @Change2banon?

Well you’ve answered 1 already to say whose idea it was. But to go further on that, given it as a collective idea, what was discussed at the time re cost etc?
What actual costs are involved? (Accommodation only? Flights? Transport Etc)
Most important, Which one are you in this situation?
Why do you need the thoughts of mn if you already have in your head what you want to do?

Most important, Which one are you in this situation?

That’s not the most important thing at all. Surely if you have any idea of what split is fair, you think it’s fair regardless of who is asking?

You just want to know out of nosiness curiosity!

There isn’t an objectively “fair” split. There are too many factors, a parent for whom it is supposed to be a gift, a child with more children etc.

Not nosiness. And you’re still not saying… that says it all really 🤷‍♀️

So we have done various versions of this and it all hinges on whose idea it is. So my mum may say let's go away and she pays the whole bill, if it was for my mum and dad my brother and I would split the cost between us. If it was a joint enterprise we would split three ways. Expenses during the trip we spilt in a sort of haphazard way but would end up paying about equal, food, meals out etc.

Ok hun.

Don’t do it.

You’re clearly quite hostile about talking about this, even anonymously to strangers.

When you do this kind of holiday, you have to welcome the idea that you might end up paying what you consider your fair share because you’re going on what others think of a fair split. You have to focus on the fact that you’re all having a nice time on holiday together. Not who paid what and who had how much of that or the biggest bedroom etc. I don’t think you’ll be able to do that. You’re going to end up arguing with your family.

You’re clearly quite hostile about talking about this, even anonymously to strangers.

I'm not hostile at all. I’m just interested as to why @Change2banon needs to know who I am in the story. She claims it’s not nosiness - so what is it?

It’s a reasonable question.

It's hilarious to post a personal situation and then to call people nosy for asking about it!
I get that it can be tricky to work out who pays what in situations like these, but your prickly replies show you're not really open to changing your mind anyway.

Why though? If someone has a view on what is the right split, surely that is still their view no matter who’s asking?

But there’s no reason anyone needs to ask. She’s claiming it’s the most vital piece of information, when actually it has no impact at all. She only wants to know for her own purposes.

Interesting that certain people are so quick to dismiss an OP as “prickly” or “defensive” if they dare to stand their ground…

There is no “fair way to split”. That’s the point. The “fairest way to split” is very likely to be different depending on which person you are in the situation.

What do YOU think is the fairest way to split it OP?

It isn’t the point though. The point I am making is entirely unrelated.

Where there’s a fair split is ultimately for me to worry about. It’s your opinion that there’s no one way fair way to split, and that’s a valid opinion. But my point still stands. Why do YOU need to know who’s who in the story to express that opinion? You don’t. Does your view that there is no fair split change if I tell you I’m the parent, or I’m the childless sibling, or I’m a friend sharing their situation? It shouldn’t.

I have said this earlier in the thread. 4-way split between the adults.

But there are five adults if you don’t include the birthday parent.