How would you split the cost of this trip?

[GetBendyWithWendy]

Surprise birthday trip for the parent of adult children.

Attending:
The other parent.
One adult child with a spouse and teen.
One single childless adult child.

Eh? How do you get five?

Sorry, I misread and thought you had an adult child.

I’m guessing you’re the single, childless child. If you begrudge paying the same as your sibling. Don’t go. You’re not going on an individual holiday, you’re going as a family. You’re paying as a family unit. You have to not think about it in terms of your own individual unit.

Just don’t do it.

But why is your BIL/SIL responsible for paying for the gift that you and your sibling are giving to your parent? Do you buy your BIL/SILs parents expensive birthday gifts?

Lol - arsehole move of the century!! Hyperbole on steroids!

Unless it was my birthday, I wouldn't ever expect my adult children to pay for my holiday/trip. It's more likely that I would subsidise one of my children who is a much lower earner than the other two and whose wage is probably less than my pensions.

You wouldn’t expect a parent to pay anything towards the cost of their child?

Because she thinks that you are the single adult child so would prefer to split the cost between the four adults. If you are the single adult child, I do think that your sister or brother with a spouse and a teen needs to pay more than you, even if you decide to pay for both parents.

? That's not remotely related to what I said.

You and your sibling are buying your parent an expensive birthday gift. You seem to think that your siblings partner needs to also contribute equally to this expensive birthday gift even though it was decided by you and your sibling and being gifted from you and your sibling.

Do you buy your BIL/SILS parents expensive gifts? I suspect not. So why do you expect them to buy your parents an expensive gift?

We always split on number of rooms occupied. So if one family uses two rooms, but another uses one, the first family pay double what the second do.
In this case, whoever is giving the trip as a gift pays a share of the cost - if that includes the non-surprise parent then they pay their share.

Genuine question, do you feel like you're answering people's questions in a chill and breezy manner? Because you've come here to ask people's opinions, and you really are coming across as short, prickly, and defensive. Which is of course fine, you do you and all that, but are you honestly oblivious to how you're coming across?

But the cost of the gift is materially affected by the number of people involved. It’s not like buying a physical item where the cost is the same no matter how it’s split.

I’ve answered questions perfectly politely. I’ve only become frustrated when people push for irrelevant information because they want a bit of the juice.

Do you buy your BIL/SILS parents expensive gifts? I suspect not. So why do you expect them to buy your parents an expensive gift?

Why would anyone buy their BIL or SILs parents gifts, expensive or otherwise? It’s not a comparable relationship.

But who has arranged it and wants to go?

The spouse might not actually be that keen and be happy to stay home with the kids if it means they don’t occur half the cost.

It’s not irrelevant and you’ve been hostile and rude.

It is irrelevant. And I’m only being “hostile” to people who refuse to get the point.

I think the two adult children should split the cost 50:50.

But even so, if you and your sibling choose the gift, you pay for the gift. You dont have the right to spend other people's money by deciding on an expensive gift and expecting someone else to pay for a big chunk of it. An appropriate gift for a PIL is a box of chocolates, not an expensive holiday!

Hahaha you make me laugh @GetBendyWithWendy .. you’re being hostile to those who have a different opinion to your thoughts. You are assuming lots about me, none of which is true 🤷‍♀️ I really don’t understand why you’re being so cagey about giving some information 🤷‍♀️

Why do you need to know?

Thinking about it, if my brother in law and husband arranged a holiday for us and their parents and his brother expected me and my husband to cover half the cost, I’d definitely stay home with the kids.

What an odd comment.

My siblings and myself would just split the cost between us. But we are a close family and would never expect one person to pay more for having an extra child.

Maybe it's not that they "refuse to get the point", more they don't happen to agree with you.

Very simply, I think the full cost of the gift should be split equally by the people who decided on the gift and who are giving the gift. So really 50:50 between the 2 siblings. I think that the other parent may also want to help the kids out and chip in too, which, if parents can easily afford it, the the siblings should graciously accept whatever the parent offers. I dont think an IL should be expected to contribute to an expensive holiday that they probably are only going on for their spouses benefit.

You’re clearly the single adult and are miffed that you have to pay a share of your siblings spouse and teen 🤔

I might be losing my marbles here, but if I was going on holiday - for any reason - why wouldn’t I pay for going?

When we went for my step dad’s birthday last year we paid both mine and my partners share. I don’t think it would have been appropriate for him to not come, and it’s our money that paid for a break we were both going on.

Surely if you’re with someone long term, there’s an expectation they come on family breaks if invited because they’re part of your family, and it wouldn’t be free for them to come because they’re a paying adult?