Is there a worrying class divide with parenting?

[teaandcupcake]

I saw a tweet (and subsequent TikTok) about this and found it interesting.

The author of the tweet and the girl on TikTok were basically saying they notice the way their middle-class friends parent their small kids is screen-free, lots and lots of books, lots of time and attention. Their toddlers can read and write. In contrast, teacher friends at deprived primaries have shared stories of reception starters in nappies, children who have no idea how to turn the page of a book or use a knife and fork.

The concern being that the divide between middle-class and working-class children is going to be so vast in the future we ‘can’t even fathom it right now’

I found it interesting as the topic of reception children starting school without reaching basic milestones has been discussed on here many times before but not whether it’s class issue and what’s causing this.

When? And where?
things have gotten extremely competitive the past few years in London, and now with VAT is all another level.
and of course there are great brilliant students who do not get tutored and get in, but now they really a very small percentage, unfortunately.

I think (some) middle class parents are just as useless. They are certainly more entitled and think their little darlings should be able to do what they like, even if they manage to potty train them before school.

Essex. CCHS a few years back.Had to be in the top 125 out of approximately 12/1300 applicants

Actually neither niece nor nephew had tutoring either and are both currently attending grammars in Kent

I have taught in high-performing, selective private schools for almost twenty years.

In my experience, the children who do well are those where screentime is strictly limited and there is a lot of engagement between parents and children. Children whose access to screens is more or less unpoliced, and whose parents spend little time one on one with them, perform worse academically and are more likely to struggle emotionally.

It’s not a class issue (the vast majority of pupils I’ve worked with have been from MC or UMC backgrounds), but an engagement issue. There might therefore be a loose correlation with class, in as much as some WC parents might be less able or inclined to invest that screen-free, one to one time with their children, but it’s not BECAUSE of social class.

i did want to be screen free until i had one and realised it was probably unrealistic of me to think i could do it. like unfortunately mine is 18 months old so activities where he can engage while i get chores and work done are limited. like there are times i have to put him in the bouncer etc. genuinely wanting advice how do i teach a 18 months old to be bored as i have seen suggested here because right now the only way he will stay in the bouncer happy is me putting on the dancing fruits for him or pokemon tv

I don't have a bouncer for my 18month old. If im doing chores in the lounge, she'll just roam across the room playing with whatever toys there are (current favourite is pushing a toy buggy around). If im in the kitchen, she likes to play with magnets on the fridge or bang a spoon against the metal bin. If im doing something that might be dangerous to have her roaming free, we have a travel cot in the lounge filled with toys and she plays in there whilst I do a bit of ironing. I can still chat to her, sing nursery rhymes etc. I try and leave a lot of my chores to the evening or weekend though so that DH can either do them or entertain the DC whilst I do them.

Exactly

Screens aren't essential. They're not even necessary.

Iik many cases, it is sheer laziness/lack of imagination in coming up with an alternative.

I think when it comes to housework and toddlers the best thing is for the house to be as toddler safe as possible so you don't have to constantly watch them or have them sat in front of a screen when you need to get some jobs done.

Just to add @motheroflittledragon we are not a completely screen free household. I don't want to misrepresent us. We also have a 4.5yo who loves Hey Duggee and watching the little Frozen short films on Disney. So the little one does get exposed to tv via the big one's tv time (although we do try and avoid that happening too much). But that's why I make a real effort when its just she and I to keep the tv off. The big one gets less than 30mins after school (usually 1 or 2 Hey Duggees - so around 15/20mins) before the little one gets in from nursery and maybe an hour total over the weekend?

ok that makes sense. like we do try to limit it too but unfortunately screaming banshee or climbing mountain goat is not something i can cope with while filling in form etc

I absolutely get what you're saying. It seems to me,though, that sole benefit claimants are now described as " working class" which irks me greatly.

I think if you are going to have the tv on for certain things, id try and leave the dancing fruits alone and move to something that is at least relatively educational. Toddler Club on cbeebies has songs and stories, the plot on In The Night Garden is mad but is very low stimulating and has little story lines they can start to follow, CBeebies Bedtime Story is reading a book. When they get to 2y ish, Something Special is brilliant for makaton signs to help with communication. At least there's some value in that rather than lots of flashing bright lights.

The New Yorker journalist Jia Tolentino did an excellent piece on Cocomelon & how it is designed to be addictive & exploits poor working parents esp who want something to entertain their kids with.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.newyorker.com/magazine/2024/06/17/cocomelon-children-television-youtube-netflix&ved=2ahUKEwiewb6Y1oOQAxVxWUEAHTOJHtMQFnoECA0QAQ&usg=AOvVaw2a53kRoWmmJVWdOYO2WJgh

This will sound sanctimonious but hand on heart this is true: mine never watched a screen until
they started reception. What they don’t know, they don’t ask for. And after that it was only at the weekends, 30min or so at the end of the afternoon.
They never saw us watching TV.
I’m no super woman, obviously I needed breaks especially with twins and zero family around. My strategy was to rotate between jumperoo, an XL playpen (2 playpens combined actually) with lots of toys, and playmats with interesting textures etc.
I also used to give them baby books in their cot beds when they would wake up in the morning / after a nap to give me an extra 10-15min of down time - didn’t realise that it meant that books would then become a super efficient distraction! So when in the buggy or in a restaurant for ex, as long as I had enough books to switch every 5-10min I would be fine. They are 10 now, still taking books with them all the time!

What's wrong with art & horseriding? Odd to compare to drugs & drink.

Underage sex is not ideal but do you really think it should ruin someone's reputation?

Yes, before screens there have always been things kids did to keep entertained

we usually have a cartoon called shimajiro in mandarin which is a little tiger and his family or bluey in mandarin. dancing fruits can be helpful if out for a meal as we can’t have the volume on.

Tbf I recently read the hair-raising thriller House Rules about doping of jockeys in 70s US racing. I heavily doubt that's what EmeraldShamrock means though! 🤣

Yhat sounds really cute...I don't think cartoons are harmful per se, but ones designed to be addictive like Cocomelon with very bright colours etc are

i tried books and reading to him as a morning routine. he saw it more as a missile launch training or opportunity to chew books lol he did this morning finally pick a sound book though so maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel 🤣😂🤣

Sorry, if I can ask, is it definitely Mandarin? If it's this one, it's Japanese- unless it's a Mandarin remake or dubbed?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shima_Shima_Tora_no_Shimajir%C5%8D

Yes people Nedd to support local libraries where available.

Oh yes, chewing books, sound books etc are all fine. The idea is that they see it as a familiar object.
Let me add, reading to them will eagerly waiting for their dad to come back from work was also what kept me sane (and them quiet!)

mandarin dubbed 巧虎. he loves it.

Nope, not unheard of at all. I have known children get EHCP and special school places in as little as 4 months from referral, these are families from a huge variety of backgrounds, often with English as a 2nd language and therefore limited ability to navigate the system - it's just standard practice in our London borough. I know it's not like that everywhere though.