It’s all such bloody hard work

[Uggbootsforever]

It’s all just such hard work, the standards are so high. Yes I know you’ll say ‘it’s all optional’ but how optional is it when everyone else around you is doing things and you don’t want your child to be the odd one out?

Lunch boxes. My mum did a sandwich (honey, marmite or jam), an apple, and a penguin bar. Now you have to cut bloody veg sticks, have fresh sandwich fillings ready and available, constant healthy ‘snacks’ (I swear my mum never carried or offered me a snack?!).

Birthday parties. They used to be straightforward and fairly cheap and now they’re all about balloon arches, ‘wonderlands’, themes and elaborate commissioned cakes.

Kids don’t play out now. They hover round you 24/7 demanding things while you try in vain to do the 100 housework tasks that need doing.

I feel like slowly but surely our house has transformed into a place where everything is about the kids 24/7. My parents used to think nothing of sitting and watching a programme they wanted to see, while we played around them. I don’t think I have ever done this, whatever is on is always bloody CBeebies.

Every parent I know is still woken in the night by their 4/5/6 year old children who insist on sleeping in their bed (including me). I just want to sleep in my own bloody bed, to close my eyes at 11pm and open them at 6.30 with nobody crying or shouting me awake in between. Before becoming a parent it didn’t cross my mind I would still be being woken every night 6 years later.

I love my kids but, argh. Why are we doing this to ourselves. Ready to be told how unreasonable I am etc

It's down to the parents not to buy into the things they don't want to do.

*If parties are hard work for you dont do them. Simple . I took a select few out to a theme park
have you seen the cost of theme parks these days 🤣

Of course i have, but it is less stressful than having a big group of kids falling out and fighting, having celebratory cakes, a balloon arches and putting on perfect food sorting out party bags that an A lister would be proud to receive, and listening to them whinge that they are bored after 10 mins.
To be fair, I'd happily throw money at that than have a kids party in my house! 😆

Cakeandcardio
It's not though. I don't share anything on social media and I still see it and feel the pressure.,
Where's this pressure coming from, whose judging you and why do you care about their thoughts?

People have always judged and put social pressure on others. Its how you respond is what matters.

I know i was gossiped about by school gate parents, but fuck 'em, seriously. They dont matter, they are not in my life and my kids learned you don't do show off things to impress other people because where does it stop.

Im sorry you’re struggling
Whilst some is not possible to avoid , I do think sometimes we make a rod for our own backs
I see it with my young nieces and nephews and how they’re parented - whatever they want they get eg their tv show / their music on in the car.
They are not told no . Timings are rigid around them too - no flexibility !
The parties I think comes down to parents feeling they have to keep up in some
way- when mine were little (20 and 18 now) they had small parties either in the house or I took a handful of their friends out to McDonald’s / soft play . We did basic party bags - yes all the stuff ended up in landfill !

My kids did get bored but made dens - I didn’t constantly stimulate them .

You can sleep train. No 5/6/7 year old needs to be getting in bed with you unless they have SEN or are ill.

DS’s packed lunch is usually a cheese sandwich on brown bread, some biscuits and dried fruit in a tub with a satsuma. Apple for morning break. No fancy crudités or wraps with different fillings every day.

Birthday parties in a hall with a party tea, pass the parcel or a bouncy castle. Or pay for 5-10 friends to go trampolining etc. No balloon arches, no massive sums of money or keeping up with the Jones’s.

I don’t think parents should sit scrolling on their phones ignoring their DC for hours on end, but it shouldn’t be an issue for DC to play independently while you read or get on with things in the house. Cut yourself some slack.

FFS! I know! I'm a huge make up junkie but I don't even buy the really expensive stuff. £17 for a lipgloss is madness. I could justify around that for a lipstick pre DS if it was an interesting shade, but lipgloss is never very pigmented.

I end up feeling guilty if I want to read a book or Mumsnet for a bit, drives me potty that I feel like that!

While I think back to my childhood and an average Sunday highlight might be going with my dad to B&Q as he picked out supplies to do DIY with.

This!! OMG this so much 😅 And it got to the point where this was actually exciting! Poking about the different types of wood, paint, plants. What does this do, what's that for. Sitting on the massive trolley. Sitting in the back of the car holding onto a long plank of wood which could have easily decapitated me in the event of an accident.

We live overseas now, in an apartment, so there's none of this for our DC. But when they were 8/9/10yo they would quite happily play with cars and toys in their room, read, listen to music on a little radio, read some more, come out for some food, build something out of magnatiles or lego, crochet, draw, bicker, practice their instrument, build some ridiculous den or contraption for hot wheels, decorate a pinboard. When they got bored they'd join in with whatever we were doing: go for a bike ride, cook (get in the way more likely), sort out old newspapers for recycling and spend ages reading and looking at bits and pieces, come out to the dry cleaner with one of us, come to the pharmacy or whatever other errand. The time just flew by. Such happy memories of little chatterboxes next to us, wittering on about this or that, asking random questions and telling stupid jokes. Gosh, I'm getting all teary and soppy now!

*lastdayofseptember · Today 15:09

Uggbootsforever · Today 15:06
If parties are hard work for you dont do them. Simple . I took a select few out to a theme park
have you seen the cost of theme parks these days 🤣
It also assumes you live near one and all the invitees can get there.

I only invited enough that would fit in a car( no, im not assuming everyone has a car, im talking about my life expierence) and ok maybe not everyone has a theme park on their doorstep. We don't. Our nearest one is 89 miles away.

We travelled to it but it's doesn't have to be a theme park, it could be a special day in the city with child plus two friends or an event they would like to go locally as a treat. Im sure people could use their imagination.
Oh wait, maybe im not so sure seeing that people are quick to pick holes with my post instead of looking for alternative ideas.

And before people start nit picking and mentioning costs again I was saying this could be a stress free alternative for those that would do celebratory cakes, balloon arches, child entertainers and inflatable bouncy castles but are getting stressed with it all.

Ok, well really cheap Edwardian costume would be get school grey trousers, cut away at the bottom so it’s rags. Drop in mud a few times and then let them dry.

take a dark t-shirt and cut away at the bottom so it’s jagged. Do the same to the sleeves. Get a load of stains on it and let then dry.

voila, an Edwardian urchin.

Surely a lot of this is internet and social media driven. It’s capitalism, sparking desire for stuff we don’t need then charging ridiculous prices. Like the £23 lip gloss for schoolgirls.

Yes, definitely capitalism.

The other ludicrous obsession with this young generation is over priced water bottles. The Air Up trend, for example, was ridiculous. My DC were in the definite minority in not owing one in their respective classes and I felt like a tyrant, but honestly, I do not want to spend £30+ on a water bottle and then have to go to the effort of procuring flavoured refills when the old ones ran out. Evidently, however, there were plenty of parents who were willing to.

That's why they invented phones and computer games!

Could you reframe it?
You don’t HAVE to make healthy lunches, you get to. I still make my teenagers packed lunches, because I know they are eating healthily that way.
Why don’t they play outside? Plenty of kids still do…Can they be encouraged to?
oh, and editing to add, sleeping in your bed should be an absolute no, take them back every time.

Exactly. What do you enjoy about parenting OP? Maybe focus on that and do more of it!

Shirt tucked in to long skirt?

I presume this is why more and more people are choosing to remain child-free, or having just one child? When I was in school in the 1990s, there were two children in my class who didn’t have siblings. In my nephew’s class (8 and 9 year-olds), about half the pupils are onlies.

We don’t do elf on the shelf. That was a red line for me. But I am not exaggerating when I say that we are just about the only ones around here that don’t do it. My kids are always pouting around Christmas about the fact that they don’t have an elf.

I refuse to pretend the fuckers are real. I literally will say I just don’t have time for it. And it makes me feel bad that they are disappointed about it but Jesus Christ, it’s about the only thing they don’t get

What would also be helpful is if school lunches were healthy and nutritious by default. But they are not.

No it's money and house prices. Pretty much everyone I know who has limited their families it's been because of space and childcare costs.

When Britain achieves "Net Zero". We will be living in caves wearing heavy clothes and no makeup as hairgrowth will be encouraged to keep warm.

At 11?? I was still collecting POGs! 😂

There's a lot of people making a lot of money out of all you parents. Make non commercial things fun again. My friend and I would roam freely, climb trees rtc etc. and I stuffed my face with lollies and cakes from the baker. I grew up happy, with friends and s partner and nice family.. I didnt grow up stark raving mad.

Yep, and in schools, the kids can't read by themselves, chat to each other, basically do anything without an adult guiding them. Lovely lovely kids, just absolutely dependent on adults

School, nursery and toddler groups encourage children to ‘snack’ and have lots of snack times so they expect it when they’re at home. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

It used to drive me made - but did say no at home - or re-directed to milk.

I also got fed up with dress up days - it got expensive fast though usually did amazon or supermarkets - but even red/blue/green/sport top we often didn't have and had to go got often at very short notice - (thank fuck for amazon prime and actual next day delivery in those days).

Did parties every few years - did range of paid for experinces and at home - all were expensive and stressful though kids had fun.

They went to bed rleatively early so I did get to see adult TV.

I suspect if you could sort the 3 am waking you'd get more sleep and it would all feel more managable - I don't know what to suggest - any idea of the cause - food/toilet next door getting up for work otherwise it's putting back to bed every time which if she sharing a room (which we found better for sleep that age) is diffcult.

Lunch boxes I do as basic as possible, prob frowned upon what I put in but I don't have time for fannying around.
Parties, only ever done 1. Tend to just do family stuff, days out.
Do agree with the playing, when my kids play they tend to want me to join in so not much chance to get on with anything. But then I feel guilty if they are sat on their tablets.
Rarely have the TV on, we only tend to watch stuff when kids in bed.
Kids haven't been in our bed for years. Occasionally woken up by youngest when poorly.