It’s all such bloody hard work

[Uggbootsforever]

It’s all just such hard work, the standards are so high. Yes I know you’ll say ‘it’s all optional’ but how optional is it when everyone else around you is doing things and you don’t want your child to be the odd one out?

Lunch boxes. My mum did a sandwich (honey, marmite or jam), an apple, and a penguin bar. Now you have to cut bloody veg sticks, have fresh sandwich fillings ready and available, constant healthy ‘snacks’ (I swear my mum never carried or offered me a snack?!).

Birthday parties. They used to be straightforward and fairly cheap and now they’re all about balloon arches, ‘wonderlands’, themes and elaborate commissioned cakes.

Kids don’t play out now. They hover round you 24/7 demanding things while you try in vain to do the 100 housework tasks that need doing.

I feel like slowly but surely our house has transformed into a place where everything is about the kids 24/7. My parents used to think nothing of sitting and watching a programme they wanted to see, while we played around them. I don’t think I have ever done this, whatever is on is always bloody CBeebies.

Every parent I know is still woken in the night by their 4/5/6 year old children who insist on sleeping in their bed (including me). I just want to sleep in my own bloody bed, to close my eyes at 11pm and open them at 6.30 with nobody crying or shouting me awake in between. Before becoming a parent it didn’t cross my mind I would still be being woken every night 6 years later.

I love my kids but, argh. Why are we doing this to ourselves. Ready to be told how unreasonable I am etc

Well, yes, the things mentioned on this thread cost a lot of money - big birthday parties with elaborate cakes, endless Christmas activities from grottos to pantomimes etc. Out of the choice of 1 child and being able to afford nice activities and lots of holidays, and having multiple children and being able to afford those things less, people are increasingly choosing the former.

Theme park is the worst possible advice ever...what a bloody nightmare that would be. There is nothing more likely to make kids (even normally calm, well-behaved kids) have a meltdown than the over-stimulation and plastic tat that is everywhere in a theme park. Taking other people's kids as well just adds to the trauma.

Now you have to cut bloody veg sticks, have fresh sandwich fillings ready and available, constant healthy ‘snacks’ (I swear my mum never carried or offered me a snack?!). No you don't - I don't. My lunch boxes are generally crap. My kids are ok.
Birthday parties. They used to be straightforward and fairly cheap and now they’re all about balloon arches, ‘wonderlands’, themes and elaborate commissioned cakes. I don't think I've been to any kids birthday like this and I certainly don't do it for my kids.
My husband will watch sport and the kids have to watch it or play.
My six year old comes into my bed sometimes and the amount is reducing all the time. My 9 year old doesn't at all. I'll miss it once it doesn't happen any more.

I do see the points you make but at the same time you don't have to go along with it if you don't want to.

Deleted

I read this and think when did women get so bloody wet? Why can't you say no to your kids/tell them to sort themselves out/no they can't have a party that costs £500?

I also never, ever did any dressing up bullshit for primary school. I hate everything about dressing up, I was perfectly able to have a conversation with my kids about why I wasn't doing it (we both work FT, I'm not buying crappy nylon superhero costumes off amazon and no I don't have time to go to a charity shop) and they are fine. If they really, really wanted to do something then we might have had a conversation about it, but sorting out nonsense for primary school is fairly low down the list of things I care about at the end of a day.

And since you ask, I do judge parents that go all out. I mean, your holiday of a lifetime shouldn't be before you're 16 IMO. Otherwise it's downhill all the way....

I hear you OP. I remember at my daughter's 10th birthday party at a bowling alley. One girls brought her mobile phone along, and because none of the other kids had a phone (yes, it was a decade ago), they just flocked round the phone looking at content rather than doing anything else. Luckily I was able to ask the girl to put her phone away.

Now my kids are older, we struggle so much to find something to watch together, because they can just watch stuff tailored just to them on their devices. ...and I hark back to the 'bad old days' when you'd watch any old shite with your parents, because...well..there wasn't much alternative amusement.

You are so right! I am 50 plus and I don't think I ever had a birthday party as a child. I remember once going to the local shop with my sister on my birthday and buying a big bag of ready salted crisps! I don't remember ever feeling hard done by.

I loved my childhood and I actually feel sorry for kids today. They always seem to be bored!

I can honestly say it's not like that where I live (but I'm not in the UK). Kids birthday parties are either at home with pizza, cake, sweets in a bag after and games. Or at a hall/ swimming pool for a play in or out, pizza and cake. In the winter it's at the nearest hill for sledging and grilling hotdogs on the fire. Gifts are small, cards are drawings and parents sit around and have coffee and eat cake.

My on didn't want a phone until he was 12, kids just knock on each other, they go to the football pitch on their bikes and come home when they're hungry.

I talk to friends and family in the UK and I'm so bloody relieved it's not like that here!

To your last point, what if a couple really loves travel and wants to do an extravagant holiday because they really want to go to a place or have a particular experience? Should they abandon their passion for 18 years and wait until their kids are no longer dependent? Forgoing your needs for the sake of not spoiling your children - isn’t that just another example of the ‘martyr’ behaviour that parents are expected to engage in these days?

DP and I don’t have kids yet, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to have boring ‘child-friendly’ holidays for 2 decades. If we want to go to Patagonia or Japan or Tanzania, then that’s where we’ll go, child or no child.

DP and I don’t have kids yet

you don’t say.

I found the word no really useful. It’s you that’s conforming to all of this consumerism. Just say no.

Haha. We’re actually still on the fence! Thankfully we’re aligned on only having 1, if we do go down the baby route, which would mean we’re more likely to be able to continue with our travel goals.

Also, separate point, but DP’s parents are from a country/culture where grandparents are REALLY involved in child-rearing and it’s not uncommon for grandparents to look after their grandchild(ren) for a whole summer, so we may not even need to worry about dragging a child on our extravagant trips.

Someone hasn’t read my posts!

Yeah, I said that word for word. I was planning a trekking holiday in Nepal when I was pregnant and went snowboarding when I was 5 months. You’ll learn.

🤣 sweet summer children!

Release yourself from this OP, it’s really that simple. I’ve never done a birthday party for DS, we usually just take one friend out with us for a decent day out. Stress free and fun for everyone.
I’ve never let DS sleep in my bed unless really poorly and needing attention in the night. Just take them back to their own bed and say no.
I don’t really see the issue with one snack in between meals, we understand children’s metabolism better now and they do actually need snacks.
Put what you want on the tele. This is all within your control.

I don’t want to be that poster, but I don’t relate to this at all. Admittedly where I live is not very materialistic or flashy but my children have always slept in their own beds right from when they were in their Moses basket. The elder one went through a phase of coming into us in the night, but we just took her back to bed each time until it stopped.

I’ve never bought a balloon arch or had a theme for a party. I either make the cake myself or buy it from Tesco. It’s the 6 year-old‘s birthday soon and she’s having a tea party at home with a kitchen disco. We will probably do some face paints and glitter tattoos and I might make some cupcakes for them to decorate. I don’t anticipate any complaints! We get the same birthday decorations out of the loft each time it’s anyone’s birthday in the family!

Agree

Some of these posts make me wonder whether they have kids at all

Also I watch Match of the Day on a Sunday morning. They can watch it with me or go off and play in their rooms but they know it’s “mummy’s football time” 🤣

Me too! Rimmel was my go to and age 40 with a much higher disposable income than when I was a teen and the ability (and track record) to buy more expensive make up and Rimmel concealer is still the best! It felt like a treat to graduate to the more expensive brands of things when I worked my way up through my job in my 20s and 30s. What will ther expectations be like then?!

You are right.
It is hard.
That’s why I only had one.

Well, that does make a huge difference, doesn’t it?

My parents died before I had children, so irrespective of the culture using them as childcare was clearly not an option.

Booking Center Parcs rather than Cuba when you have preschool children isn’t just indulgent parents. But some things do have to go on the back burner for a while. It isn’t forever and in the context of a child’s life it’s not actually that long (feels like it!) but it’s impossible to just pretend life can carry on much as it ever did; it can’t.

I hear you! And you ANBU!

I think parents with children who are currently between the ages of 5-11 should only respond. My teenager was never this hard when she was younger compared to my 8 year old.
I personally think it’s down to all the ‘power’ children have been given through other agencies including the government. When your child say they are emotionally affected by you telling them they aren’t able to do something, ‘safeguarding’ and ‘social services’ alarm bells start to ring in parents ears.
I am an extremely competent and fair parent and my teenager has said so herself. Even she questions society and the changes that have taken place in the last few years. We can’t blame Covid for everything, those higher up have a lot to answer for.
Rant over!

oh and if I had the money, I would seriously consider boarding school as an option 🤣!

I don’t know, I did a hiking trip in the Canadian Rockies last month and saw plenty of children, from babies to teenagers, accompanying parents on hikes, canoeing, lake swimming etc. They were mostly American families, so it could be cultural. Anyway, I don’t see why you can’t take a child on big adventure trips, disabilities aside.

I’ve taken mine on plenty of lifetime holidays. They had been on road trips across Europe, a city break in New York, universal in Florida, and several other European cities by the time they were 8 and 10. My cousin took her 7 and 10 year old backpacking in Indonesia last year. Of course you can do these things with children.