It’s all such bloody hard work

[Uggbootsforever]

It’s all just such hard work, the standards are so high. Yes I know you’ll say ‘it’s all optional’ but how optional is it when everyone else around you is doing things and you don’t want your child to be the odd one out?

Lunch boxes. My mum did a sandwich (honey, marmite or jam), an apple, and a penguin bar. Now you have to cut bloody veg sticks, have fresh sandwich fillings ready and available, constant healthy ‘snacks’ (I swear my mum never carried or offered me a snack?!).

Birthday parties. They used to be straightforward and fairly cheap and now they’re all about balloon arches, ‘wonderlands’, themes and elaborate commissioned cakes.

Kids don’t play out now. They hover round you 24/7 demanding things while you try in vain to do the 100 housework tasks that need doing.

I feel like slowly but surely our house has transformed into a place where everything is about the kids 24/7. My parents used to think nothing of sitting and watching a programme they wanted to see, while we played around them. I don’t think I have ever done this, whatever is on is always bloody CBeebies.

Every parent I know is still woken in the night by their 4/5/6 year old children who insist on sleeping in their bed (including me). I just want to sleep in my own bloody bed, to close my eyes at 11pm and open them at 6.30 with nobody crying or shouting me awake in between. Before becoming a parent it didn’t cross my mind I would still be being woken every night 6 years later.

I love my kids but, argh. Why are we doing this to ourselves. Ready to be told how unreasonable I am etc

I agree with you...I notice this when I think of how my parents brought me up vs how I bring up my kids.

Many things I reject but when my mums watching me baking cookies and making homemade pizza bases she just laughs and laughs and reminds me of all junk I used to love in my lunch box.

I definitely think social media has a lot to blame for everyone wanting to make everything memorable, and also a window into what everyone else is doing and not wanting kids to feel like theyre not...but I also think we had too much information available to us. It not a bad thing, but if my parents though giving me pringles all the time could lead to me being sick and obese they probably wouldnt have been so liberal with them. If you happen to read that your child's sperm count could be compromised if hoi keep wrapping all their food in plastic and using plastic lunchboxes, its very hard to push that thought away when you're purchasing the next Lunchbox and drinking bottle. Its insidious really.....

Sure, switch the jam for dairylea if you need to. It's the all-pudding combo I'm objecting to!

I agree with the OP - it's very, very hard to resist social pressure, and it's especially hard when you're tired.

It's horrible raising your children in a materialist world where your values are a bit different. So much of it is a giant waste of money and not good for them. But it's not easy being the family that doesn't do those things - especially phones.

OP - don't give in!!! I've started turning strict and the children are not enjoying it 😆- a sign things are moving in the right direction. I keep repeating that home work, exercise, chores, music practice etc is not up for debate.

I'm stumped though on the Edwardian theme - FFS. And yes, it's very easy to throw £20 at Amazon for the costumes but it all mounts up and could be put to much better use.

Keep them thoigh as hinestly i had same greek and romsn costume with broach.
was lucky my mum could sew.
reused for younger DD.
id start looking for a long black bit of lace skirt in charity shop with elastic waist & high neck white blouse for Victorian day. Keep an eye out so you know what the older years are doing. In fact ask a few mums if they will gift you their costumes once done.
its hard and so much more pressure now most mums work too.
have a vintage 70s party with games & jelly & ice cream the kids love it and it be different to the other parties

OP I'm probably your mum's age, I remember making the sandwich/cheese string/petit filou/satsuma lunches. My mum didn't even have to bother with that, we ate what we were given at school lunches. Everything gets progressively more complicated with each generation, but mothers will always find things difficult.

Parties were always exhausting and hard work, I don't think you can get away with that. I always found the responsibility of entertaining a bunch of 5 year olds stressful and felt a great sense of relief when they all went home. If you can afford it maybe get a party organiser to do it all for you? Or ask some other parents/friends/relatives to help out?

Re the co sleeping, a friend of mine used to have a massive bed and all their three children slept with them until one by one they suddenly didn't want to. They are all now exceptionally independent, well adjusted adults (all doctors lol). My children also slept with us if they wanted to, and I did love it when they did, they were so cuddly. But they were also happy to sleep in their own beds, so all children are different. There will be a time when you reminisce fondly on those years.

I do really worry for my grandchildren though (not yet at a demanding age). Life is not simple. Especially in this crazy AI/social media/phone addicted age. And everything nowadays revolves around "perfection" which I find immensely sad and scary.

So I don't really have any advice, except to say the childhood years go in a flash. And you will miss them when they're gone.

Me too! I'd forgotten about 5 alive!

OP, I sympathise. People forget all kids are different and what works for some doesn't necessarily work for others.

I would feel terribly guilty taking my toddler to Peru as an example because as much as I would love to go, I know he would hate every minute of it as he just wants to splash in puddles at the moment.

you will miss them when they're gone

Ho ho ho I won't!!!

You are so absolutely spot on. If course we don’t have to. But we sort of do don’t we?! I think a lot of it in my case is a crisis of conscience. My younger child takes up a lot of my time, breastfed, etc and my elder daughter is understandably resenting that. So every spare minute with her without him is spent trying to engage, enrich, connect and demonstrate that the cost to her of having this new person around isn’t so high. Soft play was the highlight of my childhood when we were little, such a rarity - now we are there so often it is getting old!

Bloody snacks
Nobody used that term in the 1970s when I was a nipper

DD used to be a regular middle-of-the-night climber in until about 3 years old @Uggbootsforever I think we turned a corner when I explained to her that me being grumpy & miserable during the day was heavily linked to what time she'd joined me in bed & I stopped getting any decent rest. She took that on board & we never said she couldn't come through if she'd had a bad dream, but that she should practice going back to sleep in her own bed if she just woke up, and we'd put her back in her own bed if she was scared.

It was transformational. Good luck!

My LO is only 9 months old and already i feel bombarded with stuff like this. Social media is definitely a big factor. The baby equivalent is all about 'wake windows' & sleep schedules, Baby led weaning with all these elaborate meals, tummy time & various over the top activities etc. As a relatively new mum, just getting through day to day is sometimes hard enough without all of this sort of stuff!

Yes! Also the constant water chugging we're supposed to encourage. We used to pretty much eat and drink at meal times and now food and water need to be a continuous supply.

Turf them out while it’s daylight (if they’re old enough) with their matea and let them have a childhood - this still happens here and it’s all to the benefit of the kids who grow up to proper independence and resilience.

In your 2nd post I know what you mean about school dress up days, with me and my own kids it was non uniform days. You spend a fortune on school uniforms and the school have at least 2 non uniform days per year. As a child I dreaded non uniform days - went in my school uniform and was ribbed by everyone except my own friends, who knew what the situation was. Then I had my own kids, and you have to find money for the charity donation, then it was £1 minimum, but think more than 1 child, and then send them in a decent outfit that they won't be mocked for wearing.

Every party was lavish and special, every play date was so much ‘fun’ and the effort I put into my dc was totally over the top. I am actually embarrassed now when I think about it. I was just so excited. So happy to be creating magical moments, that I lost sight of keeping things realistic. Keep things simple. Low key. Relaxed. Don’t make a rod for your own back.

I would have starved if they made us have packed lunches like they do now, I left primary school in 2009. My packed lunch was a ham, chicken and stuffing or tikka sandwich, or crackers with butter (I was fussy😂) a biscuit, a packet of crisps and a yogurt at a push. Now it’s crazy. Could you try your child on school dinners so it’s one less thing for you to do?

Where are you seeing lunch boxes?!
99percent of the ones at my school have total shit in them.

OP I honestly couldn’t agree more. I find it all so very hard. My 4yo DS wakes me every single night. Without fail. If I leave him he shouts and shouts and wakes the 2yo and then both of them are awake looking for me. I feel constant pressure to provide them with the best most nutritious food, language and books, only reasonably okay tv like CBeebies. It is absolutely relentless. All while working and trying to keep up with washing, cleaning, cooking. I have never known burn out or exhaustion like it . It is at times unbearably hard when things like illness are factored in. I know this time will pass but I would quite honestly give my right arm for a consistent nights sleep and a break from the constant feeling of overwhelm

I don’t remember being offered drinks, nor asking for them. My parents said they used to avoid giving us them as it would mean we needed the toilet.

So very strange compared to the constant hydration obsession today.

I mean - water bottles on the table at school. We were allowed one small cup of water at lunch and that was it for the day.

Yeah I agree!

I was out of the country for a week and DH sent our then 5 yr old into school with a small bag of nuts as a snack (he just wasn't thinking/wouldnt do it again!). He was definitely made to feel like a criminal and the offending snack was bagged and given back to him. The last bit of your post reminded me of that.

I was thinking about the costume thing. Do people not have dressing up boxes anymore?
As a kid we always did, so when mine were small we had one too. Stuff my mum gave me, bits I picked up in charity shops ( we had a community shop which was genuinely cheap). If I saw, say, striped black and white leggings I’d think “ ooh, pirate” and get it for the box. So when book day/ nativity/ Halloween came around I’d have a rummage and adapt stuff. Also all kinds of hats, tiaras, beads, bits of fur.
I do quite like making costumes tho. Word got round and other mums would ring me because they heard I might have an elf outfit or whatever!
I actually still have the dressing up stuff, in case grandchildren 😃

That really wasn’t a good thing either.

I do agree the pendulum has swung in the other direction re water but honestly, i remember being so thirsty as a child! We had the just one cup of water too and a fountain but no bottle or cup so you had to just gulp water straight from it and get your blouse wet!

Honestly cant keep up so I just dont.
My PiLs recently said they think my DD age 3 is bored and needs "more stimulation"
She has nursery 3 full days a week, goes to other classes on 3 other days. Plus other activities... can she not just be bored sometimes!

This post is so relatable.
Too tired to add much else.....