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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disappointed with proposal?

147 replies

Carys1806 · 29/09/2025 18:06

Hi everyone!

need a bit of a reality check, am I being over sensitive or am I reasonable to be peeved.

partner and I have been together for 4 years. We recently went away for a long weekend to Spain (he booked it as a surprise), whilst we were there he popped the question. I should be over the moon but I am upset at how he went about it.

his plan originally was to play a joke on me by proposing with a fake ring (that he deliberately brought too small) and drop the ring from the balcony, then give me the real one the next day. This didn’t work out as I was wrapped up on the balcony on a blanket as it was cold, so his plan B was to put the fake ring on me whilst I slept. I woke up and was still happy/surprised albeit a little disappointed that the ring didn’t fit (I didn’t know about plan A yet!) we had a kiss and went back to sleep. The next day he gives me the real ring, no speech or loving words which I was a bit upset about, but still happy that we were moving forwards in the relationship. He then told me what his original plan was :(

I appreciate the effort he has gone into to book a holiday and the ring (it is beautiful) but I am irked by the fact that he a)was going to make the proposal a prank, and b) that he didn’t really propose/ say anything loving etc when he gave me the real ring.

AIBU or should I be miffed?!

OP posts:
Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 29/09/2025 18:07

Very immature comes to mind

ToKittyornottoKitty · 29/09/2025 18:08

YABU, and pretty ungrateful overall.

Princesspollyyy · 29/09/2025 18:08

He sounds a bit immature?

Penfoldfive · 29/09/2025 18:08

I came on thinking you were going to be unreasonable but that's so immature and would annoy me too. Marriage isn't a joke!

Burningbud1981 · 29/09/2025 18:09

you should be over the moon and so happy but you are upset as it wasn’t Insta perfect. YABU

HollyhockDays · 29/09/2025 18:09

Is he generally a prankster?

Penfoldfive · 29/09/2025 18:10

Burningbud1981 · 29/09/2025 18:09

you should be over the moon and so happy but you are upset as it wasn’t Insta perfect. YABU

It's not about insta - it's about the silly prank!

Jellybunny56 · 29/09/2025 18:10

I’m assuming he is usually like this, a bit of a funny man/prankster, as I can’t imagine anyone would suddenly decide a proposal is a great time to try out a prank. On that basis I think YABU because this is clearly who he is!

BauhausOfEliott · 29/09/2025 18:10

Do you want to marry him or not?

A proposal doesn’t have to be an event and YABU.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 29/09/2025 18:11

Penfoldfive · 29/09/2025 18:10

It's not about insta - it's about the silly prank!

Yeah but if she didn’t like his jokey nature she wouldn’t be marrying him.

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 29/09/2025 18:12

I would be upset.

It's not about an Instagram perfect proposal as some as suggested, it's about having a partner who takes the idea of marrying you seriously and doesn't act like a clown. What next? At the wedding is he going to have a flower on his suit that sprays people? Is he going to ask you to "Pull his finger" when you put his wedding ring on?

Some things don't deserve to be treated like a practical joke.

Dustyhem952 · 29/09/2025 18:13

Fifty fifty on this one op!

If the ring is lovely then you do sound a bit ungrateful but having said that, he sounds a bit silly too!

The proposal isn’t the thing to focus on though. What is the rest of your relationship like? Is he kind? Loving? Productive? Helpful? Competent?

Describe him in the first five words that come to mind! 😃

BlessedAreThePureOfHeart · 29/09/2025 18:13

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

He had the opportunity to give you a really lovely moment but he took a bit of the shine off by arsing about trying to be funny

Toomanywaterbottles · 29/09/2025 18:13

Do you want to marry him? That prank would have been very offputting to me. What an idiot.

Brightbluesomething · 29/09/2025 18:15

I’d be upset if my partner pranked me during a proposal. He does sound immature and it’s a bit weird and not in the least bit funny. I’m not one for wanting Instagram perfect but a proposal should be romantic and memorable. You are committing your lives to each other. I suspect if you said yes you’ve got a lot more disappointment to come.

ShesDancingAgain · 29/09/2025 18:16

It sounds as though he is someone that doesn’t know what you would want if he’d make a joke out of something that you would want to be more serious. He sounds like a bit of an idiot really. Are you sure you are actually suited? It’s a big thing to misjudge so badly

TomatoSandwiches · 29/09/2025 18:17

I wouldn't be impressed, how old is he?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 29/09/2025 18:17
Season 6 Ugh GIF by Parks and Recreation

What a bellend

Is it a proposal or a funny story for his mates

Nanny0gg · 29/09/2025 18:17

Bloody hell

Thank god I'm old

parietal · 29/09/2025 18:17

I’m a very practical person and never had or wanted a romantic insta proposal (have now been happily married for many years). But the idea that a proposal could be a prank would make me v uncomfortable. 99% of pranks just aren’t funny.

Goodadvice1980 · 29/09/2025 18:20

YANBU. Crikey he sounds about 12. Are you sure you want to hitch your wagon to this guy?

Purplecatshopaholic · 29/09/2025 18:24

Immature and just plain silly comes to mind. If you like the real ring, and want to marry him, put this childish prank behind you (or use it as a hilarious story to tell at the wedding)..

autienotnaughty · 29/09/2025 18:27

Is he usually a prankster? I’d hate it but my dh would know that.

FeliciaFancybottom · 29/09/2025 18:29

Purplecatshopaholic · 29/09/2025 18:24

Immature and just plain silly comes to mind. If you like the real ring, and want to marry him, put this childish prank behind you (or use it as a hilarious story to tell at the wedding)..

But it isn't hilarious, imagine the second hand embarrassment everyone would get at that story!
It sounds like he doesn't know you that well if he thought you'd enjoy this.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/09/2025 18:29

Does he usually pull stupid pranks? Was he likely to be very nervous? Does he generally show you / tell you how he feels? I wouldn't be thrilled, but I think some context would help