To be disappointed with proposal?

[Carys1806]

Hi everyone!

need a bit of a reality check, am I being over sensitive or am I reasonable to be peeved.

partner and I have been together for 4 years. We recently went away for a long weekend to Spain (he booked it as a surprise), whilst we were there he popped the question. I should be over the moon but I am upset at how he went about it.

his plan originally was to play a joke on me by proposing with a fake ring (that he deliberately brought too small) and drop the ring from the balcony, then give me the real one the next day. This didn’t work out as I was wrapped up on the balcony on a blanket as it was cold, so his plan B was to put the fake ring on me whilst I slept. I woke up and was still happy/surprised albeit a little disappointed that the ring didn’t fit (I didn’t know about plan A yet!) we had a kiss and went back to sleep. The next day he gives me the real ring, no speech or loving words which I was a bit upset about, but still happy that we were moving forwards in the relationship. He then told me what his original plan was :(

I appreciate the effort he has gone into to book a holiday and the ring (it is beautiful) but I am irked by the fact that he a)was going to make the proposal a prank, and b) that he didn’t really propose/ say anything loving etc when he gave me the real ring.

AIBU or should I be miffed?!

Really? You think men are not intelligent enough to realise how important this is? Don't be absurd.

If you are disappointed with the proposal then you will be disappointed with the marriage. You do not share the same sense of humour.

My first fiance proposed abroad and on paper it sounded lovely, but actually he behaved in a way that made me doubt his feelings.

We ended up breaking up over other things, but deep down I already knew from the proposal (even before) that things weren't right.

I wouldn't be happy with a joke proposal at all, but is pranking common for him?

I'm not saying this is the case for you, but I would use this opportunity to really reflect on whether this will be a successful marriage, your personality types and communication styles, if you accept each other as you are.

I agree with pp. This kind of joke suggests maybe he isn't too serious, or something. Wanting to prank you/make you feel sad or bad while proposing feels like a real warning sign to me. So I think it's not a matter of you wanting more, you'd probably have been happy enough staying local but having the sincere and loving proposal.
I'd be very very cautious. Is he someone who'll like to laugh and make fun of you and enjoy making you squirm? If so, don't marry him .

Youre not being unreasonable and people who are saying you are a probably jealous youve been proposed to in the first place so are telling you to be grateful, not their place to say that. Try not to be too l upset about it but its totally understandable and perfectly normal to want/expect some loving words - it is a proposal afterall! You have to accept who he is and thats how he did it or you'll end up being bothered by it for a lifetime.

He sound childish as like he loves pranks….. is he The kind of husband that would find it hilarious to shove your face in The wedding cake too? As I’ve see many videos of that sort of behaviour!

careful marrying a prankster…

You sound like high maintenance. I’d be regretting ever proposing if I was your DP.

Pranks are so tedious.
I can only imagine he needed to turn it into a joke because he finds anything emotional a bit embarrassing which, as others have said, is a bit immature

Ah one of those posters who thinks expecting anything in life, even a standard proposal without silly pranks, is high maintenance

I opened the thread expecting to say yabu but actually what he did was pretty weird and I’d be disappointed too. What’s wrong with just saying “I love you. Will you marry me?”

Approaching it as a prank is very odd. Is he usually like this? Also putting the ring on you while you slept is a bit creepy and doesn’t really give you the chance to say yes or no.

If this is a one-off and he just misjudged it then I’d move on and focus on the marriage, not the proposal. But if this is how he usually acts, maybe think twice.

Doesn’t need to be a practical joke either.

Ungrateful? Sorry but the whole proposal sounds like a massive joke.

Women should not be grateful for men doing the bare minimum. The bar is already low and men keep bringing the shovel and we are supposed to applaud this?

Maybe he wanted to propose in a unique way and this is what he came up with? Maybe done with the best of intentions, so let it go if you can or arrange something special and romantic for him that you can both enjoy to mark the occasion.

They’re all fucking stupid. Joke = distress for the woman usually. I would have hated this tbh. Only you know if he’s a good one and whether it’s worth overlooking. I don’t think good proposals make any different as to whether a relationship will last.

If you feel anything other than excited, I imagine you’re more into the idea of the relationship than the reality. It’s a bit of a rubbish proposal story but if you were really into him, you’d laugh about it.

Trying to say something nice about the poor guy - proposing IS a big deal and he could have been highly nervous and not sure how to approach it. So the larking around could have been a bit of avoidance. Does he usually say sweet loving things to you, or is he more the type to imply love and affection without stating it loud and clear?

A much-shared story from my extended family...

"Nice weekend. Bloody work tomorrow though."

"Yeah, it was nice...."

"It was."

"If we carry on like this, we going to end up getting married."

"Yeah, probably."

"Shall we?"

"I think we should."

"Great. Next summer?"

"Lovely."

"Yeah. Night then."

"Night."

.....now, to me, that's heart-flippingly romantic.

You both need to grow up.

WTF! your bar must be so low that you’re just grateful someone (anyone?) proposes to you full stop!

Well . At least he proposed
some don’t

And that’s your metric, is it?

Sounds like he doesn't know you lovely