To be disappointed with proposal?

[Carys1806]

Hi everyone!

need a bit of a reality check, am I being over sensitive or am I reasonable to be peeved.

partner and I have been together for 4 years. We recently went away for a long weekend to Spain (he booked it as a surprise), whilst we were there he popped the question. I should be over the moon but I am upset at how he went about it.

his plan originally was to play a joke on me by proposing with a fake ring (that he deliberately brought too small) and drop the ring from the balcony, then give me the real one the next day. This didn’t work out as I was wrapped up on the balcony on a blanket as it was cold, so his plan B was to put the fake ring on me whilst I slept. I woke up and was still happy/surprised albeit a little disappointed that the ring didn’t fit (I didn’t know about plan A yet!) we had a kiss and went back to sleep. The next day he gives me the real ring, no speech or loving words which I was a bit upset about, but still happy that we were moving forwards in the relationship. He then told me what his original plan was :(

I appreciate the effort he has gone into to book a holiday and the ring (it is beautiful) but I am irked by the fact that he a)was going to make the proposal a prank, and b) that he didn’t really propose/ say anything loving etc when he gave me the real ring.

AIBU or should I be miffed?!

I think YANBU OP, it wouldn’t have been difficult to just propose normally. Was he nervous about it maybe?

I don't know about this one really. He did book and pay for a holiday to Spain and he did propose and buy a lovely ring! And to be honest I doubt that his "prank" was meant to unkind or humiliating. Without more context I'd say he just got it horribly wrong. What's he like generally? I mean, if he constantly behaves like Coco the Clown or is a totally insensitive arse then why do you want to marry him?

Did he actually ask you to marry him with any words? Did he propose? Go down on one knee?

Sounds a bit clumsy but I wouldn’t let it get to me if you are generally happy.

eta - romantic gestures don’t come easily to everyone. I would say it’s the thought that counts.

This would annoy me too.
I hate that kind of prank, why try and disappointment someone ? Especially in a once in a lifetime moment. I don't get it at all and I have a real childish sense of humour.
I'm not insta influenced at all infact I font like that whole culture either I wouldn't expect an insta perfect proposal, just something sweet and intimate and personal I'd find this a bit strange tbh.

Thinking about it a bit more and being very honest, this sounds like the kind of proposal a man makes when he is settling or thinks it's about time he settles down and you'll do since he hasn't found someone better ( to him ) in 4 years.

I say this as a non romantic person, my husband proposed with no ring holding a box of tampons, but he was serious about it, he meant it with all his being when he asked.

Oh just to add, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, I would just think it was a strange thing to do.

Is he a teenager? How immature. Are you sure you want to marry him?

YABU. It doesn't need to be some proposal like you see in the movies. It's the commitment and marriage that matters, not extravagant proposals and weddings.

Me too. What performative nonsense.

I like my humour, like I like my wine, dry.

YANBU.

I never wanted a proposal (I am married btw). I wanted to be equally involved in a serious discussion about my future with this man. Very few things in life are very serious but the choice of who you spend your life with REALLY is. This would give me second thoughts. Plus I hate pranks. Pranks are just ridiculing another person. I can’t think of many examples of a worse time to ridicule someone.

I have so little sympathy for the whole proposal thing. It’s not important.

Good luck with this then if you marry him!

Gosh, so many messages, thanks everyone! We are in our 40’s, and I’m definitely a bit old for the ‘insta perfect’ tribe, lol! I wasn’t expecting anything extravagant or even what he did do (the trip away). I am annoyed as we are not practical jokers and don’t do that in the relationship generally so it all feels a bit odd! I just feel like he treated it like a joke which made me upset.

I wouldn't want a proposal where love wasn't mentioned.

This.

You're both in your 40s?!
Ok. I think perhaps sit down and have a conversation about your future, and how that's going to work out, if you haven't had that talk already.
Good luck.

This, exactly.

He didn’t treat it like a joke though, he had a joke yes, and clearly it didn’t land well. But actually, he put in a lot of planning and effort and you are focusing on one little bit you didn’t like.

I really dislike that brand of male humour where they try to make a woman or girl feel stupid with some ridiculous prank.

On the face of it, he does sound like a bit of an idiot. But might he have been very nervous (that you’d say no) and so panicked and did the prank so that if you didn’t respond positively he could brush it off as a joke?

I still wouldn’t want to marry a man like that, but then as a PP said, I’d be an equal participant in any discussion about marriage.

Thank goodness option A didn’t work out! Very odd way of proposing. How’s he been the rest of the trip?

his plan originally was to play a joke on me by proposing with a fake ring (that he deliberately brought too small) and drop the ring from the balcony, then give me the real one the next day

I could never marry an 11 year old boy

40s? I hope he has given you a heartfelt apology and said something meaningful about why he wants to spend the rest of his life with you