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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed with proposal?

147 replies

Carys1806 · 29/09/2025 18:06

Hi everyone!

need a bit of a reality check, am I being over sensitive or am I reasonable to be peeved.

partner and I have been together for 4 years. We recently went away for a long weekend to Spain (he booked it as a surprise), whilst we were there he popped the question. I should be over the moon but I am upset at how he went about it.

his plan originally was to play a joke on me by proposing with a fake ring (that he deliberately brought too small) and drop the ring from the balcony, then give me the real one the next day. This didn’t work out as I was wrapped up on the balcony on a blanket as it was cold, so his plan B was to put the fake ring on me whilst I slept. I woke up and was still happy/surprised albeit a little disappointed that the ring didn’t fit (I didn’t know about plan A yet!) we had a kiss and went back to sleep. The next day he gives me the real ring, no speech or loving words which I was a bit upset about, but still happy that we were moving forwards in the relationship. He then told me what his original plan was :(

I appreciate the effort he has gone into to book a holiday and the ring (it is beautiful) but I am irked by the fact that he a)was going to make the proposal a prank, and b) that he didn’t really propose/ say anything loving etc when he gave me the real ring.

AIBU or should I be miffed?!

OP posts:
tiredangry · 29/09/2025 20:24

Perhaps you are incompatible.

He has put thought, effort, time and expense in. His plan was something that simply didn't appeal to you.

StewkeyBlue · 29/09/2025 20:26

Oh dear!

What is he like!?

Obviously his whole proposal was worthy of a scene from The Office or Alan Partridge.

But in the end the relationship and the potential marriage are everything and the proposal itself … well does it matter?

A lot of pressure on him if you were waiting for The Proposal. If you love each other and plan your lives as a team, why is it all in one to do The Propossl? Why didn’t you just discuss marriage together, like grown ups planning your life together?

Bottom line, will you stand together, putting each other first, with loyalty and with a love that consumes you?

Offloadontome · 29/09/2025 20:32

I'd 100% be miffed. If you're going to propose on holiday in Spain, you'd expect it to happen on the beach, in a romantic location, maybe a Spanish restaurant... But waking you up while asleep in bed?
If he didn't even get down on one knee I'd be livid! 😂
At the end of the day it's the sentiment that counts, but I can see why you're upset.
The prank thing I've seen a few times on social media, he probably thinks it was cool or something.
How old are you both?

DelphiniumBlue · 29/09/2025 20:33

Has he actually asked you to marry him? I can’t tell from your post if he has or if he’s just been dicking around with rings.
If he did propose, have you responded?
Personally, I wouldn’t treat this seriously, or even deign to reply. If he wants to marry you, he’ll need to ask you properly and show a bit more respect.

Muffinmam · 29/09/2025 20:34

He sounds absolutely pathetic.

Echobelly · 29/09/2025 20:39

Do you generally like affection expressed through pranks? If so, he was probably trying to do something nice. If you don't or haven't expressed a view on that kind of thing one way or another it's not very well thought out to say the least. I suppose he was trying to do something different.

On the other hand, I think you will be able to laugh about it later honestly and if you think he's the one for you, you ought to be able to laugh 'Remember your shonky engagement prank you tried that totally didn't work?' or, as some have said, joke about it in wedding speeches. The fact is it's memorable and more interesting than ordering champagne at a posh restaurant and then proposing like a zillion other people.

KitsyWitsy · 29/09/2025 20:39

YANBU. I would hate that. Hate any kind of joke. Think the fake ring is absolutely horrendous. I would feel so hurt. It's supposed to be important! And it doesnt have to be 'insta perfect'. He just has to seriously ask you with ring in hand. It doesn't have to be more convoluted than that, does it?

Laveritas · 29/09/2025 20:40

This sounds so bizarre, was it actually a proposal? What a turn off..this is supposed to be a special loving moment not a comedy routine

Anyahyacinth · 29/09/2025 20:43

He doesn’t sound like marriage material or very respectful

Dontitalwaysseemtogo · 29/09/2025 20:44

My now DH proposed to me in the front room whilst I had my pjs on and got up to make a drink! Think yourself lucky! It isn’t about the proposal… it’s about getting married!

Rainbowqueeen · 29/09/2025 20:51

I’d ask him what made him decide to do it that way.

My concern for you is that it shows a lack of care about what you think and need. If he can explain why he thought you would appreciate a proposal like that, then you can clear up that misunderstanding and hopefully go through your lives together with no more stupid pranks. But if his explanation makes it clear that he didn’t actually think at all about what you would like as a proposal then I’d be concerned that this is how he will treat you forever.

The couples I know with joke style proposals are also the ones where the woman has to buy her own birthday and Christmas presents and who is never made to feel special

Snugglemonkey · 29/09/2025 21:02

Princesspollyyy · 29/09/2025 18:08

He sounds a bit immature?

Perfectly matched.

k1233 · 29/09/2025 21:03

I don't do "pranks". I would have handed the ring back and broken up with him. I'm not a joke. I would not marry someone who thought it was ok to joke about my feelings. To me he's being belittling.

carly2803 · 29/09/2025 21:16

what a dick - hes very immature

long as you are happy, he is happy then I would chalk this up as immaturity

Echobelly · 29/09/2025 21:18

Rainbowqueeen · 29/09/2025 20:51

I’d ask him what made him decide to do it that way.

My concern for you is that it shows a lack of care about what you think and need. If he can explain why he thought you would appreciate a proposal like that, then you can clear up that misunderstanding and hopefully go through your lives together with no more stupid pranks. But if his explanation makes it clear that he didn’t actually think at all about what you would like as a proposal then I’d be concerned that this is how he will treat you forever.

The couples I know with joke style proposals are also the ones where the woman has to buy her own birthday and Christmas presents and who is never made to feel special

I think this is a really good approach - he might have got the idea from somewhere and honestly thought it would be cute and memorable and maybe if he can explain you can feel better and move on.

If it was 'I dunno I couldn't think of anything and looked up something about interesting proposal ideas and thought it seem all right' might be a bit more disappointing.

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 29/09/2025 21:20

I would be upset by this too. I couldn't get past the disappointment that the ring didn't fit despite getting the real one the following day. But then I don’t particularly like jokes at my expense. The balcony idea would have upset me even more.

InSpainTheRain · 29/09/2025 21:31

You're in your 40s and used a silly prank to propose? I'd be pissed off too, I'd consider if I really wanted to marry someone like that. My answer would be "no and grow up".

Catwoman8 · 29/09/2025 21:32

I agree with the PP. It sounds like he was trying to do something out of the ordinary to make it memorable but missed the mark and failed.

He's booked a surprise weekend for you, and so he has obviously put some thought into that, just made a silly choice with how he has chosen to propose.

PinkFlloyd · 29/09/2025 21:49

He thought at the point of proposal it would be hilarious to 'lose' the ring and not tell you it was a prank for a full day? Sorry, that isn't the type of man I'd marry. Maybe it's just me, but I think it's cruel to be so mean at what should be one of life's loveliest moments.

CharlieKirkRIP · 29/09/2025 21:57

A proposal is not the time for a prank!

It makes it look like he’s not taking it seriously.

CarpetKnees · 29/09/2025 22:07

Like many others, from your title, I was coming on to say YABU, as a proposal does not need to be all singing, all dancing, music, flowers and sunsets. It is about being asked, and agreeing to spend the rest of your life with someone.

Then all the talk of 'pranking' made me raise an eyebrow and made me think he must be a real pratt, but I was still assuming that 'pranking' was something he must do all the time and presumably you were happy with that.

Your later post saying it was really out of character now makes me think YANBU.
But I would ask him about it. I would tell him you were really confused about the whole joking thing. Say it makes you feel he isn't serious about the commitment you are both making.

tequilam0ckingbird · 29/09/2025 22:21

this has to be one of the most bizarre proposal stories.

Plan A is ridiculous, and it doesn't make any sense that he didn't do it that way because you were wearing a blanket. Surely he could still throw the fake ring over the balcony?

Why did he want to disappoint you in the first place, even as a joke?

nam3c4ang3 · 29/09/2025 22:28

Ltb . Hth.

Luckyingame · 11/10/2025 18:30

Nanny0gg · 29/09/2025 18:17

Bloody hell

Thank god I'm old

Thank god I'm past this shit and managed to grab a decent husband ages ago. And I'm "only" 46.

TryingToStayAwake88 · 11/10/2025 18:39

It doesn't sound like he actually asked you nor that you've accepted. So I wouldn't consider myself engaged. All he's done is give you a ring. That's not a proposal, that's just a present