Joint Party - no gift

[KinderEggg]

AIBU to be peed off?

A parent has been asking since year 1 to do a joint party with both our sons. I said no last year as I didn’t really know them and she asked again this year so I relented.

I bought their son a gift - asked what he liked etc.
She asked what my son liked etc and said she wanted to buy him something he liked. But she came empty handed and gave no gift.

Her son also tried to remove my son’s name from the board and then punched my son on the hand when my son told him off. I saw it and told him not to punch my son, and he started crying.

This is very young children we’re talking about op. Let it go.

as for the present issue 🤷‍♀️ maybe it will be belated, maybe she didn’t get a chance

what did he ask for?

Age?

How old are they 5 or 6 ? Fall-outs happen, I doubt it was a particularly hard punch, and maybe you should have told Mum instead of telling him off yourself - all sounds like a bit of a storm in a teacup.

Did your Son notice the lack of gift? Did he enjoy himself?

A lot of this post is about you.

Might be a perfectly reasonable reason behind the gift issue - why not just ask ?

Her son also tried to remove my son’s name from the board and then punched my son on the hand when my son told him off. I saw it and told him not to punch my son, and he started crying.

and?

I absolutely wouldn’t ask about the gift. What does it matter?

Just don’t do a joint birthday again. Lesson learned.

Learn from it and never share party with her again. Shared parties can be great but only if the parent and kids are nice and you like each other.

They are 8 years old.

I don’t know, I just wouldn’t turn up to the party empty handed? I thought there etiquette, especially as I organised it all for our sons. She said the gift was in the car. I would never ask for it… I just find it strange you wouldn’t get one?

You think it’s okay for my son to get punched because his name was being removed from the board that said it’s both their parties?

He punched my son in front of me… was I not supposed to say anything? All I said was “No, inserts boys name” and my son proceeded to tell his mum, he punched him and she just sighed.

Maybe people have different etiquettes.
I would not turn up empty handed nor would I be happy my son punched another child at a party.

I read this thread when I got up this morning, and when this was posted I was back from the school run. Why the new thread OP?! 😵‍💫

My username was outing (has my child’s name initials!), so I got mumsnet to delete so I can change my username

Wise move Op

because you come across as rather petty . I wouldn’t want to be identified in your shoes

A punch on the hand? Hardly the end of the world

Go by your gut say NO next time!

What did your son ask her for?

Ah okay. Thank you for the enlightenment. That’s why I’ve put it on here. I don’t want to be petty! Hence the AIBU?
I think I’m just annoyed that I organised the whole party, went out of my way to buy her son a gift he liked and there was no effort on her part.
I just don’t won’t do joint parties again.

My son didn’t ask. She asked me what he likes.. I said Lego.

Next time don't do a joint party. You were a pushover. Nothing makes a child feel special when sharing their party with someone they don't like. Learn from it and move on. Life's too short to worry about the present. There's always cheeky people like her, you have to say no.

What?! There was no need to punch him. No one else punched him or punched each other?

Well, you won't do that again! Forget it, but don't repeat.

I am guessing you don’t like this woman?

Move on op.

Maybe the gift was in the car: how much time has elapsed since?

But on the whole I suspect the mum is one of those grabby types who try to milk a situation for what she can get. She got you to organise it and I guess saved costs; it clearly wasn't a joint party suggestion because you are close.

It sounds as if the son is a similar " just grab what you can from life" type if he was removing your son's name.

I'd just use it as an excuse to say you think the shared party didn't work all that well - and then don't do it again.

I did…she is always pushing our kids to be friends.

I would tell her in future you wont be doing a joint party again purely on the fact her child punched yours and she did faff all about it. Piss poor parenting.

They dont sound like friends at all, clearly her son didnt want a joint party.

Op this is a bit bizarre, you being upset by someone not getting your child a present

by pushing do you mean suggesting play dates?

I think she is hurt more than petty.

No one likes being treated poorly.